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Raquel

Mom to Miche and Jephthah

November 15, 2015 and April 29, 2016

Miami, Florida

My husband and I got married in September of 2014. He named his first child long before I was even pregnant — Micheline if the baby was a girl and Michel if the baby was a boy. In June of 2015, I had a Myomectomy to remove a fibroid that was blocking implantation, and in September (on our one-year anniversary) I was pregnant! At my first ultrasound appointment, my mother and I heard my baby’s heartbeat for the first time. It was so exciting!  
     
At the next appointment, however, the doctor asked, “Did we get a heartbeat the last time?” I couldn’t believe he had asked that. His next words were, “The baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. There’s no heartbeat. I’m sorry.” We named our first baby Miche as we didn’t know the sex.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8454.html

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Jenny

Mom to Baby R and River Beth

December 28, 2015 and December 22, 2016

Spokane, Washington

We were so excited to finally be pregnant after almost 6 months of trying. It was November 27, 2015, the day after Thanksgiving, when that pregnancy test showed a positive line. I blurted it out to my best friend because I couldn’t hold the excitement. My mother-in-law met me at my office and I gave her a card that had the news on it. I had been planning the announcements for months, waiting for that positive test. We drove to Babies R Us so that I could find the perfect onesie to announce to my husband that we were finally going to have a baby.

Our first ultrasound at 6 weeks was perfect. We told my sister-in-law, the grandparents, the cousins and some of our friends. We celebrated Christmas full of glee and opened presents for Baby R.

At 8 weeks, 3 days after Christmas, my in-laws went with us to the ultrasound. I will never forget the words, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”

That was the first time our world was shattered. My doctor ran dozens of tests. We already knew I had endometriosis, a bicornuate uterus, and low progesterone. What we didn’t know was that my endometriosis was stage 3 and everywhere. Or to the extent my uterus was bicornuate. With my bleeding disorder I couldn’t miscarry at home due to risk of bleeding out. The D&C was scheduled for three days after the news of losing our first child.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8447.html

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Heather

Mom to Baby Girl Smith

October 23, 2015

Alexandria, Virginia

October 15th is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day.

Last October 15th, I was blissfully, naively pregnant — as one should be — taking belly photos with my husband and dreaming about finally being a family of three.  After struggling with infertility for over 2 years, we were pregnant!  We had seen the baby!  And the heartbeat!  We were over the moon.

Little did I know, by that time, our sweet baby had already slipped away.  She was gone and I was none the wiser.  Isn’t a mother supposed to know when her child is no longer alive? I did not.  It wasn’t until a routine ultrasound on October 23rd, that my doctor would say the words that changed everything:  I’m afraid I don’t have good news.  And for what seemed like an eternity — I stared at the motionless screen, along with my doctor and the ultrasound technician — desperately hoping for some sign of life.  

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/10/8358.html

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Teri

Mom to Mason

Liverpool, United Kingdom

March 16, 2015

[Story Begins]
September 2014

I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I had when seeing my “positive” pregnancy test.

I was living with my parents at the time so immediately called for my Mum who was completely over the moon. I then took a picture of the test and sent it to my boyfriend who was in work at the time. He came to me as soon as he could. We were both incredibly excited and decided to go to the doctor so the pregnancy could be officially confirmed.

We arranged an appointment for that day. After taking another test at the GP surgery we were told that the results were negative and it just wasn’t our time. We were gutted, the excitement taken away from us so quickly. It’s surreal how a faulty pregnancy test can make you feel, missing something that you never actually had. Fortunately for us my doctor had made a mistake and around twenty positive tests later and an ultrasound, there he was, a little blur on a scan picture, my little blur, my Mason.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/09/8344.html

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Leah
Mom to Lyla
December 4, 2015
Elgin, Illinois

My beautiful Lyla Danielle was born December 4, 2015 at 4:48pm weighing in at a whole whopping 4.12lbs. She was the prettiest baby I’d ever seen, she was the only one of my children with my curls and she was still so perfect even though she was stillborn. This is her story: 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/08/8315.html

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Alyssa

Mom to Aiden Nevin

July 24, 2015

Bellwood, Pennsylvania

I am the mother of an angel, an angel named Aiden.  Here is my story.

Aiden was my second pregnancy.  My husband and I were already parents to our precious 4-year-old boy.  While surprised by Aiden’s upcoming arrival, we weren’t any less excited.  Our family was growing just as we always thought it would.  I can still remember after all of those initial doctor appointments, I was still in such disbelief.  My pregnancy progressed in textbook fashion, just as it did during my first, so what did we have to worry about?  Our 4-year-old was beginning to blossom into a wonderful brother-to-be and my husband and I were watching days and weeks pass us by until Aiden would make his entrance into this world. 

At 38 weeks pregnant, I started back to work after a small summer break when one day I noticed that Aiden wasn’t being his fiery self.  His name literally means “little fire” or “fiery one.”  Thoughts crossed my mind, but faded quickly.  I went on throughout that evening with a small tinge of worry, but just tried my best to brush it off.  When I awoke the next morning to get ready for work, I went on with my normal routine, but had still noticed that Aiden wasn’t moving about.  I immediately called my doctor’s office and they told me to head up to Labor and Delivery just to get checked out.  I awoke my husband and after getting our son off to family, we headed to the hospital.  While that car ride was entirely silent, I still really had no sense of worry.  When I arrived to Labor and Delivery, a nurse immediately set me up in a room and hooked me up to a monitor.  She started searching for the “whoosh whoosh whoosh” sound that all moms know all too well and I would say “That’s him, right?”  She would say “I think I’m just getting you.”  Panic had settled in by now.  I silently started praying and kept repeating the word “No” to myself.  She then proceeded to say that she would have to go and get an ultrasound machine just to be sure.  Any loss mom knows this procedure all too well.  Another nurse came in and completed the ultrasound.  She did say that of course they wouldn’t be able to tell us anything until a doctor was able to read the ultrasound, but I knew just from that ultrasound that he was gone; our Aiden was gone.  No movement at all on that monitor; he was still.  A short time later, a young doctor that I had never met before came in wearing a long white lab coat and had confirmed what I already knew.  There was no heartbeat, Aiden was gone. 

At this point, they discussed all my options with me and my family.  Options that would have never crossed my mind before and they proceeded to induce me into labor.  We started alerting family and close friends with phone calls and messages.  You could hear the tears in their voices and in their words.  Family started pouring in throughout the rest of that afternoon and evening.  I was just so numb; no feelings and hardly any words.  My body was shivering; shivering in July.  I now know that my body was in shock.  I had chosen to stop the induction process for the night and we would proceed with everything the next morning at a time of my choosing.  While tossing and turning all night, I awoke semi-refreshed and then doom and dread immediately lingered over me.  I didn’t want this process to last all day or even days.  I prayed to God and Aiden too that they would see me through this process and start me on a path of grieving and healing.  After only a few hours of active labor and a few pushes, my little angel had arrived.  He was so angelic, so perfect.  What could have happened? My wonderful primary care doctor took the time to come and talk with my family the day before and had explained that things can and do happen at this stage of pregnancy.  Soon after he was born, one of the doctors had explained that he did have a significant blood clot in his umbilical cord.  We did elect to have an autopsy completed prior to his funeral arrangements.  After he was born, I got to hold him and so did my husband.  I took my time kissing him as much as I could.  Family came pouring in soon after and said their “Hello’s” and “Goodbyes” all at once.  We were told that he could stay in our room for as long as we would like, but soon afterwards, after being placed in the warmer for pictures, his looks were changing so much already that I didn’t want to remember him like that.  So, I kissed him one last time and said my final goodbye.

In the coming days and weeks, we were beyond blessed with the support of family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, strangers, etc. as we laid Aiden to rest.  After a few months awaiting his autopsy results and being referred to a high-risk obstetrician, it has been discovered that I have a blood clotting condition known as Antiphospholipid Coagulation Syndrome, APS for short which lead to Aiden’s demise. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Aiden and the little person he would be becoming.  I feel as though I am a shattered piece of pottery; carefully glued back together, but still missing a few shards.  Time and a great support system have healed some wounds, but the entire universe could never heal them all.  He was, is, and always will be my angel.

Mommy forever misses you Aiden Nevin.  Until we meet again and spend all eternity in heaven together; sending you many X’s and O’s, X’s and O’s.   

You can email Alyssa at Akey426@gmail.com.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/07/8294.html

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Amy 

Mom to Ollie

July 25, 2015

Grantham, New Hampshire

We are a baby loss family. Our son was born, he was beautiful, and we left the hospital alone and with the most empty feeling imaginable. Our world was turned upside down, and we were left to continue moving forward, and define our new normal. Our family will forever be incomplete. Ollie’s physical presence will always be missing, but he will always remain our very much loved, oldest child. We’ll miss him on holidays, during family events, in family pictures, on Mother’s Day, on Father’s Day, and especially on July 25. We’ll always miss him as our baby, and we’ll also miss him as the age that he would have been. We’ll wonder what his personality would have been like, what his interests would have been, and what he would have looked like as he grew up. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/06/8264.html

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Sarah

Mom to Rebecca Anne

September 4, 2015 – September 5, 2015

Millington, TN

My first pregnancy was textbook, perfect.  No morning sickness, no surprises.  I actually delivered a beautiful, healthy daughter on my due date.

When I got pregnant again, I expected more of the same.  I was so excited I began telling everyone as soon as I found out.  A few weeks later, I had a persistent lower backache one day at work.  I didn’t think much of it, but when I got home, I discovered that I was spotting.  I panicked and called my doctors office, but it was after hours so I wasn’t able to speak to anyone til the next day.  I spent that night completely terrified, researching miscarriage online.  No one I knew had had a miscarriage, or so I thought.  I went to the doctor the next day, still hoping everything was ok.  They performed an ultrasound and my worst fears were confirmed. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8140.html

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Mary Kate

Mom to Charlie Valor

October 29, 2015 – December 22, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

“A honeymoon baby!!!” My mom had the best reaction when we told her I was pregnant. It was May 2015, six weeks into the pregnancy. I was glowing and couldn’t hide it.  I remember looking in the mirror saying to myself, “You are a mother.”

I travel for my job, and over the next three months, I had two meetings in Europe and another meeting in Asia scheduled. I saw the OB and had my first ultrasound 2 days before I left for my business trip to Europe. At that 8 week ultrasound, we found that there was a vanishing twin. This saddened me, and it gave me my first taste of fear in my pregnancy.  I could have been Mommy to twins, and it scared me to think about how the surviving baby would be affected. At the eleven week ultrasound, I was reassured that the baby was ok, measuring on target. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/02/8117.html

Nicole

Nicole

Mom to Brady

Ontario, Canada

September 4, 2015 – Septemner 12, 2015

My husband and I were married in August of 2012.  It was a great day.  We got married after three years of dating.  We also took our time and decided to be just the two of us for a little over two years before starting to think about expanding our family.  We were lucky enough to get pregnant in December 2014.  Meaning our first little one was set to be born just after our three year anniversary and right around my birthday. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8107.html

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April

Mom to Kristian

December 16, 2015

Rocky Point, New York

I am the face of stillbirth. I am April. I’m 23 years old and a mother of a beautiful daughter Areanna and my sleeping handsome son Kristian, who was too beautiful for earth.

Here is my story: Expecting for the second time was so exciting for my boyfriend and I; when we found out we were going to have a boy we couldn’t have been any happier. My pregnancy was well, no issues but one; my cervix was shortening so I was on bedrest. All my boyfriend would talk about was his son and how he couldn’t wait for his arrival. [There was] so much he wanted to teach him and tell him (since his father was never around) Then December 16, 2015 came the date for my scheduled c-section. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8091.html

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Deb

Mom to Samuel

Born and Died on October 1, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I married the most wonderful man and my best friend in September 2013. We decided we’d start trying to have a baby in January 2015, with the thought it may take awhile to get pregnant. I was so anxious and excited to get pregnant that I would take so many pregnancy tests. When I saw that first positive stick, I couldn’t believe it. Mark and I were supposed to take a vacation in Saint Martin in December 2015 and I remember telling him that I didn’t think we would be able to go. He said “why not”. That was when I showed him the positive test and said “Because I’m pregnant!” That was a happy moment.

I was so blessed not to have morning sickness or anything too severe. Smelling beer, charcoal grilling, and the dishwasher made me feel nauseous but that was nothing compared to some mamas. Mark swore we were having a girl because I craved sushi, couldn’t stand the smell of beer and charcoal grilling. Our plan was to not find out the sex of the baby. We all know that plans don’t really work out the way we intend though.

At 10 weeks, I bled. I bled a lot. I woke up early that morning and went downstairs to feed the cat and get some cereal. While downstairs, I felt something warm dripping down my legs which turned out to be blood. I thought I miscarried. I woke Mark and we laid in bed and prayed. I was so scared. I went in for an ultrasound that morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Our little squirming coil (as my husband liked to call the baby) was wiggling around and with a strong heartbeat. I was told I had Placenta Previa and was put on pelvic rest for 5 weeks. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8101.html

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Shannon
Mom to Zoey Ann
December 17, 2015
Los Angeles, California 
It all started when I was 30 years old and I was living in Branson Missouri last year.  Hi,  my name is Shannon and last year I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and excited at the same time.  I always wanted a baby. I knew I would be a good mom even though the father was not involved.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8095.html

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Jen

Mom to Rosalie Joy

November 5, 2015

West Lincoln, Ontario, Canada

On November 5, 2015, I had my baby girl. She was born at 39 weeks 3 days – beautiful, perfect in every way. She weighed 8lbs, 1oz. She was born at 1:05 am.

She died at 7:25am. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8081.html

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Taylor

Mom to Bailey Marie

October 14, 2015 – October 15, 2015

Vacaville, California

March 8, 2015, the best day of my life. I found out I was pregnant. I took about 5 pregnancy tests to really make sure I was pregnant and once I realized I was and that there’s no way 5 tests could be wrong, I looked in the mirror and said to myself “you’re going to be a mom,” and I began crying with excitement. It is what I have wanted for so long, a family of my own.

My boyfriend was out golfing so I went to the store and got a onesie and wrapped it along with the pregnancy tests for when he got home. Once he opened the perfectly wrapped package we both just smiled, the most genuine smiles we’ve both ever seen. Our lives were beginning now. The doctor appointments began. Always a strong heartbeat and they always told me it was a big baby. My gut was telling me it was a boy. We had a gender reveal party to find out the sex, IT WAS A GIRL! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8070.html

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April

Mom to Emery Rose

October 20, 2015-October 21, 2015

Whiteland, Indiana

In August 2014, I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve and told that I likely would never be able to conceive a child again.  My husband and I accepted this and actually were not looking to have any more children.  At the time, we already had a boy 11 and a girl 4.  It was something we just took off of our radar and continued on.

In April of 2015, I discovered I was pregnant. We were shocked and nervous, but I was still so excited.  The day I found out I was pregnant I went in for blood work.  The very next day the doctor’s office called and said that I had very low progesterone.  I remember the nurse asking, “Are you bleeding, spotting or cramping?”  I told her no and that I actually felt fine.  She seemed quite surprised and said she would call in a prescription for progesterone and that I needed an ultrasound the same week.  The ultrasound confirmed what we already knew and they determined a due date of December 10, 2015.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8067.html

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Elizabeth

Mom to Brielle Grace

October 2, 2015

Hartford, Connecticut

My husband and I were so excited, when I say excited, I mean literally over the moon! We are high school sweet hearts, we had traveled & had adventures, but something was definitely missing! That’s why when we found out I was pregnant on May 18th of 2015, we couldn’t have been happier. We had just started to see a fertility specialist because of a uterine abnormality (unicornuate uterus) and were surprised/thrilled/ecstatic really to be finally pregnant! We thought the hard part was over.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8054.html

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Julie

Mom to Lucas Timothy Dale

July 21, 2014 – February 26, 2015

Phoenix, Arizona

Hi my name is Julie and I am the mother of Lucas who died of USID. I was a single mother for several years with three amazing children, Brittani, Cayltyn and Steven. I was so proud to be their mother and watch them achieve their dreams. Then in 2010 I reunited with my high school sweetheart after 8 years of being single. We were happy. Then, to our surprise, we were pregnant with our son Wyatt who was born on August 3, 2012 and was an amazing blessing to our family. My older children were just in love with him. Then on July 21, 2014, Lucas came along. He was born a fighter. Early in the morning less than 24 hours after his birth, he was taken to the NICU due to low plate count. It was the scariest thing I had ever dealt with. But after a transfusion and 6-day stay in the hospital for him and me, we went home. Everything was great; our family was complete. Lucas was a gentle soul, was happy, slept great, nursed great and was not ill at all during his life.

But then on February 26, 2015, I nursed my son and drove him and his older brother to daycare. That morning I remember him smiling at me and just happy. Then at 11:00 a.m. I got the worst call of my life from the babysitter that Lucas was not breathing. I remember screaming and trying to get to my baby. Then when the nurse told me he was gone, my world died. I sat there trying to understand what was happening to me and how this could happen to me when I had done everything right for my son. When I went to go say good bye, it was like someone killed me along with my son.

After 7 months on this earth, my baby was gone. My life and family changed forever. My family, myself, my husband, my children, and my world will never be the same.

I think to myself daily, what if I stayed home that day, what if I did something different? I also blame myself every day for my son’s death. Grief is not something that is easy and I struggle every day to understand why my son is gone. I will [live] every day honoring my son Lucas Timothy Dale and making sure that he is never forgotten. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8041.html

 

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Kati
Momma to Clara Dawn
Born Still  September 20, 2015
Beckley, West Virginia

In June of 2010 I married the love of my life. I was freshly 20 years old and we had been dating for less than a year, but I would have married him after less than a month. He is golden to me, was then and still is. We decided we wanted to wait to start a family, spend time getting to know each other better, traveling, and enjoying being young and married. In October 2014 I went through a spell of fatigue and the thought of pregnancy hit me like a ton of bricks. I had an IUD, we had not talked about getting pregnant yet, I was scared what he would think if I was and I was scared for the baby if I was because of the IUD. My sweet husband wasn’t upset at all, it turned out we were both excited… and then bummed when I took a test and it was negative, so that made the decision for us it was time to get off of birth control and try to get pregnant!

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8037.html

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Dora

Mom to Baby

Went to Heaven on November 12, 2015

Budapest, Hungary

“I made you, but you made me a mother.”

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years when we decided to start trying for a baby. I was 19 and my boyfriend was 20.

I always knew there was something wrong with my fertility. When we first started dating, I wasn’t on birth control. We were using the ‘pull out method’ for 10 months and I had never gotten pregnant. I knew there was something wrong with me. We used birth control pills for one and a half years. I got tired of it, and I had awful baby fever for years by that time, and we started trying in May 2015.

After 6 months, I started to get impatient, and decided to visit my OBGYN. He prescribed me Clomid. I took Clomid in November 2015, our 7th cycle. I was supposed to see my doctor on the second week of my cycle, to see if my follicles were growing or not, but I could only see him a week later. When I finally had my appointment, the doctor checked my uterus with the ultrasound, and said that he could see a gestational sac! He showed me what he was seeing on the monitor, and I saw our baby for the first and last time. I was 2 weeks, 6 days. It was super early, and he had warned me that things could still go either way. But I didn’t care. I was so happy! I was smiling all day, and I felt so happy like never before.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8031.html

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