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Sam

Mom to Sawyer Lee

November 5, 2015

Maryville, Missouri

My name is Sam Bode, and November 5th is the date that will forever bring tears to my eyes and an ache in my chest. I’ll start at the beginning… August 6, 2015 was the happiest day of my life. My “nugget” was a girl, a perfectly healthy growing baby girl, Sawyer Lee Anderson. What could be better? We were halfway through our pregnancy and so excited, so were our family and friends. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8028.html

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Tina

Mom to Larkin Amelia

October 7, 2015

Philadelphia, PA

I am sharing our story because my grief counselor keeps suggesting writing as a way to heal. I am sharing our story for other mothers out there who might feel alone in their grief, too. I am sharing our story because I had a daughter, and I want people to know about her. I am sharing our story because the memories and love for her are all we have left to share. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/8023.html

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Sade

Mom to Ka’lana Malaysia

Born April 30, 2015, Died November 11, 2015

Charleston, South Carolina

On Veterans Day of 2015, my beautiful baby girl died in her sleep. She was a loving and caring baby and well mannered. My heart is broken and I don’t understand how a healthy child could just die in their sleep. It hurts so bad. I cry and cry every day. Holidays are approaching and she’s not gonna be here in the flesh; it’s killing me.

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/8020.html

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Liz

Mom to Lillian Grace

 Stillborn May 29, 2015

St. Louis, Missouri

Thursday, May 28, 2015 was an ordinary day. I took my 3 year old son to preschool. I went to work. Since I ended up getting out of work early and still had some time before my prenatal appointment at 3:30pm, I went to Target. I bought pacifiers and diapers. I remember another mom in the sunscreen aisle asked how far along I was. “35 weeks! Almost there!” Little did I know… [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/8008.html

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Amber

Mom to Gage Gene

August 25, 2015

Abbeville, Louisiana

The day I found out I was gonna be a mom was the best day of my life. I was excited to share this wonderful news with my friends and family. My first few months of pregnancy were a little rough; morning sickness every day. After I hit my third trimester, things got a little easier for me. The rest of my pregnancy was awesome other then being pregnant in the summertime. I couldn’t of asked for a better pregnancy.

I went to my last office visit; I remember it like it was yesterday. It was Monday, August 24th at 10:30 a.m. They pulled me back to my room to put a stress test on my stomach to see how my son was doing. They didn’t hear a heartbeat. The doctor walked into the room and asked for us to go into the ultrasound room to do an ultrasound. I was so nervous. I knew something wasn’t right. The doctor started rubbing my belly. She looked so white and shocked. I turned to her and said, “Please please tell me what’s going on. You’re making me so nervous.” She put her head down and said, “I’m sorry Amber. Gage doesn’t have a heartbeat.” [In] that moment, my world stopped. They rushed me to the hospital where I gave birth to a beautiful 6 pound 3 ounce baby boy, Gage Gene on August 25th at 4:18 a.m.

Now coming to relate that my son was gone. How was I supposed to move forward? I never knew how bad I wanted something in my life until it was gone. [When] me and my husband and family and friends gathered together to tell Gage bye it was the hardest thing ever. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I wanted to start my life with my son and husband. I wanted my family and now I had to realize that wasn’t going to happen. Now instead of playing with my son and sharing every moment with him, I have to visit him at his grave where is laid to rest. My husband and I read books to him and grieve for him every second of our lives. I love my son more than anything; he’s my world. Just because I’m not raising him doesn’t mean he isn’t holding my hand, helping me get through each and every day.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/7989.html

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Wanda

Mom to Baby M

Miscarried: February 15, 2015,  Expected Due Date: September 10, 2015

Boston, Massachusetts

I managed to take a shower as the blood dripped out of my body and spiraled down the drain. It will take two hours for a cab, the voice on the other end of the phone stated. Admittedly, I should have called for an ambulance, especially since we were in the middle of another New England blizzard with zero driving visibility. In my mind though, that would have made the experience that much more of an emergency. This was not an emergency. At least, I didn’t want it to be—even though, intellectually I knew that I was losing the life inside of me with every passing minute.

I trudged through the six or so inches of snow on the ground towards my car. Incoming call. I answer. What’s wrong? The voice asked. I’m bleeding. I think I’m losing the baby. I tell my friend through the tears streaming down my face. I’ll meet you at the hospital, she said. 

I don’t know how, but I managed to drive myself to the emergency room. For two miles, the only people I shared the road with were the snowplow drivers. I’m almost 11 weeks pregnant and I’m bleeding, was all that I could manage to say to the receptionist before I broke down sobbing and wiping away my tears with my scarf.

I was immediately brought into a room where I was given a gown, poked with an IV needle, and asked what seemed to be 100 questions in a matter of minutes. Yes, I called my midwife. No, I did not do anything out of the ordinary today.

No, the baby’s father is not involved. Yes, I have health insurance. Yes, I called my brother and friend who will be meeting me here. No, I have not had an ultrasound; it is scheduled for next week. As I answered the questions, a short dark-haired doctor approached the bedside. She tried to assure me that although I was bleeding heavily it did not mean that I was losing my baby. She tried to comfort me, but I knew what was happening. I knew that my body had betrayed me in the most unimaginable way.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/7982.html

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Crystal

Mom to Averie

Born and Died February 12, 2015

Calcium, New York

Up until reaching 33 weeks, my pregnancy had been great. Super easy with very little to no symptoms. I never had morning sickness with her and the heartburn everyone talks about? I was never lucky enough to experience that either. On February 11th, I started noticing strange discharge when I went to the bathroom. It didn’t look normal and at first I thought it was my mucus plug. I researched everything I could find on the internet, which of course is a always a bad idea. I decided it was best to go to the doctor just in case. I called the doctor’s office and they suggested I come in to just make sure that it wasn’t signs of pre-term labor.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/7977.html

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Ashleigh Singh

Mom to Scarlett Kathryn 

August 18th, 2015

Fort Collins, Colorado

 

Well, here goes nothing… I have been told by many people that writing about the death of a baby helps with the grieving process. I am skeptical that my pain will ever go away, but if someone somewhere reads this post and realizes that they are not alone in this terrible world then that makes me feel a little better. I am suffering deeply right now. I paused just then trying to find the right word. “Suffering” does not sum up what my husband and I feel. The truth is, no words can describe how we feel. Lonely, heartbroken, angry, jealous, depressed, lost-is there a word that can describe all of this and more? No. Eleven days before my due date, our lives came crashing down and we didn’t even know it. Here is our story.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/7973.html

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Brittany

Mom to Carter

Ball Ground, Georgia

January 7, 2015

Carter Scott Combs was born an Angel on January 7, 2015 at 36 weeks and 3 days.

…and to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus?

I was born to be a Mom and I knew I wanted babies since I was young. If I knew then what I know now, I still wouldn’t change having our son.

Our baby boy has touched more lives in the past few months than some people do in a lifetime. I know God gave us this baby for a reason and I knew that I needed to tell his story.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7943.html

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Amanda

Mom to Jack Daniel 

Chicago, Illinois (Living in Bucharest, Romania)

05-11-15 to 05-12-15

The best things in life aren’t planned, or so I’ve been told.  And that’s exactly what everyone said to me when I found I was pregnant just two months shy of my fortieth birthday.  I wasn’t trying; on the contrary I was actively trying not to get pregnant. “Bob” and I had just decided not to continue dating.  After a great vacation he’d called it quits at the airport.  A few weeks later we got together for one last hurrah.  And what a last hurrah it was, our son was conceived that day.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7938.html

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Christine

Mom to Matthew

Saint Louis, Missouri

July 13, 2015

I always knew I wanted a family, but I was terrified of being pregnant.  Always having been acutely aware, in a borderline hypochondriac sort of way, of the range of things that could go wrong in pregnancy, I’d already thought of all the terrible possibilities.

Eventually deciding my desire to expand our family trumped my intense fear of statistically small probabilities of worst case scenarios, I decided I wanted to take a leap of faith, after 6.5 years of marriage.  The timing was perfect – we were both approaching 30 and finally ready for a new chapter.  We were over the moon excited when we found out I was pregnant!  And I was still terrified.

Pregnancy was easy for me, at least physically.  In the early days, I freaked out about aforementioned worst case scenarios.  Dr. Google and I were frenemies – I was an accountant by day and an internet-trained maternal fetal medicine specialist by night.  I cried during the first several ultrasounds, so scared we’d get bad news.  Much to our delight, everything went perfectly.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7934.html

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Nikki

Mother to Raylee Nichole, and three other babies in Heaven.

Baby one lost at 6 weeks in January 2007.

Baby two lost at 7 weeks in April 2007.

Baby three lost at 11 weeks in October 2008.

Raylee Nichole born August 6 2015 at 16 weeks and 5 days

West Lafayette, Indiana

My name is Nikki and I have four beautiful angels in heaven. It all started in 2007 when my period hadn’t come on its regularly scheduled day. Growing up my periods have never been quite “normal”. I was young and didn’t think anything about it. I figured it could have been due to stress or something and surely I would start soon. I began to bleed about 3 weeks after my estimated start day. I just assumed it was my period finally coming. But as the days went on the cramping got pretty intense and I was passing pretty large blood clots. I got nervous and went to the emergency room. Regular protocol is to take a urine pregnancy test. It came back positive. Holy cow, I was pregnant.

[Read more…]

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7925.html

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Elizabeth

Mom to twins: Lucy and Anthony
and Baby Taylor

Miscarried at 13.5 weeks gestation on January 13, 2015 & 4 weeks on June 1, 2015

Gainesville, Florida

No woman at 18 years of age should ever have to mumble the devastating words of “I lost my babies.” Those words should have never had to leave my mouth.  God, however, had other plans. That was my life, a good 6 months of it. This is my story of loss, of hope, and of courage.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7918.html

Heather

Heather 

Mom to Angel Baby and Angel Girl Baby

April 8, 2015 and August 6, 2015

Oconomowoc, Wisconsin

On March 7th, I took a home pregnancy test. This wasn’t my first test ever, but it was the first one that was positive. Scott and I had decided in December, when my birth control pills ran out that I wouldn’t renew them, however, we weren’t “trying.” We figured since I had been on the pill since my freshman year of high school it was going to take a while. Like a year. Well, we were wrong.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7913.html

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Nancy

Mom to Iann

July 16, 2015

San Diego, California

It was January when my older and only sister announced to us she was expecting her firstborn child. I was ecstatic and happy for her. By early March we sat around my kitchen table talking about her pregnancy and how I was having pre menstrual cycle symptoms, then she joked saying “Just watch what If you are pregnant too?” Laughing I answered “NO, we are not trying right now”. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7907.html

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Cheri

Mom to Two Babies

March 9, 2009 and September 4, 2015

Richmond, Virginia

It’s hard enough when you are terrified from the moment you find out you’re pregnant. Having multiple miscarriages makes it even harder. When you’ve tried for over 5 years to get pregnant after the first miscarriage, I think fear doesn’t even begin to explain the feelings you have during that time.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/09/7884.html

AngelicaAngelica

Mom to Baby Gunn

May 11, 2015

Overland Park, Kansas

Why did this happen to us? After months of trying to convince my husband to have another child, we finally began trying. We became pregnant and then 12 weeks later we lost our baby on the bathroom floor.

I just don’t understand it and I’m not sure I ever will. I knew from our very first ultrasound at 5 weeks in the emergency room for cramping that something wasn’t right. The doctor came in and said “we see a gestational sac but there is no baby in it at this time”, my heart sunk and I became speechless. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/09/7877.html

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Mom to Estelle

June 23, 2015

San Antonio, Texas

Eighteen and preparing to leave for college, I found out I was pregnant on June 20th of this year. To say the least, I freaked out. My boyfriend was with me when I found out, and immediately after I told my parents the news. There was much talk of abortion among some of my family, and adoption, but keeping the baby and not attending school was everyone’s worst nightmare for me. I think I knew right away I wanted to keep it.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/08/7870.html

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Alyssa
Mommy to Messiah
04/01/2015
Buffalo, NY

About four and a half months ago [at time of writing] at 18 weeks I lost my son due to an infection called chorioamnionitis. I was told at one of my pre natal appointments I had the group b strep bacteria in my vagina, but they could not give me anything until I was in labor. About a month after I had my miscarriage, the doctor told me the infection is what caused my water to break early. The group b strep is what caused the chorioamnionitis. Finding out the physical cause of why I lost my son helped a little. The doctor described the probability of the infection as ‘bad luck’ and ‘ rare’. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/08/7866.html

 

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Jane

Mom to Nathaniel Edward

May 10, 2015

Brooklyn, New York

 

May 9th was the worst day of my life. I go over that day, the ones that precede it and the ones to follow in my head again and again. Even six weeks after, there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about those days. Each time, I go through trying to save my son over and over, only to realize that I can’t and he isn’t coming back to me. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/08/7847.html

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