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Jessi

Mom to Olivia Lynn

April 23, 2017

Cape Coral, Florida

Olivia was our first child. It took us over a year to get pregnant with her. We were seeing a fertility specialist and everything came out negative except for that I had several fibroids. He had actually told me that was probably why I hadn’t gotten pregnant but he could not be sure, but that this could cause me to lose a baby if I got pregnant. He recommended I have a big surgery similar to a c-section to have them removed. He told us not to get pregnant. Well, we stopped trying and got pregnant. He followed us with ultrasounds until my first OB appointment.

Fast forward, the pregnancy was completely normal. I felt great during it. We found out her gender at 19 weeks and everything was normal, although we didn’t get a picture of her face because she was facing my back. We couldn’t see her heart either. The next week or so I started cramping, which they said was normal. They said it was ligament pain or me working too hard (I’m a nurse). They decided to bring me in to check it out. I felt her kick for the first time the night before my appointment and I was so excited it was more than [just] flutters. I also had my home doppler and listened to her that night too. I was leaving and I told me husband to stay home because It was a simple appointment.

When I went in the doctor’s office, they had the doppler out and searched and said, “Huh, she must just be laying in a funny position.” I then texted my husband to come up to the office. The OB then took me over to the ultrasound room and looked and was so confused. He kept saying, “This just doesn’t happen. You’re so far along and this is so rare.” He apologized to me and told me he couldn’t find a heartbeat and wanted me to go into the ultrasound tech’s room. She pulled me in and we could see our little one on the screen but there was no noise and no flickering of a heartbeat. She asked if my husband was coming. I told her he was. She had me stand up and apologized and let me cry on her shoulder.

I was brought back to the exam room. I called my mom on her cell phone (she’s a teacher) and I told her, and she left school to meet me up there. I immediately felt numb and like everything I had pictured and planned came crashing to a halt. My husband arrived and I just cried and tried to explain. Both of us were in such shock. My mom then arrived and hugged both of us. I lost it even more. The OB then came in to give me my options of what the next steps were, and that we could wait a few days if we wanted. I didn’t really know what to say other than I couldn’t have her stay In my belly any longer.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/07/8503.html

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Yolandé

Mom to Ivy Kathryn

June 1, 2017

South Africa

I had visited my cousin’s for the weekend. I came back on the Monday. The Tuesday I noticed she wasn’t moving and told my midwife that I hadn’t felt her or rather can’t remember when last I felt her. I had started before then to do a kicking chart and did it that night also, as my midwife instructed. I did everything. Drank juice, lied down on my left side. I rested. I moved, tried to feel her, talked to her. Deep down I knew something was wrong. I made an appointment with my general practitioner who I’ve come to trust although I planned on doing water birth with a midwife.

My partner did not go in with me. I later saw messages on his phone that he told his mother that he was so stressed for the doctor’s appointment but that he chose to not go in with me and should it not be good news, he wouldn’t know how to deal with it. It’s these little details one never forgets. The image of her in my womb, dead. Lifeless, my body had failed me. How she felt when she died. Did she feel? These thoughts haunt me, daily. 

During my pregnancy, I was fairly stressed. The worry of another child, how we must prepare, how we must prepare our 16-month-old baby boy for his sister got to me and my relationship. Still, my partner stayed. I try to believe and accept that it wasn’t her time and that it is not my fault. Heaven needs her more.

I went into the doctor’s room. I started the consultation by asking the doctor for something for depression or something to calm my nerves and broke down, as I have always felt ashamed to ask for help, emotionally. As if this makes me a weaker person. He said [it was] no problem and then I mentioned that why I was actually there was because I couldn’t remember when I last felt her moving. It did not quite register that there was no heartbeat and that he was looking at my placenta and that there was a tear right there. I was waiting for him to tell me everything is fine, just take it easy and go home, start your anti-depressants. Ivy is fine.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/06/8496.html

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Evelyn

Mom to Enzo

February 21, 2017

Bicknell, Indiana

Finding out I was pregnant was a shock, we weren’t trying and I was 100% convinced that I wasn’t pregnant. I had been sick for awhile but everyone in my house had been passing something back and forth.I had already gotten a negative a test, I only took a second one so I could show it to my doctor at my appointment and rule out pregnancy. That second? It came up positive fast and so dark. You’re suppose to wait two minutes for the results but I had it in two seconds. 

http://facesofloss.com/2017/06/8475.html

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Heather
Mom to Maggie Lee
May 16, 2017
Meadowview, VA

My husband and I had only been married for 4 months when we found out we were pregnant. We couldn’t have been more thrilled. We were both a little older, I was 32 and he was 37 and we didn’t want to wait too long to start our family. I had the most amazing pregnancy from the start. I had no morning sickness and everything went just like it should. We went for our 20 week anatom scan and were very excited to learn that we were having a girl! All my dreams were coming true! Everything looked good with the ultrasound, no problems. The rest of my pregnancy went like the first half. Other than some crazy heartburn and going to the bathroom every 30 minutes, it was perfect.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/06/8464.html

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Eileen

Mom to Paul Raymond and 6 Miscarried Babies

January 9 – 19, 2017
2009-2015

West Seneca, New York

My journey to becoming a mom started in October 2008. My husband and I were married for 2 years and he was just finishing college, so we thought we were in a good place to start a family. Little did we know, we were starting on an incredibly long and sometimes painful journey.

I got pregnant with our first right away. We were ecstatic and told everyone right away. Our first ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a little bean. I couldn’t believe I was finally going to be a mom, something I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. I was 34 years old and it was right before Christmas. But something was off; the baby was measuring a week and more behind. The doctor was sure my dates were off, but since I had been planning and following everything so closely, I knew my dates were right. However, I was naïve enough not to realize there was a big problem. The following February, I started bleeding and we found, at 12 weeks, that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. And so began our journey of struggling to become parents. I lost another baby at 7 weeks that June, the day after seeing a heartbeat. That baby, too, was measuring way behind.

It took an entire year for me to get pregnant again. I had gone to a reproductive endocrinologist who diagnosed me with a clotting disorder (elevated PAI-1) and told me the next time I got pregnant, that I’d be put on heparin. After multiple rounds on Femara, I finally fell pregnant in July 2010 with our beautiful, healthy daughter, who was born in March 2011. After my daughter was born, I was content to be one and done. My husband wanted a second child, but I was worried we were pushing our luck. I was getting older, my mother had had multiple losses, including a stillbirth, and I just didn’t want to take a chance. Once my daughter turned 3 though, I changed my mind, and was ready to try again. What followed were four miscarriages (2 early, 2 mid-to-end first trimester) over two years and then finally, a rainbow, in May of 2016.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8444.html

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Jackie

Mom to Luke Patrick

January 27, 2017

Ontario, Canada

When I was ten weeks pregnant, I began to bleed. I didn’t know what to do, so I went to the ER. I happen to be an Emergency Room RN, and I trust my co-workers with my life, so where else would I go but my ER. That was how most people found out I was pregnant. Not the most ideal way to tell people, but nothing about my pregnancy was ideal. Luke’s heart beat was 170 bpm at 10 weeks, they had no explanation for the bleeding and he continued to thrive. I had many trips planned before I found out I was pregnant, so Luke traveled to Las Vegas twice, Wisconsin and Hawaii all within the first 3 months he was conceived.

I had horrible morning sickness all the way up to 20 weeks of pregnancy. Even up to the point of delivering Luke, I was throwing up. And the heartburn. I never knew heartburn could cause you to throw up until being pregnant. I was also having horrible rib pain. We were sent to a perinatologist after they found Luke’s kidney was slightly enlarged. They told us he had cyst on the back of his neck, and his kidney was measuring 4.5 and it should be less than 4. They asked to perform an amniocentesis. I refused. No matter what was wrong, I was going to have Luke, and I was going to love him regardless. They did blood tests, eventually everything came back negative on the genetic aspect. Scheduled an echo, all came back good. We were told that they would have more information at 30 weeks, and that appointment was scheduled.

I went in for my scheduled OB appointment at 27 weeks. I was miserable. My ribs were killing me. I had to pee literally every 15 minutes. My OB offered to take me off work but I wanted to keep working for a few more weeks. That night, I lost part of my mucous plug. Researched it online and saw a lot of people had this happen, it could be normal. I wasn’t able to sleep much that night, woke up at 7 am with period-like cramps. Took some Tylenol, was able to sleep for 3 hours. My friends urged me to call my OB. I told you, I am a nurse. I am stubborn. I didn’t want to go in. My OB told me to go to the hospital to get checked for peace of mind. I went, all the while thinking it was overkill. The nurses told me I was having contractions. They checked my cervix (ow) and did an AFP test. My cervix was closed, however the AFP test came back positive. A positive did not mean I was going to go into labor, but a negative test tells them that there is a 99% chance I would not go into labor for the next 2 weeks. The doctor checked my cervix then (double ow) and I was still closed. Ordered an ultrasound, my cervix was still long, however she wanted to keep me overnight. They gave me Terbutaline twice, and started me on Procardia to try to stop the contractions. In the morning, she checked me again (with the promise I could go home if it was closed) and I was still closed. Sent home on modified bedrest.

Fast forward to one week (exactly) later, I went to the restroom, on the toilet paper, bright red blood. Refusing to want to go to the hospital, I waited an hour. I wanted to stay home however I called my OB and she asked me to come in. I really, REALLY did not want to go in. The cervix checks were so painful. Thinking of Luke’s well-being, I went in. They checked my cervix (yippee) and I was 1-2 cm dilated. I was 28 weeks and 3 days. I couldn’t possibly be in labor. But I was. I was placed on strict bedrest. I put people on bedpans. I did not go on bedpans. I already told you I was going pee every 15 minutes. I’m not exaggerating. I was that annoying patient on the call light, even though I was trying to wait as long as I could. My OB told me I would be in the hospital for weeks. I cried. I couldn’t sleep in hospitals. I was placed on Magnesium. I was awake all night. At 6:45 am I had to pee so bad, but it was almost shift change so I decided to wait until my nurse came in. At 7:15 the OB and my nurse came in. He asked me if I was ok, I told him I had a lot of pressure and I really needed the bedpan. He explained that my baby was breech in the ultrasound from last night and he needed to check to make sure a foot was not coming out. Then, of course, the dreadful cervix check. I was 6 cm. He told me (while I was in shock) that they needed to do a c-section right away. I had sent my family home, I was alone. I couldn’t have Luke by myself. I was able to get ahold of my boyfriend and my mom, they were already prepping me. It was surreal from that moment. I couldn’t have Luke. The nursery wasn’t ready.  He wasn’t done cooking.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/03/8427.html

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