amy

Amy

Mom to Ivy Renee

Born Still on July 21, 2012

Richmond, Kentucky

I woke up around 3:30am. I had only been asleep for an hour and a half at the most. I had to pee really bad as usual that late in the third trimester. I noticed my stomach was really hard, like a contraction that just wouldn’t let up. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, nothing too bad, just some mild cramping. I almost tried to lay back down for a second but got right back up and thought, “No, something isn’t right.” So, I called a few people that I had been in touch with that day or within the days before but no one answered. Then I called my friend, Tonia. She answered right away, thinking I was calling about the missing person we were all so concerned with in our town. I told her I thought I was in labor and needed to go to the hospital but I needed to call someone else to come down and stay with my three kids. I called another friend, Angel, whom I hadn’t spoken with in quite some time, but I knew she’d be there for me if I ever needed her and she was. I even talked with her about maybe I was overreacting, but she assured me it was better to be safe. Angel and Tonia were on their way. I quickly threw some things in my hospital bag. I didn’t even have any clothes for Ivy packed. I was planning on waiting until Jason flew home and have him go upstairs in the attic and bring down all of Violet’s newborn baby clothes. He was coming home soon because my induction date was only 10 days away, August 10th. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/6732.html

Karen

Mom to Logan James
Born December 7, 2008 and died December 9, 2008

and

An angel lost September 29, 2011

Pittsfield, Massachusetts

I’d like to share my story because I feel that it is a very unique situation. I’ve kept the loss very private and close to my heart and have only been sharing my feelings with family and close friends. But recently, I’ve felt the need to go online and read about other mom’s stories and struggles through their journeys of loss.

It’s comforting to know that I am not alone and there are others out there who know EXACTLY how I feel. I think the people in our everyday lives can be supportive, but only to a certain point. The loss of our children, whether still in our womb or newly born needs a special kind of support that only us moms can provide. And the everyday struggles we endure as we watch other mothers who have not had to endure our pain. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5718.html

Wanda Wieser

Mom to  Harris Grayson

March 22, 2011

Calgary, AB

 

I found out I was pregnant about a month after our daughter turned two. We were so happy to find out that she was going to have a sibling (which we later found out would be a brother!) and couldn’t wait to have our summer baby, due July 24th, 2011. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/07/2663.html

 

 

Meg

Mom to Jairus Irvin who was stillborn

December 28, 2010

Roseville, MN

When I was 35 weeks pregnant, I gazed at my son for the first time. But it was too late, he was already gone… [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/06/2235.html

Kaci

Mom to Laron Clay

April 16th, 2011

Coalgate, Oklahoma

Our story begins in February 2010.

For as long as I can remember, one of the most important things I have wanted in my life was to be a mom. In February of 2010 I was told at my yearly appointment that in order to get pregnant I would have to get on medication. I accepted this and decided that eventually when we were ready I would get on the medicine and hopefully not have a difficult time getting pregnant. After that appointment I received notice that my pap smear had returned abnormal and I needed to come in for the cells to be checked. I returned to the doctor in May only to discover that the cells were between grades 1 and 2 dysplasia. My doctor informed me that he wanted to remove the cells in order to keep them from becoming cancerous and an appointment was set up for April.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/05/1783.html

Rochelle

Mom to “Teddy” Theodore Joseph Luaders
June 20th, 2010
Quincy, IL
Teddy’s birthday and death day was on Father’s Day this year.  I was almost 35 weeks pregnant with Teddy.  I hadn’t felt Teddy move that morning, and I worried all morning, thinking he would start moving soon, but called the on-call doctor after lunch.


At the hospital I was hooked up to the machines and there was his heartbeat, and it looked good!  But he wasn’t moving.  The on-call doctor came in.  As soon as he came in and saw the tape with Teddy’s heart rate tracings, he said we need to have a C-section, an emergency c-section, right now.  What a shock!  But I was less scared then than I was when I was at home feeling no movement.  I knew he was alive, I knew he would be taken care of, and I knew he was old enough to survive even though he was early.  He would be ok now.  So I called my husband and told him and he was totally unprepared too, we weren’t expecting him for 5 more weeks!  Both of our other sons were late!  He went about making the phone calls, getting the babysitter, getting his mom and sister to come, throwing together things we might need – we didn’t even have a bag ready for the hospital yet.

In the next several minutes I was wheeled down to the C-section room, they called my doctor (Dr. K) to see if she wanted to come in, and she did!  She got there so quickly and I remember her saying, “I’m here,” and it was like my mom had said it, don’t worry honey, I’m here.  Nurses were rushing everywhere and getting everything ready and then they put me out.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/364.html

Michelle
Mother to Juanito 
Born sleeping on December 29th, 2009
Orem, Utah
 
My husband and I have been married for 10 years now. We have 3 living children and one angel in heaven. When our youngest living son turned 1 I decided it was time to add one more to our family. My husband was not as convinced as I was and it took me a whole year to get him on board. We were able to get pregnant fairly easily. We had planned it perfectly. I would be able to teach pretty much the whole year and only have to take off the last month of school. I would get to have the whole summer with the baby and they would be 4 months old before I had to return to work. Things couldn’t have been planned better.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/09/255.html

Shannon
Mom to Xavier, missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, 5 days on September 19th, 2006
Blighted ovum at 8 weeks, 3 days on February 12th, 2007
and Tristan, lost to Placental Abruption at 33 weeks on January 21st, 2008
St. Martinville, LA
We started trying April of ’06, right after we got married. We got pregnant 3 months later and I was so thrilled, but then fear set in as I started bleeding, and continued bleeding all the way to 10 weeks. I was placed on bed rest at 9 weeks to try and stop the bleeding and it worked. We went for our 12 week appointment to find out the baby had passed 5 days after the last time we had seen him. We found out our baby was a son due to genetic testing. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/09/224.html

Jayla
Mom to Chloe Isadora
Stillborn at fullterm on July 30th, 2009
Amarillo, TX
I think I was maybe the last to know that I was actually pregnant. It was November 2008 and my husband Robert, daughter Mavis and I had traveled from Amarillo to Austin to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I was in all sorts of denial about why I’d been sick and that my period was late it had to be because of the vast amounts of stress of traveling with a two and a half year old and visiting my in laws. 
My husband and I hadn’t been trying but we were also not trying to stop it from happening and I know his family was waiting impatiently for us to come out with the news that we’d be giving them their first grandchild. They’d always accepted Mavis as their own but I understood it wasn’t exactly the same, not for Robert and not for them. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/198.html

Kristin
Mom to River Christian, full term 4/8/03
Blaze Canyon, full term 10/30/06 – 11/01/06
Miriam Beth, miscarried at 14 weeks 3/25/07
August Finn, partial molar pregnancy at 10 weeks 1/31/08
Benicia, California

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/160.html



Jen
Mom to Aiden Arthur
Stillborn on June 8th, 2010 at 35 weeks
Wyoming, MN

Aiden Arthur was stillborn on June 8th, 2010 at 35 weeks. After a long complicated pregnancy. I had a placental abruption due to pre-eclampsia. It has only been 6 weeks since my angel Aiden went to heaven. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t cry. The pain is getting less as the weeks go by. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. You end up trying to find a new normal. Your life will never be the same after losing a baby.
Here is my story:

My husband Eric and I tried to get pregnant for over 2 years including 7 IUI’s. So when we were blessed with a positive pregnancy in October of 2009 we were excited. Our little Aiden Arthur was Due July 10th, 2010. For the most part I felt great for the first trimester. Then on Dec 29th I woke up feeling extremely sick and dizzy. I tried to walk to the bathroom but I was so dizzy I couldn’t even walk. So I crawled to the bathroom. Eric found me laying on the floor of the bathroom. We made our way to the hospital. I seriously felt like I was going to die. I have never been so sick in my life.

After several hours in the ER the Dr. diagnosed me with vertigo. I was hospitalized for several days. The vertigo did get better but it never went away fully. I went to endless Dr appointments to get this under control. The Dr’s finally said it was due to my pregnancy for some reason and the vertigo won’t go away until after the birth sometime. I still had 20 weeks to go at this point. As if this wasn’t enough to deal with, my hands started to go numb and tingly. It got to the point that I could barely pick up things with my right hand. So I started going to therapy twice a week. I had splints/braces made that I had to wear when sleeping. This went on for several weeks.

My feet started to swell as well. This whole time I felt like I had all the signs of pre-eclampsia. Dr’s won’t diagnose you with pre-eclampsia until your blood pressure is considered high. My blood pressure was normally very low. Throughout the pregnancy my blood pressure started to rise as the weeks went by. It wasn’t until week 35 that it was considered high.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/76.html

Suzanne
Mommy to Cristo Isaiah
Grew his wings on March 22nd, 2010 at 30 weeks
El Paso, TX

My story began on October 7, 2009. The day I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for some time, so when we finally got the positive test result we couldn’t be happier. I had a wonderful pregnancy, no morning sickness, no complications, hardly any weight gain. On January 28 we found out we were having another boy, our third son. We were so ecstatic. He was a very active boy, always moving around and kicking. Those were the happiest moments in my pregnancy.

On March 17 I felt a sharp pain under my belly and my lower back. I called the doctor and he told me to head to the hospital as a precaution. The nurse placed all the monitors and as soon as I heard my son’s heartbeat I breathed a sigh of relief. The doctor ordered an ultrasound and everything came out fine. His heartbeat was strong, he was moving around so I was sent home.

The next few days were normal. Baby was moving and I was enjoying every minute of it. Then Monday came, March 22. The day that forever changed my life. I went to work and had lunch with my two best friends. We talked about babies, our c-sections, being moms. I asked them to take me to the drugstore to buy some ibuprofen, which my doctor said I could take for my back pain, which is what I was feeling.

When I got back to my office was when I noticed my baby wasn’t moving. I called my husband, my sister, my mom, I told my friends. They all said that maybe he wasn’t moving because I had taken an ibuprofen and he was sleepy. I agreed with them but was still worried. I went about my day, picked up my son at daycare, went to the bank and then went home. My dear husband made me dinner and I lay down to do kick counts. Nothing, I felt nothing. I knew something was definitely wrong. I called my doctor knowing that I would get his answering service. I told them what was wrong and they told me that they would let the doctor know. Not even a minute had passed when I got a call back from my doctor. “Go to the hospital now!” he said. I could feel the sense of urgency in his voice. It was around 7:30 in the evening.

I called my sister Yvonne and dropped off my son. I was crying and my husband just kept telling me everything would be OK. I called my mom and told her what was happening. She told me to calm down, that it wasn’t good for the baby. I told her not to tell Carlitos (my 7 yr. old son) anything. The drive to the hospital was a long one which made me that much more anxious.

We arrived at the hospital and took the elevator to the fifth floor. They were already expecting me. They sent my husband to emergency to get my admission papers. What a mistake, I thought. I wanted my husband with me because deep down I knew that I was about to receive devastating news.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/71.html



Lara
Mom to Caleb Anthony
Born too early on April 12th, 2010
Omaha, NE

I’ve always wanted to be a mother. When I was little, I used to get in trouble for “mothering” my little sisters and brother too much. Other kids wanted to be astronauts, or police officers, or firemen…I wanted to be a mom.

When I met my husband, he didn’t want kids. After several years of dating, he came around to the side that he might…someday…be okay with kids. We got married in October 2008. He became more and more comfortable with the idea of a baby, and I managed to convince him to start trying in the spring of 2010. A little after that, we discovered that we were getting the chance to go to Italy in October 2009, and somehow we decided to start trying while on our trip. I still remember the time when I turned to him in bed, and said, “Hey…you wouldn’t want to work on it in Italy, would you?” His response of “Sure” made my jaw drop. I said, “Um, you know what I mean by working on it, right? You know what I’m talking about?” He laughed and said “Yes, I know.” SQUEAL! We were off!

We didn’t get pregnant in Italy, but I found out I was pregnant on December 29, 2009. I told Chris by putting a picture of the positive test inside a video game case. We were both beyond excited.

My excitement soon took a downward turn when at 6 weeks, I experienced a stabbing pain in my side. Since I hadn’t had my first doctor appointment yet, the midwife we were seeing advised us to go to the ER just to be sure. The doctor there examined me and saw some blood around the cervix, and told me I was probably miscarrying. I was devastated. They did an ultrasound, and after a few minutes I saw the flickering of our little jelly bean’s heartbeat.

It was fairly uneventful after that. I continued to have bleeding off and on, but the baby’s heartbeat continued to be strong and our NT scan was perfect. Everything was looking great. We told our families on Valentine’s Day, and they were ecstatic and so excited.

We scheduled the BIG ultrasound for April 20.

On April 5, I went to the bathroom and felt something like a balloon pop, and a gush of red water came out. I was terrified. Chris convinced me to look for the heartbeat with our home doppler, and I was able to find it. That reassured me a bit, so I waited until the morning to call the midwive’s office. They got me in right away, did the ferning test, and told me that it wasn’t my water breaking and to just take it easy. But the continued bleeding was worrying the doctor. She moved my ultrasound up from the 20th to the 9th.

I wouldn’t make it that far. In the early hours of April 7th, when I was 18w5d pregnant, I woke up in the middle of the night to water gushing. I found the heartbeat with the doppler again, but I couldn’t contain my fears this time, so we went to the ER. Once there, I passed a huge blood clot (larger than a golf ball) and kept bleeding. They did an ultrasound. I was able to see the screen during it, and I knew my baby was in trouble. There was no black surrounding him (though we didn’t know it was a him yet). The doctor told us that I had zero fluid left and that I should be induced. I texted my family and best friends that we were losing the baby. I couldn’t stop crying. Eventually a second doctor – an MFM – came and talked to us. She was more optimistic but still presented the grim facts: only 1-2% of babies in this situation make it. She ran over our options with us, and we decided to wait it out. If I could make it to 24 weeks without delivering, the baby would have a chance. I would be admitted to the hospital with the goal of making it 48 hours, and then I would be discharged and on strict bedrest at home until I reached 24 weeks or delivered. At 24 weeks, I’d be readmitted to the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/69.html

Erin and David
Parents to Rosalynn Patricia Foster
Grew her wings on April 20th, 2010
Columbus, OH

I say “We” because both my husband and I lost our precious girl. He is my rock and without him I could not have made it through this!! So,yes, “We” are the faces of stillbirth. This story comes from 4 separate excerpts from my blog.

Rosalynn Patricia Foster
On April 20th 2010, my perfect life came crashing down. The most vivid parts of my pregnancy are now the last 24 hours of it.

Monday morning I woke up not feeling well. I talked to my Aunt on the phone that morning complaining that I felt weird but really could not put my finger on why I was feeling like that. I did my fetal kick count, and made myself some breakfast. I started some loads of baby clothes, because I had just celebrated my baby shower with friends and family the Saturday prior. I still did not feel right, so I called off of work, and decided to lay down for a nap. At 2pm I woke up with the overwhelming feeling something was wrong. I called David to see if he would be home early, but he said he had a lot of work to do, so it would be the usual time. To this day I wonder if I had just gone to the hospital myself, if I could have prevented what happened. Around 5 pm I noticed I had only felt one movement since 2, a slight movement of Rosie’s head next to my ribs (she was breach). However, I had not felt any kicks, rolls, or her little hands in my ribs that I had gotten so used to over the past few weeks. I called my friend. She happens to be a nurse, and also pregnant. She had a fetal heart monitor at her house, and only lives 4 miles away. She told me to come over and we would find the heartbeat. Around 9 o’clock, after searching for the heartbeat with no success, Foster and I headed to the hospital.

Our drive to the hospital was pretty lighthearted. We talked about the possibility that we may become parents that night, but neither one of us brought up the conversation we did not want to talk about. We checked in, and got to the Labor and Delivery Triage room. The nurse brought in the fetal heart monitor. When she found a heartbeat, it was 125 beats per minute. I let out a sigh of relief. Until I realized my heartbeat was abnormally fast. Sure enough, when the nurse compared the monitor to my pulse, they were one and the same. Then everything started moving in slow motion. The Ultrasound tech came in, started searching, stood up and said “I need someone else to look at this.”

Now, when an US tech says that you KNOW there is something wrong. They do this for a living, so they are probably better qualified than most doctors to let a patient know how the baby is. However, after closer examination by the doctor, there was no heartbeat. I heard someone scream, a low, hurting scream, almost animal like. I realized it was me. My husband was squeezing me so tight and sobbing into my shoulder. We had lost our baby. The nurses exited the room, and allowed us to process this news as a couple, a set of grieving parents. “What was it?” I demanded of my husband. I had decided at the beginning of the pregnancy that I wanted the sex to be a surprise on that wonderful day I gave birth. However, David had decided he wanted to know. So for the last part of the pregnancy, he had kept this big secret, and now I needed to know more than anything what the name of the child within me was.

“It’s a girl.” He told me after much hesitation. I started sobbing. My poor Rosie. She had been picked way before her time.

It seemed like people came out of the woodwork. Jess, Kate, Kyle and Matt all were in my triage room within minutes of David and I finding out we had lost our baby girl. My Mom and Dad were there within 45 minutes of finding out. Nurses were coming and going in a steady stream and I don’t even know what they were doing, because it all was a blur. My sister, Kate, stood over me with a helpless look on her face. She is a Neo-natal intensive care unit(NICU) nurse, so all she deals with is little sick babies. She put her hands on my belly, and said “I want them to take her out now! I feel like we could still save her! I feel so helpless.” She didn’t understand why babies of 27 weeks gestation can survive, but her niece who was a healthy 34.5 weeks gestation didn’t make it. Everyone cried with me. Everyone felt my pain, because each and every one of them had hopes and dreams for this baby. Rosie was the first child amongst this family we had created. She was going to be, and is, the loved niece and the spoiled granddaughter.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/60.html

Rachel
Mom to Lyra Mae

Stillborn on December 18th, 2009 at 30 weeks
Wichita, KS

I intended to have very few children. And they would be a long ways down the road of our marriage. 5 years maybe? I wanted to travel and do my art and career. Husband was generally more open to the thought of children, and when we moved back to Kansas after completing school, we decided to try doing the trifecta of “the most stressful things in life”: moving, starting full time jobs, and getting pregnant after 3.5 years of marriage. We’re pros at flying by the seat of our pants, so we just went with it, and told everyone from the moment we knew we were pregnant.

Despite being utterly scared and ignorant about pregnancy and birth, we were also very excited. Husband poured over cloth diaper options, and we bought clothes very early on, even without knowing the gender. When we found out we were having a little girl, we immediately decided her name would be Lyra Mae, but decided to keep it to ourselves so we had a little secret between the two of us. It was a picture perfect pregnancy. No issues, no concerns.

Once we made it to the third trimester, I started to breathe a teensy bit easier. It was all downhill from here, right? Three days make up the finale of Lyra’s story. Three specific days in December which I look back on and wonder if we could have known.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/55.html

Dana
Mom to Jacob
Stillborn on June 1st, 2010
Toronto, Ontario

I lost my first baby.

I suspected I was pregnant within a week of conceiving, but I waited another week to take a pregnancy test because I didn’t want to be disappointed and I thought it was too soon to get an accurate result. We were so happy when the pregnancy test was positive (and the 4 additional tests I took after that). I had 2 months of all day nausea that ended when I was 15 weeks pregnant, but if that meant I was pregnant then I didn’t mind.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/54.html

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