At 9 weeks I started spotting and this is when I started to worry about something going wrong. I went to my doctor’s and she said it was normal. I had a “sensitive cervix” and it was everything just making room for the baby. We had an ultrasound and everything was fine. There was a heartbeat and the baby was even moving around bouncing all over the place. Too early for me to feel anything, but she was moving. Everything was okay. I could relax, but I didn’t. The bleeding really worried me, even if it was supposed to be normal. I remember laying on the couch, crying and telling my husband I had a “bad feeling about this”. I eventually stopped spotting. It only lasted a few days. If I can remember anything about the entire pregnancy, it was a lot of worry. After every appointment I was always thinking… ‘okay, just have to get to the next appointment’. I just have to get to the next month…. everything is going well. I’m a worrier anyway, so I’m sure reading books about pregnancy and reading the things that could go wrong never helped. After 13 weeks I was able to relax, just a little bit. That is supposedly the end of the “danger zone” and there is a less chance of miscarrying. I also remember reading if there was a heartbeat at 7 weeks, there is a 97% chance that the baby will be born healthy. 97% huh? Stupid statistics.

Around 12 or 13 weeks, one of my friends had rented a baby doppler to listen to the heartbeat. She was due about a week before me. I thought that was a great, fun idea! I could listen to the heartbeat whenever I wanted and it would also put my mind at ease in between doctor visits. So I rented one. This became my routine. I would listen to my baby’s heartbeat at least once a day. At first it sounded like a ‘whoosh whoosh’ sound and sometimes it sounded like a horse. Then as I got further along, for some reason I had to listen to her twice, once before I went to work and once after I got home. Just to know she was there and doing okay. Now I’m beginning to think, did I listen too much? Did the doppler have some weird, crazy effect on her? Was it bad?

The rest of my pregnancy was fine. I had the usual aches and pains, but nothing that I thought was out of the ordinary. All my appointments, I was in and out within a matter of minutes. Everything was okay and going well.

Then this weekend came. It started out okay. Thursday, November 12th I had finished my last childbirth class. The car seat was in the car ready to go. We had taken all of the classes. I was ready for labor. The last class was infant care. I remember feeling a little afraid. It was starting to feel real now. I was going to have a baby in a matter of weeks. Were we ready for this?! Can I do this?

That Friday, my work threw me a surprise baby shower! Little did I know, it was also going to be my last day of work. I had not even worked a full day then. I left early to go see the daycare at my husband’s work. We were taking a tour. So exciting! The weekend was just spent doing everything baby. Washing baby clothes, folding clothes and putting them away, getting everything ready for Alexandra.

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