20161026_082051

Charissa

Mom to Finn Liam

January 24, 2016

Gardner, Kansas

Two years after we initially started trying, we wondered if we would ever be able to have a second child. In June 2015, we went on vacation to the Smoky mountains and visited Dollywood. After riding a triple inversion roller coaster, I felt very off, which was unusual for me because I usually handle roller coasters very well. The next day I took a test and was thrilled to see two lines — I was finally pregnant with our second child! My pregnancy progressed smoothly and uneventfully, and our 18-week sonogram revealed a healthy baby who danced his little legs around and showed off for us. We learned our baby was a boy. Over the next few months, we painted his room and re-assembled the crib. As his due date of February 27th drew closer, I unpacked the baby gear and folded the newborn clothes neatly in his closet, including a couple of “Little Brother” sleepers I had picked out just for him. I packed a hospital bag with a newborn-sized coming home outfit. I unpacked and washed the infant car seat and ordered diapers online. We were so ready and excited to meet our baby!

On the morning of January 23rd, I didn’t wake up until it was almost time to leave for my hair appointment. I was exhausted as I had been fighting a cold and sinus infection all week. It didn’t seem like my baby had been very active that morning, but then again I hadn’t been awake very long and thought I might have just missed his activity. He was usually most active at night around bedtime. I had an anterior placenta, so it was often difficult to notice his movements unless I was paying attention. I didn’t feel him as distinctly as I had with my first child, Jaxton.

After my hair appointment, I still wasn’t feeling much, so I went home determined to monitor his movements. At home I glided the home doppler over my belly. Immediately, the sound of his strong heartbeat met my ears and I relaxed a bit. Maybe he was just having a slow day or in a different position than usual. Lying on my side in bed, I attempted to count his movements. I tried shaking my belly to get a reaction. I was getting barely anything. I decided to go eat and drink some sugary juice to see if that would perk him up. As I ate, I noticed his feet were poking out in their usual spot at the top of my belly. We often played a game in which he would poke out his feet and I would push back in on them and he would react by pushing back or moving them. On that night, his feet seemed to be pressing out with more force and they remained that way despite me pushing on them.

At that point, I was getting really worried. I checked the doppler again and his heart still sounded strong. I sat in a chair with my 3 year old son Jaxton on my lap while he was watching YouTube videos. In retrospect he should have been in bed, but I was too worried about the situation at hand to go through our bedtime routine. Usually when Jaxton would sit on my lap and lean against my belly, the baby would squirm or kick in response. My husband Phillip and I always joked it was sibling rivalry starting early. That night, there were no kicks or squirms. I thought I felt a shifting inside of me. I grabbed my doppler, hurriedly rubbed coconut oil on my belly to help it glide, and listened again. Nothing but the sounds of my own body met my ears. At that moment, I truly understood the meaning of deafening silence. My heart raced as I searched and searched, hoping and praying that he was just hiding or that my doppler wasn’t working correctly. I frantically told Phillip we needed to go to the hospital right away. We grabbed our coats, bundled up our son, and rushed out the door. I didn’t say a word the whole way there; I just prayed to God to please let my baby be ok.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/01/8404.html

D7387997-5F1D-4CB8-B4D8-52A5C9DACBFD

Taylor

Mom to Bailey Marie

October 14, 2015 – October 15, 2015

Vacaville, California

March 8, 2015, the best day of my life. I found out I was pregnant. I took about 5 pregnancy tests to really make sure I was pregnant and once I realized I was and that there’s no way 5 tests could be wrong, I looked in the mirror and said to myself “you’re going to be a mom,” and I began crying with excitement. It is what I have wanted for so long, a family of my own.

My boyfriend was out golfing so I went to the store and got a onesie and wrapped it along with the pregnancy tests for when he got home. Once he opened the perfectly wrapped package we both just smiled, the most genuine smiles we’ve both ever seen. Our lives were beginning now. The doctor appointments began. Always a strong heartbeat and they always told me it was a big baby. My gut was telling me it was a boy. We had a gender reveal party to find out the sex, IT WAS A GIRL! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8070.html

liz1

Liz

Mom to Lillian Grace

 Stillborn May 29, 2015

St. Louis, Missouri

Thursday, May 28, 2015 was an ordinary day. I took my 3 year old son to preschool. I went to work. Since I ended up getting out of work early and still had some time before my prenatal appointment at 3:30pm, I went to Target. I bought pacifiers and diapers. I remember another mom in the sunscreen aisle asked how far along I was. “35 weeks! Almost there!” Little did I know… [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/8008.html

Jamie

Jamie Lynn

Mom to Edward Malcolm Joseph October 29, 2013

Baby M #1: 11 weeks, July 2014

Baby M #2: 9 weeks, November 2014

Posterior Urethral Valves (PUV)

Ontario, Canada

 

Three years after marrying my amazing husband Michael, we decided to start a family. After a few months of unsuccessful trying, I had a feeling there had to be something wrong… I called my mom and luckily she knew a fantastic fertility doctor who could see me right away.

It was a pretty quick diagnosis – it only took one ultrasound to discover I have polycystic ovaries. We tried a couple cycles of Clomid and then opted for surgery to get my ovaries to respond. Two months later I was pregnant with our absolutely gorgeous and wonderful little girl, Halina. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/03/7633.html

Laura

Mom to Caitlyn Joann

Born still August 8, 2012

Dalton, Georgia

Caitlyn Joann Leach was born of August 8th 2012 at 8:14 pm. She weighed 4lbs 5ozs and was 17 inches long. She had a full head of red hair. I got to wash and dress her. I held her for almost 24 hours. I didn’t want to let her go. I thought if I did, then it was really true that I had lost my daughter, and that made me so angry. I remember cursing God and everyone that came near me.

I am tired of people telling me that I am young and that I can always try again…that maybe true that I can always have another baby, but it won’t be the one that I lost.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5927.html

RaeAnne

Mom to Samuel Evan

Born and died April 14, 2012

North Mankato, Minnesota

After only a few months of trying, my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first baby in September of 2011. We were overjoyed! We started preparing for him as soon as we knew he was there. We loved him so much and wanted him more than anything. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5852.html

Melissa

Mom to Kristiana

Born and died April 27, 2010

Lynn, Massachusettes

I found out I was pregnant in late August 2009 right after my 27th birthday. I thought it was the best birthday present anyone could ever give me. Being a mother was all I ever wanted. My pregnancy seemed normal until February 24, 2010. I was 27 weeks pregnant and went for what I thought was a routine ultrasound. I brought my Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, and my daughter’s Godmother to this appointment. The ultrasound tech asked my family to leave and told me a doctor would be in to see me. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5668.html

Mary Anne

Mom to Emma Suzanne “Emma Sue”

Born sleeping May 17, 2012

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

My husband, Jeff, and I met in June of 2008. He wanted to date me from the start, but I had just gotten out of 2 really bad relationships, one right after the other, and decided I wanted to be single for a while. I also had my son to think of.  After a summer of freedom Jeff was still coming around, so I finally decided to give him a chance. We got along great. He treated me like I should be treated, not what I was used to. And after a few months together I finally introduced him to my son, we made it official that we were a couple in November. He had already started talking about having children, but already having one child from a failed relationship I wasn’t ready. After sometime we started talking about marriage, and I started to feel more secure that this was the man I was going to marry. Wanting to have another baby pretty bad, I decided to go ahead and start trying with Jeff. So I told him I wasn’t starting a new pack of my birth control pills and we could start trying. I thought it would take some time to get pregnant since I was on birth control so long, but we were pregnant right away. Halfway through the pregnancy, we decided to get married, a little sooner than we expected due to Jeff having bad health problems and me having had very good insurance at the time. We were married in September, and our daughter Aubrey was born that New Year’s Eve via c-section like my son. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5458.html

Lauren

Mom to Oliver John

Born an angel February 2, 2012

Washington, DC area

The first time I thought about motherhood, I was 8 or 9 years old. Since then, I have always wanted to have a family.

Andy and I got married in 2008 and had the perfect wedding we planned for. We were both attending graduate school and got into our universities of choice. We soon were homeowners in a charming town that was filled with young families. Every corner you looked, there was a dog towed by a new mom, pushing little bundles of joy in the newest strollers on the market. I couldn’t wait for this to be a part of my life. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5395.html

Tristan

Mom to Gabriel

October 8, 2009 – November 5, 2009

Rockford, Michigan

I woke up early on the morning of February 27, 2009. It was my husband and my first anniversary, and for some reason, although we were not actively trying to become pregnant, I felt compelled to take a pregnancy test even though I wasn’t late yet. I sat there waiting, and honestly terrified. I was 20 years old, and my husband was 19. He had just lost his job, and it was nearly impossible to find work in our area. I pondered what would happen if I was pregnant, and how we could support a child. Finally, I couldn’t take the suspense anymore. I looked and saw two lines. Two. I felt like screaming with happiness, but I just walked into our bedroom where my husband was still sleeping. I woke him up, and told him I had found something important, and handed him the test. He didn’t trust the test, so we went to the local grocery store, and bought a digital test. Almost immediately “pregnant” popped up. We couldn’t have been happier. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/02/4612.html

Brandi

Mom to Madison Mae

Stillborn on May 6th, 2010

Rockfield, IN

Hello my name is Brandi, I am a face of loss. I lost my little Madison Mae on May 6th,2010, she was stillborn.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3541.html

 

 

Meg

Mom to Jairus Irvin who was stillborn

December 28, 2010

Roseville, MN

When I was 35 weeks pregnant, I gazed at my son for the first time. But it was too late, he was already gone… [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/06/2235.html

Leanna Reeves

Mommy to Nicholas Warren

November  7, 2008

Newmarket, Ontario, Canada

My name is Leanna.  I am a wife to one and a mommy to four beautiful children.  Three of them walk beside me every day and one flies high above, never too far away.  His name is Nicholas.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/06/1956.html

Shelbie
Mom to Kamberlyn Nicole
Born Still on December 27th, 2010
Abbeville, Alabama
I had a perfect pregnancy, never had any blood pressure problems or any problems really. I was due on February 1, 2011. 


[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/03/743.html

Lyndsi
Mom to Elin Louise
June 7th, 2005
Monday, June 6, 2005 was just an ordinary day for us. I was 35 weeks along and looking forward to the birth of our first child. I got up and went to work at 6 a.m. Later that day I realized I hadn’t felt the baby move much, if any. 
I went home from work at 6 and told my husband. He wasn’t concerned so I tried to calm myself down. Finally, I couldn’t do it and he called our friend and local P.A. He told me to lay down and drink some water and see if I felt anything. I couldn’t relax. The P.A. called me back and decided to make a house call. He came with the portable heart rate thing and checked. He couldn’t find anything but told us he was sure everything was fine and after changing the battery in the monitor and still nothing he played it off as him being over in Iraq for 18 months and not doing any of this stuff. I was completely freaked out and knew something wasn’t right. They never had trouble finding my baby’s heartbeat from week 12 or so. He called the hospital and had us go in to be monitored. It was the longest 30 mile drive. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/02/701.html

Ebony
Mom to my Precious Stillborn Son – Aubren
June 2010
Salisbury, North Carolina
My pregnancy was unexpected BUT exciting and highly anticipated. I had no real complications other than the fact that I had high blood pressure going into the pregnancy. The first 4 months I did not need medication for my HBP at all but then at my 4month visit my dr. wanted to see me back because my bp was elevated. At this point she put my on a low dose bp med for pregnant women experiencing hbp. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/11/575.html

Stephanie
Mom to Aurora Rose
Born sleeping on April 21st, 2010 at 35 weeks
Binghampton, NY
Late August of 1998 I went on a mini vacation with my father and grandmother to the St. Lawrence River. It’s a place we’ve been going all of my life. Late one night my father woke us up and made us go outside to look at the sky. Together, we watched the sky, witnessing the Aurora Borealis together. It was then that I knew I wanted to name my daughter Aurora. I was going into my senior year of high school and wasn’t even dating anyone at the time, but I didn’t care what my future husband thought.
Fast forward to September 2009, my husband and I just got home from a vacation at the St. Lawrence River and were setting up for a garage sale. We had been married for 3 years, and had been ready for a family since day one. The night before I had the most vivid dream of a baby girl being dropped off at or door stop. I ran outside to grab her out of her car seat and noticed a name tag around her neck with the name “Rose” on it. I looked up and down the street and didn’t see anybody. So I snuggled this girl so tight and told her she was mine. All of the sudden people were knocking at my door and asking for the baby back. I cried and screamed, they couldn’t take her! When I woke up I took a pregnancy test, as I had many times before, and was shocked when this one actually came up positive. We were on cloud nine and couldn’t wait to welcome our first baby into the world.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/199.html

Emily
Mom to Baylee Grace
February 26th, 2010
9:11am-10:18am
Winston-Salem, NC
I found out that I was pregnant with Baylee in July of 2009. My husband, Adam, and I already had 2 wonderful boys, Tyler and Noah. Tyler was 10 and Noah was at the time. I was suffering from a pretty bad case of “baby fever”. We were very excited when the test came back positive.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/184.html


Britt
Mom to Duncan Lewis Garibaldi
November 14th, 2008
Wilmington, NC
My sweet Duncan was born still on November 14 2008 at 35 weeks. He was our third baby and first son. He had very severe cardiac and pulmonary defects that were incompatible with life. The autopsy and pathology report confirmed he had Down Syndrome, which we were not aware of during my pregnancy. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/177.html

Maggie
Mom to Alexandra Grace
Born sleeping on November 16th, 2009
Cleveland, OH

I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant on April 27, 2009. I couldn’t believe it. When I took the test, I was expecting it to be negative. Then it turned to positive immediately and I was stunned! What?! So of course I had to take another test after that one…then another just to be sure. There it was, right before me, “pregnant”. At my first appointment it was confirmed that I was 7 weeks pregnant and due December 20, 2009. We even heard and saw a heartbeat! I remember it feeling a little surreal after receiving an actual due date. Wow, in December we’re going to have a baby. A baby! Get ready!

At 9 weeks I started spotting and this is when I started to worry about something going wrong. I went to my doctor’s and she said it was normal. I had a “sensitive cervix” and it was everything just making room for the baby. We had an ultrasound and everything was fine. There was a heartbeat and the baby was even moving around bouncing all over the place. Too early for me to feel anything, but she was moving. Everything was okay. I could relax, but I didn’t. The bleeding really worried me, even if it was supposed to be normal. I remember laying on the couch, crying and telling my husband I had a “bad feeling about this”. I eventually stopped spotting. It only lasted a few days. If I can remember anything about the entire pregnancy, it was a lot of worry. After every appointment I was always thinking… ‘okay, just have to get to the next appointment’. I just have to get to the next month…. everything is going well. I’m a worrier anyway, so I’m sure reading books about pregnancy and reading the things that could go wrong never helped. After 13 weeks I was able to relax, just a little bit. That is supposedly the end of the “danger zone” and there is a less chance of miscarrying. I also remember reading if there was a heartbeat at 7 weeks, there is a 97% chance that the baby will be born healthy. 97% huh? Stupid statistics.

Around 12 or 13 weeks, one of my friends had rented a baby doppler to listen to the heartbeat. She was due about a week before me. I thought that was a great, fun idea! I could listen to the heartbeat whenever I wanted and it would also put my mind at ease in between doctor visits. So I rented one. This became my routine. I would listen to my baby’s heartbeat at least once a day. At first it sounded like a ‘whoosh whoosh’ sound and sometimes it sounded like a horse. Then as I got further along, for some reason I had to listen to her twice, once before I went to work and once after I got home. Just to know she was there and doing okay. Now I’m beginning to think, did I listen too much? Did the doppler have some weird, crazy effect on her? Was it bad?

The rest of my pregnancy was fine. I had the usual aches and pains, but nothing that I thought was out of the ordinary. All my appointments, I was in and out within a matter of minutes. Everything was okay and going well.

Then this weekend came. It started out okay. Thursday, November 12th I had finished my last childbirth class. The car seat was in the car ready to go. We had taken all of the classes. I was ready for labor. The last class was infant care. I remember feeling a little afraid. It was starting to feel real now. I was going to have a baby in a matter of weeks. Were we ready for this?! Can I do this?

That Friday, my work threw me a surprise baby shower! Little did I know, it was also going to be my last day of work. I had not even worked a full day then. I left early to go see the daycare at my husband’s work. We were taking a tour. So exciting! The weekend was just spent doing everything baby. Washing baby clothes, folding clothes and putting them away, getting everything ready for Alexandra.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/27.html

© 2011 Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope | PO Box 26131 | Minneapolis, MN 55426 | Contact Us