Mom to Jonathan Anthony

Born still January 24, 2012 at 20 weeks’ gestation

Mar Vista, California

It all happened very fast and was so unexpected. I went to a routine doctor appointment on Monday, January 23rd. The prior week I had the flu and had to reschedule my January 18th appointment until the following Monday. When I arrived, my blood pressure was high but they thought it was due to my sickness. During the doctors routine examination she began to check for the baby’s heartbeat. After an agonizing 10 minutes or so she said she needed to send me to the emergency room because she could not find his heartbeat. I was worried, but honestly thought everything was fine. After all, we had just seen our little guy on a 3D ultrasound the week before. I thought he was just hiding. I called my husband (Jimmy) and after delivering my five other children to their Mam’s, we proceeded to the hospital.

Once we arrived at the hospital I was pretty relaxed. After all, we had sent text messages to our church family, personal friends and family members, everyone was praying. Surly God would not let that many people down, and besides I have a miracle baby and know that God can come through even in bleak circumstance. The ultrasound confirmed what seemed unimaginable to me: our sweet baby boy was already in Heaven. In shock, we gathered our family to prepare for Jonathan’s delivery the next day. I felt so alone and lost that night; how was it possible my baby was dead? I could have sworn I felt him kick that night. January 24, 2012 will be etched on my heart and mind forever. Although I had given birth to five babies, my arrival at the hospital on this day was indescribable. I had been anxious and afraid before but this time I was embarking on a journey that would forever change me. A road no mommy would ever want to walk. As I lay awaiting Jonathan Anthony’s arrival, I pondered what would life be like now, how I would it feel to leave the hospital with empty arms and a broken heart. Jimmy never left my side, yet I felt alone. My wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law joined me for his birth. They looked through the memory box the hospital had provided us, and gave me some helpful information designed to help me through this time.

I never had such conflicting emotions…while desperately wanting it to be over, I knew the end result of his birth would be the ultimate goodbye.  

At around 7:30 I felt the urge to push. When the doctor checked me she said we had to wait until I was fully dilated. She informed us Jonathan’s body could be damaged from the delivery. This is when my tears gave way to panic because this had not crossed my mind, the consequence death had taken on his little body. I begged my husband to pray that Jonathan would be born quickly and entirely whole.

[Read more…]



Mom to Zachary Conner

Born still on November 10, 2011 at 5:53am at 20 weeks

Due March 22, 2012

Sammamish, Washington

I prepared for nearly a year, getting my body in what I thought would be perfect condition for carrying a baby.

We were more than ready to add to our family and were extremely excited when we got pregnant the first month of trying. [Read more…]



Mom to Olivia Marie

Born sleeping on May 18, 2011

Portland, Oregon


It was exactly 4 Mondays ago that my life was perfect…and the last time my life was perfect. [Read more…]



Mom to Isaac Thor

Born Sleeping March 4, 2011

Warrensburg, Missouri

Making the decision to have another baby was a long and prayerful process. We had a desire to add to our family and felt we were in a position to do so. Isaac was to fill that final child chapter in our book of life. Little did we know that his chapter would take the turn it did while changing and blessing our lives the way it has. [Read more…]



Mom to Baby Christian

Born on January 27, 2012

Died on January 24, 2012

Mooresville, North Carolina

It’s hard to even believe what has happened in the past few weeks, but I’ve been told it could be therapeutic to share my story.  I know how much it’s helped me reading other people’s stories, so here goes. [Read more…]



Mom to Drake

Lost May 17, 2011 at 20 weeks

Tipton, United Kingdom

I was 18 when I got pregnant. It wasn’t planned, but as the pregnancy progressed as every woman. I started to get excited. My pregnancy wasn’t easy and from 2 months I was continuously spitting and couldn’t stop; I had bad morning sickness up until I gave birth. [Read more…]



Mom to Identical Twins

Emmerson Claire and Vivienne Catherine

Born and Died June 30th, 2011

Avon, Indiana

On March 5, 2011, I took a pregnancy test. I’m still not a hundred percent sure as to why I took it. I had none of the typical symptoms of early pregnancy. I woke up and something told me to take one. The pregnancy test showed a plus sign within seconds. I was shocked! I went downstairs, got my husband, and told him there was something upstairs I needed him to see. I had him look at the test and asked him to tell me what he saw. He said, in a very nonchalant voice, “I see a plus sign,” and then he left the room!  [Read more…]



Mom to William and Nathaniel Feb 1 1995

Emma and Elizabeth June 30th 1997
Baby “P” June 1999
Edan William August 16 2000
Esik Nathaniel March 15 2002
Ellanor November 22 2003
British Columbia, CA

I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I didn’t believe it when my doctor told me, I even  told her it was impossible.  I had suffered ovarian cysts for some time and I honestly didn’t think I would ever be able to conceive.  I was also bleeding while my Dr told me from what I believed to be my period. My Dr ordered another urine sample pregnancy test and it came back positive again.  My boyfriend was 21, we were scared. My Dr gave me the advice to have an abortion and I refused. I went home and took it easy waiting for the bleeding to stop. The bleeding would calm when I was laying  down but once I sat up I would bleed again. At 10 weeks I had a huge bleeding spell and went to the ER. I had a very hard time getting the staff to stop suggesting a D&C. I had an ultrasound that showed I had a very tilted uterus and surprise I had TWINS. Shock set it very quickly. I had always dreamed of having twins but how on earth could I have two babies at my age?

[Read more…]




Mom to Michael James, miscarried March 20th, 2011

and Cale Rogan, September 4th, 2011

Morristown, TN

My husband and I embarked on our journey to have children thinking it would nothing but excitement and the next step in our marriage. We had been trying for about a year when in February of 2011 I found out I was pregnant. Ecstatic doesn’t begin to describe what we were.



Mom to Hope Snider

July 23rd, 2011

Portsmouth, Virginia

My angel daughter, Hope, was stillborn on July 23, 2011 at 20.4 weeks.  At 17.5 weeks, I went to see my doctor because I was having some bleeding. I was diagnosed with a small placental abruption (a condition where the placenta begins to pull away from the uterus). At that time they were not too concerned because it was so small. I was ordered to do no heavy lifting or exercise and to just take it easy. I did that, but ended up back at the doctors a few days later with some cramping and continued bleeding. At that point, they put me on a modified bed rest to try and get everything under control. [Read more…]


Alyssa Vargas

Mom to

Baby girl Abi

born at 17 weeks November 23, 2010

Baby boy Abel

born at 20 weeks July 25, 2011

Modesto ,California


My life as a mother started in 2007 when I was only 19 years old, blessed with a healthy little girl my daughter Aliana was born October 6, 2007. Aliana is now 3 years old and has had to say goodbye to a brother and a sister within a period of 8 months. [Read more…]



Mom to Baby O # 1, 1997
Baby O # 2, 2002
Baby O # 3, 2003
and Joseph Anthony, 9/11/2010
Boonton, NJ

Since I was a young child I always wanted to be a mother.  Within a year of our marriage I was saying to my husband a saying I would say for five years until we had the funds to have one it was “Lets have a baby”.  I never dreamed that anything would ever go wrong and that it was pretty easy “to have a baby”.

[Read more…]


Melissa Bernatz

Mom to Eden Elizabeth

May 29th, 2011

Hastings, MN

May 27th, 2011 was supposed to be a day of joy and excitement as we were finding out the sex of our baby at our 20 week appointment. It quickly turned into one of the worst days of my life and one I will never forget. [Read more…]


Rachel Deitz

Mom to Vala Faith June 2010


Jordan Alexander lost to pProm born May 14, 2011 and Passed May 15, 2011

Orange Park Florida


In the beginning of 2010 my husband and got a surprise when he took me to the doctor since my voice was gone.  They did a pregnancy test before they gave me any medicine. She came back in and told us I was around 6 weeks along. I was so happy but scared too cause I was bleed pretty bad but they kept telling me as long as I was not passing any clots me and the baby would be fine.   [Read more…]


April Starkey
Lost our baby girl Annabelle Cherrea
June 6, 2011 at 20 weeks
Mansfield, OH


For all of my life, as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. God blessed me with Isaac and let me become one on this earth and I will forever thank Him for that. However, another thing that some may even think I’m weird for, that I wanted to experience was being pregnant long enough to feel my baby move, to see their beautiful baby outline on the ultrasound machine and hear their precious heart beating. [Read more…]



Mommy to Ava Joy

March 8th, 2011 -March 9th, 2011


On July 9th, 2010 I woke up much earlier than usual and for some reason decided while still half asleep that I would take a pregnancy test, it was still a day or two early to be testing but something in me said it couldn’t hurt. When I saw the two lines on that test I instantly screamed. After a year and a half of infertility treatment that included provera, clomid and follistim as well as countless blood work & ultrasounds we were finally pregnant. We soon found out that my HCG levels were not up to par and an early ultrasound showed a blighted ovum. [Read more…]


Mom to Arianna Naomi Foster
December 14th, 2010
Baltimore, Maryland
Arianna had Turner Syndrome. Not full blown Turner Syndrome, but Mosaic Turner Syndrome (45x 47xxx). Doctors called it sporadic. Doctors said it’s rare. Called it an “error” in cell division. Happens in 1 out of 2500 births. That’s a .0004% chance of happening…and it happened to me. I am the statistic. I will never look at probability the same ever again.

[Read more…]


Mom to
Avery Mae,
Trinity Noel
Langston Todd
Born Still on November 7, 2010
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

[Read more…]


Mom to Isaiah Jack
October 28th, 2010
Minnetonka, Minnesota

I was pregnant with my third baby and couldn’t have been happier. I already had two beautiful children, and was excited to have the third and then be done having kids. We were going to be such a happy little family! My pregnancy was going well and I never could have imagined that anything would happen that would take my precious little baby away from me.

Throughout my pregnancy I had the feeling that something was wrong with my baby. I first felt him move around 15 weeks, but then didn’t feel him very regularly. I was thinking that I was probably just paranoid because I was just so anxious for the baby to be here. I was never good at kick-counting anyway, so I just tried to dismiss those anxious thoughts.
My husband Gary and I went in for the 20-week ultrasound on Wednesday, October 27th, 2010 and were so excited to see our little baby for the first time. This was the first baby that we didn’t find out the sex, so the ultrasound was just going to be to make sure that the baby was healthy and everything was looking good. When the ultrasound tech started the scan, I could tell right away that something was odd. I also noticed that the baby on the screen wasn’t really moving. After a few measurements, and her questioning our due date, she stood up to excuse herself and said that she’d be right back.
After she was gone for a couple minutes, I turned to Gary and said, “Something’s wrong, she shouldn’t be gone this long.” Sure enough when she came back into the room she told me that my midwife was on the phone to talk to me. I knew right then, and could hardly believe the words I was hearing when my midwife told me that my baby was no longer living. Total shock. I had to hold onto the counter because I could feel my legs giving out from under me.
So on the day we went in to see our healthy little baby, we ended up planning my stillborn baby’s birth. We were planning to give birth at a birth center, which could no longer happen, so we found ourselves traveling to a faraway hospital where we knew no one. Our midwife would meet us there and work closely with the OB to help us through labor and delivery.
I got induced on Thursday morning and then the waiting began. One of the most important things on our minds was choosing a name for our little angel. We thought we had 4 more months to figure out a name! And since we still didn’t know the baby’s gender, we picked out a boy and a girl name. 
I am forever grateful that labor went as smooth as possible. We were in such good hands and felt truly cared for. And then our baby was born. I can hardly describe what I was feeling at the time, but it was a mix of complete awe at this little miracle that was born, mixed with the deepest sorrow imaginable. Gary looked a little closer and announced that it was a boy. A boy!! I had wanted a boy so badly for our third. We named him Isaiah, which means God is my Help. We gave him the middle name Jack after his big brother, who was always so excited for his little brother to be here (throughout the pregnancy he insisted that it was a little boy, even though we didn’t know).
We held Isaiah for a long time and just wept. We talked to him, prayed for him, and kissed him. We poured out our love in hugs and tears, knowing this would be the last time we would hold him. I wanted him to be crying. I wanted to nurse him. It was horrible to feel absolutely helpless as his mother; I could do nothing to bring him back.
He was beautiful and perfect in every way and there was no obvious reason for his death. When we held him we admired the ways in which he looked like our other children. He had such amazingly long fingers, big feet, and he was tall. He was our baby.
After having him we decided to get some testing done to see if we could find a reason for Isaiah’s death. To our surprise I was diagnosed with two blood-clotting disorders, MTHFR and Factor V Leiden. This diagnosis made me very aware of two things. First, that I was insanely blessed to have two healthy children. Second, that losing Isaiah possibly saved my life. I would not have known about this had I not lost Isaiah, and that could have put my life in danger. So Isaiah truly is my little angel baby.
There are many days when the sadness is overwhelming. The sadness comes in seeing my children or other babies around me and thinking of all the dreams I had for Isaiah’s life. I know that the sadness will not go away, and that’s okay because I lost my child. But I hope and pray that the sadness will lessen over time, so that I can live a life full of love and happiness- a life that would make Isaiah proud.
 You can contact Leah at Leahjean8@hotmail.com


Mom to Lainey
December 8th, 2010
Portland, Maine

My name is Shelley. I am from Portland, Maine. My daughter Lainey was born on 12.8.2010 at 20 weeks.

I had called my doctor the night before concerned about a sharp pain I had while walking. She had me come into the mommy/baby center of the hospital. I was there for all of 20 minutes when they told me the baby wouldn’t make it through the night.

[Read more…]


© 2011 Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope | PO Box 26131 | Minneapolis, MN 55426 | Contact Us