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Rose

Mom to James Bentley

December 24, 2014 – December 25, 2014

Petersburg, Virginia

My story starts when I was 32 weeks pregnant. It was December 24th 2014 and the morning started like any other. I woke up, got my husband up and sent him to work and [then I] laid down across the bed to watch a movie. Out of nowhere, a big gush of water came out. I thought it was just pee; it was my first pregnancy and I was only 18 and I had no idea what was going on. I just ignored it and kept going about my day.

Well at about 8 in the morning I started getting sharp pains in my lower back. I thought it was Braxton Hicks. I mean, I’m only 32 weeks. How can I be in Labour? So I tried to walk it out. I tried to sleep it off. Well, at about 5:30 p.m. the pain got HORRIBLE so my husband rushed me to the hospital where I was admitted, sat in a bed and left in a room for an hour and a half. The nurse came in, said I must have pulled a muscle and told me to go home. I was in so much pain by that point, I was shaking and crying.

I left the hospital at 7:32 p.m. I was on the way home when I delivered my son at 8 p.m. in the front seat of my husband’s truck. James Bentley entered this world at 3 pounds 6 ounces 17 inches long and so gorgeous. I called 911 and returned to the hospital with my son where they told me he was fine for 6 hours and wouldn’t let me see him.

At 3 a.m. they came in the room and said he most likely wouldn’t make it through the night and had to be ambulanced to another hospital. Upon arrival they told me he had a hole in his throat the size of a breathing tube and that unless he made it 72 hours, his chances of survival were low. I got to really meet him at this hospital. I spent some time with him once they got him stable and I tried to lay down after knowing he was okay. At 8 am on December 25, 2014, the doctors rushed into my room and told me he was gone. Once they quit manually pumping his oxygen, he was done. Twelve short hours wasn’t long enough. The emotions I feel are unreal. It feels like a dream honestly.

http://facesofloss.com/2016/08/8331.html

april

April

Mom to Emery Rose

October 20, 2015-October 21, 2015

Whiteland, Indiana

In August 2014, I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve and told that I likely would never be able to conceive a child again.  My husband and I accepted this and actually were not looking to have any more children.  At the time, we already had a boy 11 and a girl 4.  It was something we just took off of our radar and continued on.

In April of 2015, I discovered I was pregnant. We were shocked and nervous, but I was still so excited.  The day I found out I was pregnant I went in for blood work.  The very next day the doctor’s office called and said that I had very low progesterone.  I remember the nurse asking, “Are you bleeding, spotting or cramping?”  I told her no and that I actually felt fine.  She seemed quite surprised and said she would call in a prescription for progesterone and that I needed an ultrasound the same week.  The ultrasound confirmed what we already knew and they determined a due date of December 10, 2015.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8067.html

sam

Sam

Mom to Sawyer Lee

November 5, 2015

Maryville, Missouri

My name is Sam Bode, and November 5th is the date that will forever bring tears to my eyes and an ache in my chest. I’ll start at the beginning… August 6, 2015 was the happiest day of my life. My “nugget” was a girl, a perfectly healthy growing baby girl, Sawyer Lee Anderson. What could be better? We were halfway through our pregnancy and so excited, so were our family and friends. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8028.html

neonatalloss

Christine

Mom to Matthew

Saint Louis, Missouri

July 13, 2015

I always knew I wanted a family, but I was terrified of being pregnant.  Always having been acutely aware, in a borderline hypochondriac sort of way, of the range of things that could go wrong in pregnancy, I’d already thought of all the terrible possibilities.

Eventually deciding my desire to expand our family trumped my intense fear of statistically small probabilities of worst case scenarios, I decided I wanted to take a leap of faith, after 6.5 years of marriage.  The timing was perfect – we were both approaching 30 and finally ready for a new chapter.  We were over the moon excited when we found out I was pregnant!  And I was still terrified.

Pregnancy was easy for me, at least physically.  In the early days, I freaked out about aforementioned worst case scenarios.  Dr. Google and I were frenemies – I was an accountant by day and an internet-trained maternal fetal medicine specialist by night.  I cried during the first several ultrasounds, so scared we’d get bad news.  Much to our delight, everything went perfectly.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7934.html

michelle

Mom to Katie

Born sleeping May 26, 2009

Aberystwyth, Ceredigion

This is for our precious angel, Katie Isobel.

She didn’t have a long life. In fact she never even took her first breath in our world, but despite all of that, she was — and still is — loved by so many. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7259.html

Eva

Mom to Brianna

Born and died July 8, 2010

Toa Baja, Puerto Rico

I discovered I was pregnant on Christmas Eve 2009.  I saw a very faint second line on the pregnancy test.  I then confirmed it on Christmas Day.  It was the best gift ever.  Having had a blighted ovum two years before, I considered her my rainbow baby and we were happy to have been blessed again.

I always wanted to have a girl.  Really wanted a girl.  With my first pregnancy I had a boy.  A wonderful, magnificent, perfect little boy without whom I couldn’t imagine my days.   And this being my last child, I definitely wanted a girl.  From the beginning, I felt the baby was a girl.  Mother’s instinct, I guess.  We officially found out she was indeed a girl on March 26, 2010.  I was soooo happy.  It was amazing.  I couldn’t believe God was blessing me not only with my beloved boy, but with the girl I always wanted.  Life was good. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5687.html

Adrianna

Mom to Avery Alexander Napaluch

Born still at thirty-two weeks on October 24, 2011

Arlington, Texas

My name is Adrianna Napaluch. My son’s name is Avery Alexander Napaluch. He was born still at thirty-two weeks, on October 24, 2011at 11:49 A.M. He weighed four pounds and nine ounces and was seventeen and one half inches long.

When I found out I was pregnant I was scared, but excited. I fell in love with the idea of being a mommy. I planned a nursery and read stories to my belly.  I ordered my son’s Christmas stocking for his first Christmas. I was excitedly awaiting the arrival of my first child. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3662.html

Jamie

Mom to Josiah Michael, stillborn on September 12th, 2000

and Sam, miscarried January 11th, 2008

Sahuarita, AZ

In March 2000, after 10 months of trying, I was finally pregnant.  I was so shocked when I saw the positive on the stick, that I took about a dozen more tests.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3549.html

Carmen

Mom to Ryan

Born and Died on April 22nd, 2002 at 26 weeks

Allan

Born and Died on January 19th, 2003 at 23 weeks

and Ethan

Born at 32 weeks on May 10th and Died May 12th due to a heart defect


I am the mother of 3 angels and my last angel died 2 weeks ago.  My story starts 9 years ago when I had my first son Ryan.  When we found out I was pregnant, I was 3 months along and told our family at a restaurant where we had lunch, everyone was ecstatic to hear our news.  I can recall that it was a good pregnancy, no problems and all was going well until 18th April (Good Friday) evening at 11:50pm when I suddenly felt the urge to go to the toilet, which I did and to my horror, saw a thick mucus discharge with blood,  my husband took  me to the Medi-clinic emergency room immediately, where they admitted me as they suspected I was in labour, they put me on the monitor and had a look at my cervix which was not fully dilated yet.  All was going okay during the night and when the OB/GYN came early Saturday morning, she discovered that I was 7 cm dilated and immediately put me on meds to prevent the cervix from dilating further.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/06/2125.html

Tara

Mom to Anthony Brian Martinez

Born Still June 27th, 2010 at 32 Weeks Gestation

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

On Friday, June 25 I noticed Anthony wasn’t moving like he usually did, but we were in the middle of a heat wave and I was in my 3rd trimester & had been told it was normal for babies to move less in late pregnancy. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/04/1108.html


Natalie
Mom to Aiden William
Stillborn November 19th, 2010 at 6:00 a.m.
Weatherford, Texas
My husband and I were married in August of 2005 and we could see having children, we just wanted to wait a few years before we started to try. Finally, in 2008 we wanted to start trying, we tried and tried and tried… no luck. I decided to go to my OBGYN to make sure everything was going okay and that maybe we were just off a bit from my ovulating. Come to find out I have PCOS and I cannot ovulate on my own and I never have. We tried different drug therapies to help me ovulate, nothing helped.
 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/12/604.html

Kerry
Mom to Grace Biondi Morlan
Born still, May 19th, 2003
Des Moines, Iowa

After struggling with infertility my husband, Luke and I were so thrilled to learn we were pregnant with our first child. We did all the things expectant parents do: We read the books, signed up for classes, decorated the nursery, kept a journal with entries we wrote to our cherished first child throughout our pregnancy. I read and sang to the baby and Luke, a music lover, played a variety of his favorite artistes to my growing belly. My baby shower was planned and everyone was excited and the count down was on.
 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/455.html

Tenielle
Mom to Ianto
Born on February 28th, 2010 after dying on February 26th, 2010
Melbourne, Australia

Ianto’s story.

19th August 2009 – exactly a month before my wedding, I took a pregnancy test. It had been sitting in my underwear drawer for a few weeks, and to be honest I only did it because I was bored while my husband Scott was at work. I’d had no symptoms of pregnancy other than the lack of a period, but they’re fairly irregular with me anyway. I was astounded when that little line went pink – I didn’t even have to wait the three minutes suggested on the box! I walked around the flat for what seemed a lifetime, staring at the stick. I eventually called Scott, and asked if he was sitting down. He was, and I blurted it out – “Uh… I’m pregnant.” He was silent for a few seconds, then choked out “Oh my god.” When he got home a few hours later, we stared at each other a few seconds, then burst into tears simultaneously and hugged each other.

20th August 2009
– Scott was at work again, and I walked to the doctors clinic to get the pregnancy confirmed. It was the same – the doctor was amazed that the test came up positive so quickly.


25th August 2009
– It was a very windy day in Melbourne, and it turned out well that our wedding dance lessons were canceled because of that. I had cramps all down one side that were worrying me. We went to the emergency department at the hospital that would become so familiar. They thought the pregnancy might be ectopic so they scheduled me in for an ultrasound the next day. That turned out well – not ectopic, and again, someone was surprised by how strong our baby was! The radiologist said it was the earliest he’d ever been able to pick up a heartbeat. We nicknamed the baby “Smudge” after what he (or she) looked like on that ultrasound.

19th September 2009
– Our wedding. The night before, we had told Scott’s sister that we were expecting. The look of complete and utter joy was brilliant. Our baby would have such a doting aunty! Although she lives in Queensland she stayed in touch my entire pregnancy through facebook, always sending me messages asking how everything was going… I’d still not suffered any morning sickness or anything else commonly associated with early pregnancy. That night we broke the news to Scott’s mum.

September 2009 – February 2010
– Everything was going fantastically. I had been into the ER a few times with various niggles, but each time everything was okay. I was just a hypochondriac. Smudge was developing a great little personality in my tummy. We weren’t finding out the sex, so we chose to say “she” to keep from using the word “it.” “She” loved AC/DC, always kicking along with the beat when I would play their music. “She” hated Robbie Williams, to my sadness, because she’d stay still or kick me in the ribs when he would play. One day, while Scott had his head on my belly listening to her, “she” kicked him hard in the face. There were bad times as well – the ultrasound place that made me angry, the doctor I never want to see again (but then had to)…

Friday 26th February 2010
, 2:00pm – I’d had a very lazy day at my parents’ house. My biggest problems were that someone was tailgating me that morning and that my car still wasn’t back from the mechanic. I slept a few hours, had a massive laugh with my mum and brother, then went to pick Scott up from work. I was so annoyed with him for not coming out straight away, and chose to stay in the car (in the sweltering heat) so we wouldn’t miss each other in the carpark. The heat got too much for me, and suddenly Scott was at my window asking me to wake up. I’d fainted. Eventually he got me into the passenger seat and drove me back to my mum’s place. I fainted again in the car on the way, and was in and out for about an hour. Everytime I’d come to, I’d ask if the baby was okay and go out again. They got me back to the car and Scott took me to the hospital. I was checked, and aside from being a bit dizzy still, I was alright. I was sent to the delivery suite so they could use the doppler to check Smudge was okay. Our biggest fear was that something was wrong and I’d have to give birth early.

4:30 – They had trouble finding a heartbeat. I wasn’t too worried at that point, I knew she’d moved recently so her heart probably wasn’t where they thought it might be. After a few minutes, I was starting to worry. Another doctor came in to try. Nothing. So much gel was on my tummy, it was disgusting. Another doctor. This one tried an old ultrasound machine to try to see the position – there was a tiny flicker where they thought the heart should be, but then nothing again. A better machine was brought in. Again – nothing. I had been staring at that screen so hard, I couldn’t look at Scott because that made real what they were saying. I heard the doctor murmur “there’s nothing there” to a midwife – not to me, to the bloody midwife, and I lost it. I choked out Scott’s name, and he reached down to cuddle me. They left us for a few minutes, in which time we were both pretty much not breathing from crying so hard. They came back and gave us a little hope again – they were sending me down to Radiology to make absolutely sure there was no heartbeat. Even if they did find something, I’d have to be induced because there was obviously something wrong. I was put in the wheelchair and sat for a few minutes near the midwives’ station. In a room near us was another woman in labour. I listened to her new baby’s cries and grinned. I’m sure the midwives thought I was crazy, given what I was going through myself, but to me that was the best sound in the world. My world had turned black, but that woman’s life was just given a rainbow.

7:00 – I was wheeled down to Radiology. I lay on that table, knowing in my heart that nothing would be found but hoping I was wrong. I wasn’t. The radiologist was almost crying herself. She left us, and this time I couldn’t cry – I was out of tears by that point. I was wheeled out again, and she phoned up to Delivery – the poor girl from bed 20 had definitely lost her baby. Scott went outside to call work, and I watched a bit of the Winter Olympics – the ice skating. That poor woman that lost her mum a few days before she won a bronze – how strong she was, smiling through her tears. I cried, my whole body shaking. I was wheeled back up to Delivery, eyes dry again. While I waited in that room for Scott, I cried again. It would become a pattern – since then, it’s been rare for me to cry in front of anyone but him.

9:00 – I changed rooms. Bed 19. This room had a TV. It went on, and we were left again. Doctors and midwives kept coming in and out, telling and asking us various things – did I want to be induced tonight, or wait until the morning when they had the full ultrasound report (tonight, you stupid woman! I don’t care if it’s policy, I want this over as soon as it can be!)? Was I willing to hold the baby after he or she was born (Are you kidding me? Of course I do!)? Everything got too much for me after a while, so I lay down and napped. They came and talked with Scott, telling him they would induce me but they don’t think they should. They woke me to get my consent, which I gave, and they left again. The TV was on all night.

Saturday 27th February 2010
– They put the gel in around midnight, and again at 6am when I hadn’t dilated at all. In the early hours of the morning, I sneakily turned my phone on and updated my facebook status thanking those who had already heard and sent their love. I had a few visitors over the day – my parents and brothers, Scott’s dad (who I didn’t want to see) and aunty… There was a bunch of flowers from the rest of Scott’s family in Queensland. I napped on and off, watching TV in between, and waited for the gel to start working. They put more in at 1:30pm, and this time told me I wasn’t to use the toilet for an hour. I wasn’t even allowed to raise my bed for half an hour. No wonder the first two lots of gel hadn’t worked – I’d been to the loo within minutes of them being put in! I was a bit angry at that. I started having mild cramps around 11:30pm. They were so bad I gave in and asked for a bit of pain relief – funnily enough, I had a pethedine injection before I let them give me Panadeine and a sleeping tablet. They worked, and I slept for the longest I had since Friday.


Sunday 28th February 2010
3:00am – I woke up, the cramps getting worse. At 4am, I asked for another peth injection. This one knocked me out a little, but didn’t take the pain away. It was coming at 5-minute intervals and getting worse. They came and checked my dilation (finally!) at 7:30, and I was fully effaced but only 3-4cm. I told them to call my mum in.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/53.html

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