Miranda

Mom to Baby Sellers

Lost October 12, 2012

Vinton, Iowa

My name is Miranda. My husband and I live in a small town in eastern Iowa. I am twenty-three years old and my husband is twenty-seven. We have been together for 6 years, and married since September 2010. We have one dog named Hank (a beagle) who is our baby, and two cats, Peanut and Reggie. This is our story of trying to conceive and a second trimester miscarriage. [Read more...]

Kristina

Mom to Baby Mamott

Lost September 22, 2012

Buffalo, New York

I delivered my 16 week old baby on 9-22-12. I sit here in my bed, in pain, feeling like I’m suffocating…wondering how this could happen to me.

I worked so hard for this baby. Being a mother has been my only dream. I finally met the man of my dreams later in life, and we started to work on building a family. I’m 36 and after 6 months of trying to conceive, I went to a fertility specialist, only to learn that I wasn’t ovulating. We found the cure, but it took several months of going through painful procedures and treatments, including hormone injections. My dream finally came true! I was pregnant. ME! Good ol’ pregnant me! [Read more...]

Carrie

Mom to Thing 1
Lost June 21, 2011 at 16 weeks

and

Thing 2
Lost April 16, 2012 at 14 weeks

Melfort, Saskatchewan, Canada

My now-husband, B, works shift work in Alberta. One day in June, 2011, as we were driving down a gravel road, I blurted, “I’m pregnant.” This is the point the truck skidded to a stop and B looked at me. The ‘WTF Did You Say?!??’ look. I explained how I knew and after a dumbfounded silence, he started driving again. We started talking about him leaving a truck up at work, baby furniture, saving money and finding a bigger apartment. We were happy, the baby was flipping around in my belly and we went about our days, not really realizing what was happening in my body. [Read more...]

Megan

Mom to Byron Matthew
Born and died at 20 weeks on October 10, 2008,

Early miscarriage, June 5, 2009,

and

Isabella Madison
Stillborn at 16 weeks on December 6, 2009.

Jacksonville, North Carolina

Whenever I thought about having children, I never imagined anything bad, scary, traumatic. You see so many women have normal, healthy pregnancies where nothing ever goes wrong and it just never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be one of those “normal” women. Never in one million years would I have imagined that I would be where I am today.

I remember finding out I was pregnant for the first time like it was yesterday. I was 20 years old and had been married to my husband for almost one year. My hand was shaking so hard I could barely show him the test results. I was nervous, excited, scared…so many different emotions all at the same time. I had my first ultrasound when I was 9 weeks pregnant. I cried as soon as I saw my little baby and heard his heart beat. It was such an amazing thing to me to see this life that I had created. That moment was something I could never really find the words to explain. [Read more...]

Tori

Mom to five angels

Two early losses: June 29, 1991 and January 17, 2006

Three at 15-16 weeks gestation:

Brinlee, D&C January 15, 2010
Matthew, miscarried at home July 25, 2010
Paislee, miscarried at home May 10, 2011

Nunnelly, Tennessee

My first miscarriage was after my first child was born. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant. It took six long weeks of heavy bleeding to get over it. I got pregnant again the very next month. It was a healthy, full term baby boy. That pregnancy was followed by two more healthy, full term pregnancies, a girl and a boy. [Read more...]

Karen

Mom to Tobin Robert & Miles Edward

Delivered at 16 weeks on November 16, 2011

Colorado Springs, Colorado

After a 2 ½ year struggle with infertility, we were blessed with our first pregnancy. We found out on August 22, 2011 that the IUI we did was a success! We went for our first ultrasound on September 8, 2011, our 4th wedding anniversary. My fertility specialist was surprised that it was identical twins! We were thrilled! [Read more...]

Kellie

Mom to Andrew Noah, Benjamin Levi, and Caleb Thomas

Born and died December 30, 2009

Bakersfield, California

We had fought for so long for those babies. Years of infertility. IVF worked almost too well. I ended up with triplets! I was so sick even from the beginning. From ten weeks on I had the worst morning sickness. Nothing stayed down very well.

On December 23rd, 2009, when I was about 16 weeks pregnant, I went on home IV hydration since I had been puking up everything in sight. That night, I managed to clot up my IV and had to go in the next day to get a new one placed. The next morning my head was killing me with a hideous headache that wouldn’t respond to anything. [Read more...]

Kari

Mom to Zachary Nathan

June 24th, 2011

and Multiple Miscarriages

August 2006

May 2007

June 2007

October 2009

Marshall, Minnesota

On June 23, 2011 we received one of the most devastating news in our lives. Our baby I had been carrying for 16 weeks no longer had a heartbeat. [Read more...]

Mary Brown

Mom to Cash James Brown

November 7, 2010

Northglenn, Colorado

 

Cash’s story begins July 2010.  My husband and I had been talking about adding to the family for about a year prior to then.  We already had a six year old daughter (my step-daughter whom I consider my own) and figured it was about time to add to the family.  Now, anyone who knows me knows I’m a huge planner, and the thought of having another child and changing what had been routine for so long terrified me.  We decided instead of actually trying to have a baby we would just “not try not to.”  Somehow that seemed to calm my fears a little bit and made things less stressful.  My husband and I both figured it would take a few months to get pregnant since I had been on birth control for so long.  [Read more...]

 

Crystal

Mom to Nathan Allen

July 21, 2011 @ 2:32am

16 weeks, 5 days gestation

Archdale, NC

Here’s the story of how I got to where I am now…

My name is Crystal. My husband, Allen and I were married on September 16, 2000… six years and one day after our first date. I was 20 and he was 25. (We met on a blind date the beginning of my freshman year of high school.) I was finishing college and wanted to wait on starting a family. We figured we were young and had the rest of our lives. What was the rush, right? We decided during our 3rd year of marriage we were ready to begin our family. I went off the pill and we anxiously awaited the day when we would be able to buy the pregnancy test and see those 2 lines. [Read more...]

Annie McKenney

Mom to two Angels

Brewster NY

 

My name is Annie McKenney and I live in Brewster NY. I am 37 years old and I love being a mom. [Read more...]

 

Laura
Mother to Angel
Born into Summerland on March 4th, 2011
San Antonio, Texas

My fiancé and had been living together for three months and hadn’t even told our parents about our engagement yet when my period was late. Not late. Absent. I was on birth control, so I thought it was no big deal, that I was just overreacting. Finally, after a week of waiting for at least some spotting and none showing, I broke down and bought a pregnancy test. I got a three pack of electronic tests – the ones that clearly state “pregnant” or “not pregnant” after peeing on them. The first one I did in a McDonald’s bathroom. I was so nervous that I peed on it too much (I didn’t even know it was possible) and it came out with an error. The second one, I did in an Arby’s bathroom the next day. It said “pregnant” but I didn’t believe it so I used the last one and the results matched. At 20 years old, I was pregnant with an unplanned child.

[Read more...]

Saren
Mom to Drake
Born Still on January 31, 2008 at 16 weeks
Coventry, Rhode Island
 
My name is Saren. I live in Coventry, Rhode Island. I lost my son, Drake, at 16 weeks, on January 31, 2008. I found out I was pregnant in early November of 2007, and from the start I was very ill.

[Read more...]

Amanda
Mom to Gabriel Michael
Born and Passed Away February 27th, 2007
Louisville, Kentucky
This is my story.. the story of my son and how my life changed after this day..

Before I start I was told I would never be able to carry babies because at 16 I had cervical dysplasia and they had to cut off some of my cervix, which is why my kids are preemies.

[Read more...]

Stephanie
Mom to Baby Eddie Davis, III
Born on Saturday, April 10th, 2010, Due on September 21st, 2010
Huntsville, Alabama
On the night of Saturday, April 3, 2010, I began to have lower abdominal pain.  Now I must inform you that this was my first pregnancy, so I had no idea of what to expect, or what to count as a red flag.  The pain was more annoying I thought than major enough for it to be a red flag.  The next day was Easter Sunday, and like most, I went to church service, and throughout service the pain was bearable, but strange.  The whole day, I kept wondering if this was normal.  I made it through Sunday.  Monday morning came and the pain had worsened so I called my OB/GYN.  I asked if they could please squeeze me in due to the pain I was feeling.  Thankfully they were able to see me.  My doctor checked my cervix and informed me that it was still thick and there was no dilating, he told me not to worry. He said it was probably round ligament pain, and to take an ibuprofen for pain.  I left my docs office, still in pain, but confident that my doctor’s words were true.   


[Read more...]

Mary
Mom to Solomon Isaiah
July 8, 2010
Pecks Mill, WV
I knew I had always wanted children. I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis in 2004 and that December, they had to remove my left ovary and tube. My husband and I were married in May 2009 and were very excited about starting a family. I saw a fertility specialist in October and was on fertility medicine for 4 months.. The doctor told us there was no way we could get pregnant during the month of March, due to me having 3 cysts on my right ovary and told us not to even expect to be. We knew God was in control anyway and I found out on April 13th, 2010 we were expecting. My husband was at work. I decided to take a test, not even sure why. I took one, laid it over to the side and finished getting ready. Knowing I had ovulation tests and pregnancy tests in the cabinet, when I saw 2 lines, I had to take a 4th look, thinking it was an ovulation test. But it WASN’T. I called my husband and told him the news but he didn’t believe me. A couple weeks prior, I had a friend pee on a pregnancy test for me and I gave it to him for April Fool’s Day.. So, needless to say, I could understand why he didn’t believe me. He told me I would have to take one in front of him for him to believe me, and I did. We were ecstatic. I was finally going to be a MOMMY.


[Read more...]

Allison
Mom to Drew
May 6th, 2010
Indiana

On May 5th, 2010, I was at work early trying to finish up several projects so that I could leave for my 16 week appointment that afternoon. I remember feeling happy that morning. I had the tape recorder ready to record the baby’s heartbeat. My husband was going to be able to take off early to meet me there. I still remember having the strangest feeling that morning. I bent down to pick something up and felt a little butterfly. At the time, I wondered if I had felt the baby kick. Even now, I wonder if that feeling was little Drew. When I sat up, I just “knew” that the baby was a boy. I wrote a little note in my day planner, “I think the baby is a boy.” I wrote my husband an email at 9:19 that morning and told him about the “weird feeling” that I had had. He wrote back one of his loving one-sentence responses, and we both went about our day. Little did we know how awful that day would turn out.

[Read more...]

Jessica and Danny
Parents to Grace, EDD January 2nd, 2011
Grew her wings on July 18th, 2010 at 16 weeks
Bethlehem, PA

A letter to my daughter:

My precious little Grace, you are so loved, and so deeply missed. I found out about you on Cinco de Mayo! I was at work, and after having peed for about the 12th time that day, at lunch I decided to go to the local drugstore and buy a pregnancy test. I went back to work and directly to the bathroom. I remember I bought one of those digital tests, didn’t want to have to mess around with pink or blue lines…. I barely had gotten the cap on before the word “Pregnant” popped up in that little window. In that very moment, I became a mom….

About 9 weeks into my pregnancy, I developed hyperemesis gravidum. I was put on bedrest at home and was on IV therapy for 5 days. I knew then that you were your father’s child- causing trouble so early. I cursed every time I got sick, but at the same time kept remembering that me being sick meant you were that much healthier, as the hormones that cause morning sickness decrease the risk of miscarriage. ( Or so I had read.)

As time passed, food became tolerable, even enjoyable… I started to relax, to enjoy my time with you. I started to show early, around 13 and a half weeks, I had a definite “bump” and I loved it!! I had so many plans for you Grace, your dad and I were so excited…

On Thursday, July 8th, you gave me a little scare… I went to the bathroom at work, and when I wiped, I saw bright red blood. I called my doctor’s office right away, and they asked if I was cramping at all, and I said no. So they told me it was probably nothing, to go home, take it easy, and to call them back if it got worse. They also scheduled me for an appt the next day, just to be sure. Well, the bleeding stopped, and my anxiety eased. When I went to my appt on Friday, there you were, squirming around in what seemed to be an ocean of amniotic fluid, happy as a clam, with a good, strong, heartbeat. My doctor checked my cervix, and everything was fine! You seemed unfazed by the previous days events.

On July 10th, we were visiting your Godfather, my Uncle Michael, at his house to celebrate your cousin Sara’s 6th birthday. We were surrounded by our family, and during the afternoon, we Skyped with your great- grandparents in Switzerland, and your cousin in Portugal. They all saw you, in bump form, poking out of my bathing suit! Your dad and I were SO happy that day!
I remember feeling a bit crampy on the ride home that night, but chalked it up to gas pain, as I had eaten more that day than I had in quite awhile. When we got home, we pretty much went right to bed, we were both exhausted from the day. Your dad says I fell asleep first, which I must have, because the next thing I know, I feel this gush between my legs that woke me up and I checked for blood right away. There was no blood, and I rushed downstairs to the bathroom, leaking the whole way. I kept trying to convince myself that maybe, just maybe, I had peed in the bed (God, I wish that was what had happened)… But sitting there, I knew what had really happened. I felt my heart break in that very moment. Your dad called the doctors office and we left for the ER before they even called back, because by then, I had started to bleed a litte.

[Read more...]

Brittany
Mom to Baby, miscarried at 8 weeks on January 4th, 2007
and Baby Boy, miscarried at 16 weeks on June 21st, 2010
Newton, AL


My first miscarriage was in Dec. 2007, only seven months after my first son, Jackson, was born. I went in for my first ultrasound the day after Christmas. My husband and I were very excited. The tech started the ultrasound and as soon as the baby came on the screen I knew something was not right. 


The tech kept asking me to hold my breath so she could see if the baby would move. After doing that over and over she sent us back into the waiting room. I looked at Andy and I knew he already knew it was going to be bad news. We then got called back into my doctor’s office were he told us that the baby had not developed and there was no heartbeat. And that it may have even been a molar pregnancy. He gave me two choices: a) we could do a D&C right away or b) let it happen on its own. Well, I was still breastfeeding my 7 month old son, so I decided to go home and let my body do everything on its own. A week went by, a week of hell! Every time I would go to the bathroom I would hold my breath, I was so scared to see the baby come out. But nothing happened, not even a drop of blood. So we went back to the Dr. that next week. He did another u/s and it showed that my body was still growing the sac but no baby. So at that point I wanted it over and set up a D&C.


On Jan 4th I had the surgery. That next May I found out I was pregnant again. And on Jan. 9, 2009 I had another beautiful baby boy, Nicholas! Almost a year to the day of having my D&C. We were over the moon!

We had always planned on having three children and I wanted them two years apart. So the beginning of this year I started hinting around to my husband that it was about time we start trying. Well that never really went anywhere and we both knew that I really never needed to “try” it always just happened for us. So on April 1st I decided I was going to play a joke on a few people for fun. I took a pic of one of my old positive pregnancy tests and sent it to my husband, best friend, and my sister. I first got a text from my sister that said, “haha April Fools.” Then my best friend sent me a text that said, “Really!”. And Andy sent me a text that said, “Again!”. I got a good laugh out of it all and sent them all a Happy April Fools text. Well the next day I was sitting at my computer thinking I should be coming up on my next period like yesterday. So really out of boredom I took a pregnancy test (yes I keep them on hand..lol). Well before I got my pants up there were 2 pink lines. I was like you have got to me kidding me! I call Andy into the bathroom and handing him the stick said, “HAHA the joke is on me!” He busted out laughing! He then said that if this baby is a girl her name will be April. This was going to make for a great story to tell this baby someday.

My pregnancy was going well. I was a bit sicker this go around. I was just hoping that it was a sign of a girl. If this was going to be my last pregnancy, I wanted to make the most of it! I had my 8 week ultrasound on April 30th and there it was, the most prefect little blob with a fast little heartbeat. Everything looked great! My Dr. kept my due date at Dec. 7th and I couldn’t’t wait! I had my 12 week appt. and we heard yet again a strong heartbeat (160 bpm). I entered my 2nd trimester, “the safe zone,” and couldn’t be happier. I was sure we would be having a baby in December.

[Read more...]

Michele
Mom to Nicholas, February 1st, 2008, lived for one hour
Sophia, February 16th, 2008, lived for five minutes
and Alexander, November 23rd, 2009, lived for five minutes
Harleysville, PA

After nearly a decade of infertility, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and treated with ovulatory drugs to facilitate getting pregnant. On our first medicated cycle, we conceived our twins, Nicholas and Sophia. My pregnancy was textbook; and, joys of all joys, we found out we were having a boy and girl at thirteen weeks.
Three weeks later, our world collapsed. After a relaxing day, I was making dinner when I doubled over in pain. Feeling the need to go to the bathroom, I sat down and, almost instantly, delivered my son, Nicholas, into my hand. He was moving, and, as my husband called 911, he reached for his father’s finger, wrapping his tiny hand around as much of his father as he could.

Within moments, the EMTs arrived and did their best, and, at the time, the thought that my sweet little boy could die never crossed my mind. In retrospect, I know that sounds insane, seeing as he weighed a little over an eighth of a pound and was the length of an ink pen. But he was moving and breathing; surely that meant they could save him. The Fire Department Chaplain had heard the call of a woman in premature labor and had responded as well; on that cold, rainy, February night, he collected water in a used coffee cup and baptized my son shortly before we were airlifted to Children’s Hospital.

While in the Medevac, the EMT gave Nicholas an APGAR of 2 and, as we touched down in Philadelphia, 12 minutes later, my son died en route to the emergency room. Laying on the gurney as doctors who were used to working with children tried to stop my labor and stabilize me for transport to the hospital next door, that kind EMT appeared and when I asked, as I had for our entire time together, if my son was alright, I saw a tear roll down his cheek. He closed his eyes and shook his head no, before he touched his forehead to mine. I can still remember my sharp intake of breath… The knowledge that my firstborn son was gone… That my son had died… I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t even begin to catch my breath. The doctors and nurses continued to their work, as I watched a nurse explain to my husband that our son was simply too young to save. She wrapped him in a blanket and I saw Peter clutch that little bundle to his tearstained face.

How? How could this happen? I had had a perfect pregnancy; my scans were outstanding. My cervix was “beautiful” and long. Hadn’t I paid my dues, with a miscarriage early in our marriage followed by 9 years of infertility, and medications to even conceive? I’d followed every recommendation from what not to eat to how to sleep. I never missed a prenatal vitamin or doctor’s appointment. I ate organic food. So why? What happened?

Our OB had no real answers. My pregnancy had been textbook since conception. There were two options; either I simply couldn’t carry more than one baby or my cervix had prematurely dilated for no reason. And then, sometimes, women lost their first second trimester pregnancy just because… and then went on to have perfectly healthy, normal ones. But, he insisted, we would be proactive “the next time” and place a cervical stitch called a cerclage. His specialty was a Shirodkar, which he felt would bring me to viability and beyond.

Three months later, we were blessed with a pregnancy that, heartbreakingly, wasn’t meant to go beyond the first eight weeks. After one missed cycle, we conceived our son, Alexander, and opted to keep our pregnancy a secret until the cerclage was placed. But as our ultrasounds progressed, we were given the news that the risk of miscarriage from the cerclage would be 50% because of how low Alexander had implanted and based on the partial previa of my placenta. Weighing our options, we decided on ultrasounds every 2 weeks and to postpone the cerclage until the risk factors had decreased. At my 16 week ultrasound, things looked good; my placenta was migrating into a more advantageous position and Alexander was playing soccer with whatever internal organs he could find. I finally breathed a sigh of relief; we had crossed the threshold of Nicholas’s birth. We would be alright. I would have the surgery (if it was even needed) and Alexander would be an Easter baby.

Three days after that ultrasound, I was admitted to the hospital for premature dilation. The following day, my water broke. But Alexander was a fighter; it wasn’t until I had a placental abruption two days after my water broke that he had no choice but to enter this world too premature to survive. Having lived through this twice before, we asked the nurses and on-call doctor to leave us alone and to let us birth naturally and together. A priest was called, and he prayed over us. We took our last family nap together. And, a few hours into seventeen weeks, Alexander made his entrance into the world as his sister had, as Peter delivered our second son. He was breach and his feet kicked out first; after three pushes, he arrived in a perfect, peaceful birth. He kicked and his little shoulders moved back and forth as he stretched his limbs. A kind nurse we had called baptized him, and, as they wrapped him in a blanket, his little arms slowed and his muscular legs relaxed. By the time he was placed in my arms, he had drifted off to sleep, never to wake again.

We spent the morning, napping as a family… knowing that we would leave the hospital with a memory box instead of a baby. Peter’s parents came later in the morning to see their youngest grandchild, and our priest drove up after Mass unexpectedly, as our son was being prepared and delicately wrapped for the undertaker. He prayed over him and comforted us in our grief while we prepared to leave the hospital. After a bout with postpartum eclampsia, we planned our second memorial service and prepared to introduce our third child to family and friends, as we asked them to say good-bye.

At my postpartum appointment, we made the decision that, should we get pregnant again, we would place the stitch at 11 weeks, regardless of the risks, and follow it with strict bed rest. In addition, I would take weekly 17-alpha hydroxyprogesterone injections (also known as P-17 shots), to try and prevent a premature rupture of membranes. My doctor was devastated that we had delivered Alexander early and vowed to do whatever he could do to take us beyond 24 weeks in our next pregnancy. We gave him the chance six months later. After a 6-weeks miscarriage, we conceived our second set of boy/girl twins. I resigned from work at ten weeks, and had the stitch placed at 11 weeks. Immediately I went on bed rest, but, at my 20 week ultrasound, fundal pressure caused part of Bobby’s water bag to slip below my cervix which, even with the stitch in place, had dilated to one centimeter. I was admitted to the hospital, placed on inverted bed rest to relieve the pressure from my cervix, and told by the nurses and residents to prepare for another severely premature delivery. And my twins were born premature. But, in addition to being a face of loss, I am also a face of hope; after 7 weeks of hospital bed rest, my 27-week twins were born with a 90% chance of survival and health. They were taken to the NICU, where they spent the first two months of their lives on earth, before coming home without assistance of any kind. Their initial follow-ups showed them in the developmental range of their birth age. At nine months old, our son, Bobby, was 30 inches long and 20 pounds, and our daughter, Maya, was 24 inches long and 15 pounds. Both behaved like full-term 9-month olds. And both continue to bring new days of sunshine into our lives.

[Read more...]

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