MyFace

Tamara

Mom to Amari

February 14, 2016

Hartford, Connecticut

2015 was an amazing year. I was just into my 2nd month of a new IT consulting career, something I had been thinking about for years and my husband (fiancé at the time), was deep into his new job that ended our long distance relationship AND it was a coaching job at our alma mater (we both met there and we also did track and field so it was an extra special job). And the best part of it all, we were to be married that summer! July 10th, 2015 was a beautiful sunny summer day and we exchanged vows in front of our nearest and dearest. Then it was off to party party party on our Cancun honeymoon before the best was to begin! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/06/8257.html

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Bronni

Mom to Odin Jimi

Born March 15, 2016 and Died March 18, 2016

Brisbane, Australia

Hi there men and women of the world. Thank you for reading, on the subject of the loss of a baby. I’m not going to lie, losing a loved one in any way, shape or form is horrible. It’s actually pretty shit… that is the best way to sum up the loss of a loved one in a few simple words. It’s completely shit. But to lose a tiny human that you’ve prayed, cried and taken many, many, many pregnancy tests for is beyond a feeling or emotion that I can describe. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/05/8247.html

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Jaime

Mom to Mason Scott

Born Sleeping May 5, 2016

Chicago, Illinois

ASK ME ABOUT MY SON!

I want to talk about him! Honestly! I want to tell the world how he was so active that I was sure he was practicing dribbling a soccer ball. I want to talk about the times when my husband put his face close to my stomach and talked to our son and got punched in the face. I can imagine him, being a volleyball player, thinking “good spike, son!”. Those are the stories I enjoy sharing but I know that isn’t the story everyone is wondering about.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/05/8248.html

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Alison

Mom to Meredith

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

April 29, 2016

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. -Psalm 39:7

We buried our baby on her due date. We found out our sweet baby Meredith’s heart stopped beating on April 28th. One week before – she had a strong heartbeat, my belly was growing. Two weeks before, I had a non-stress test and she was healthy and reactive. Three weeks before, she was perfect on our last ultrasound – 47th percentile in growth – what a perfect baby. Six pounds already. In the next three weeks she gained almost two more pounds and was moving like crazy. Yes, she had quiet moments during the day, but I never felt her stop. I never felt her die. I was 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. There is no fetal heartbeat. Sometimes this just happens. Your baby is beautiful – perfect. Except she is dead. 7 lbs, 12 ounces, 21 inches. Much bigger than her big brother Cameron when he was born. I prayed throughout my pregnancy that my girl would have a head of dark hair, like me. And she did. Maybe I should’ve prayed more for her health…how dare I take that for granted. There was not a time during my pregnancy that I doubted she would be born healthy and alive. How dare I be so bold. I already had one healthy pregnancy and one perfect child – why would this be any different? [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/05/8242.html

Tracy

Tracy

Mom to Alivia Jean

August 14, 2013 – April 5, 2014

Eagan, Minnesota

It was a Thursday morning. I could tell Alivia was still not feeling well from the night before. She would eat and throw up immediately afterwards which was unusual for her as she didn’t even burp up much. I decided I would stay home that day and take care of her while my husband Ryan dropped off our five year old son Landon at daycare and went to work.Throughout the day, Alivia continued to eat but was unable to keep anything down. She wasn’t running a fever. There were no signs of discomfort. It only seemed as if she had a touch of a stomach bug. The next morning she was still unable to keep anything down. My husband took a turn staying home with her and decided it was best to bring her in to the pediatrician. They checked her out and determined she had a stomach virus and recommended giving her Pedialyte so she would not become dehydrated. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/05/8227.html

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Grace

Mom to Nicholas

January 6, 2016 – March 17, 2016

Fullerton, California

I am 25 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 years. We have had our usual ups and downs like every other couple, but we have finally straightened everything out and we’re talking about marriage and kids soon enough. I found out I was pregnant and we had both decided that we weren’t ready yet as we share an apartment with roommates and we’re both in school and working part time jobs.

When it finally came time for our son to be born, I had to have an emergency C-section as he was not keeping time with my contractions and his heartbeat would stop for a few seconds. They rushed me in and I remember I heard him cry even through my drug-induced haze. I started crying. I was so happy he was ok. When I was out of recovery, I was allowed to see him. I was in awe over this small creature we had created. I wanted to spend every minute I could with him until we had to let him go. But in the end, we couldn’t give him up. I was so happy! I was a mom! We named him Nicholas Michael. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/04/8221.html

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Monet

Mom to Ember Dalca

October 12, 2015

Rocky Top, Tennessee

My story begins in another state, actually. My ex-fiance and I lived in Land O Lakes, Florida, for the past almost 3 years. He and I had our ups and our downs just like every couple, but it came time for us to move. It was near August when we moved. The place we were living then was unfit for any human being, let alone two or three. At the time, he and I were very much in love, and just trying to make ends meet and make our lives as people better. We both moved to Tennessee, hoping for both of us to find jobs quickly, find a place to live, and get on with our lives and be better people and truly be part of the ‘adult’ world that we felt we had not yet joined, despite being 22 and 24 respectively.

At the time, I had absolutely no idea I was pregnant at all. I didn’t know that in August, I was already two months along. I didn’t have any real ‘classic’ signs or symptoms of being pregnant, I even got what I thought was my period each month. But as it turns out, I was not aware that our baby was still there. I was nauseous sometimes, and sometimes my back hurt, and every now and then I felt something strange in my stomach, but I kept ignoring it, thinking it was just all in my imagination. But, it wasn’t. And from here on out, I would like to dedicate the rest of this story as if I were talking to our unborn daughter.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/04/8217.html

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Sarah

Mom to Chad Michael

February 13, 2016 – February 14, 2016

Chicago, Illinois

So this pregnancy was a surprise to my husband and I because we thought I couldn’t get pregnant. In October we found out we were; Steve wanted to tell everyone that day I told him to wait until we knew for sure and to find out how long [I’d been pregnant]. Two days later, I was taken to the hospital because I was bleeding. Everything turned out to be okay (Due date was April 26th, 2016). From our first ultrasound up until December 2, 2015, everything was great. On December 2nd at 18 weeks, my water broke. My coworker at the time took me to the hospital. They ran some test on me and it turned out that in fact my water had broken.

I did not go into labor and so I was sent home 3 days later on bedrest. At this point I was going to my OB doctor specialist doctor every week. [I was] getting blood taken at every appointment to make sure my white blood count was low, because with very low fluid it could [cause] infection and that would be bad for the myself and the baby.By week 24 on January 6th, 2016, I was taken to the hospital again but this time to stay until the baby was born. I was on 24-hour care between monitoring and more blood work, this time every 3 days and anything else needed to keep this baby boy in longer.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8183.html

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Samantha

Mom to Austen Elizabeth

Louisville, Kentucky

November 11, 2015

My pregnancy was not perfect by any means  – but, I knew the whole time, it would be worth it in the end. Every time I complained about being tired, uncomfortable or how I didn’t have anything that fit, somebody was always there to remind me how it would all be worth it in the end.

My husband and I had been married for about a year and a half when we decided we would stop not trying to get pregnant. We had been through the rough first year of marriage, came through closer and happier and we decided that we’d let the universe take over and see what happened. My very first cycle, BAM, pregnant. And before I could even wrap my head around that, I started to bleed. I’m not sure you can even call that being pregnant, because the stick was barely dry before I began to miscarry.

We didn’t let that get us down, and the very next cycle, again, I peed on a stick and it was positive. I was in shock, to say the least. I had read so many stories about how it sometimes takes couples months of trying to conceive before it happens and with what had happened only the previous month, I was a little apprehensive, but thrilled at the same time.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8172.html

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Ashley

Mom to Michael Jeremiah

February 13, 2016

Louisville, Kentucky

Dear Michael Jeremiah,

On October 30, 2015, Daddy and I found out we were 5 weeks pregnant with you. We were so surprised and excited! Your due date was July 3, 2016. We had family photos taken in November so we could make a special Christmas card announcing you! On December 14, 2015 we went to your 11 week ultrasound and got to see you for the first time. We loved listening to your strong heartbeat. Afterwards, we told our families about you and everyone was excited. We gave your grandparents Christmas ornaments announcing you and we let your brothers each hold an ultrasound picture. I will never forget your oldest brother’s love for you. When we told him we were pregnant, he jumped up and down and pumped his arms in the air saying “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Then he said “I hope it’s a GIRL!” I later told him I was pretty sure you would be a boy but he never believed me. Your oldest brother hugged and kissed my belly EVERY NIGHT before bed. He was so excited about you!

On January 5th, 2016 I went to your 14 week check up. The younger two of your older brothers were with me and we got to hear your heartbeat again. It was your second oldest brother’s 4th birthday so I thought that was a special treat for him. He liked to say “the baby is behind your pocket” because I often wore sweatshirts and had a big pocket over the lower part of my belly. I was craving lots of carbohydrates with you (some favorites were tortilla chips and potato skins). On January 16, 2015 I felt the tiny flutter of first movement. Daddy and I were on the way to Logan’s for dinner and I said to Daddy, “I feel the baby moving! I thought I felt the baby earlier today but wasn’t sure until now.” I will cherish the time I had with you growing inside me. As my belly grew and grew, I kept imagining who you would be. We had no idea we would have to say goodbye so soon.

On February 12, 2016 we went to your 19 week ultrasound, excited to find out what gender you were. But instead we found out you went to Heaven. We arrived at the hospital around 11:30 a.m. on February 13, 2016 to be induced. It was a cold day but it was beautiful and sunny with blue skies. Labor started around 3:30 p.m. and the nurses there were so kind to me. I asked for a half dose of IV pain medication around 5 p.m. and then another half dose at 6:30 p.m. The contractions were getting stronger and more painful but the IV medication took the edge off of them. I ate some yummy cherry popsicles and one of your aunts stopped by to bring Zaxby’s for dinner. I didn’t eat but did enjoy the Coke that your aunt gave me! After she left, I dozed off a little. Around 8:00 p.m. I was pretty sure you were coming and asked the nurses to check me. They insisted I still had a while but I knew from the pain that I didn’t! Then at 8:20 p.m., you were born.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8169.html

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Amanda

Mom to Ivan Joaquin

March 2, 2014 – March 10, 2014

Port Lavaca, Texas

It was a Tuesday morning. I felt sick and I felt exhausted. I couldn’t sleep the night before because I had a weird feeling in my stomach. While I was at work, I asked my mom if she could get me some medicine from the store. I explained my symptoms to her and chalked it off as just getting a cold or the flu. Her first question was, “Well have you started your period?” So….. I thought back, and No!

Actually I was 5 days late! But, I had been known to have irregular periods so I didn’t think too much about it. Plus I take the pill, so there is no way that could be an option. So when I got home on my lunch break, there was a bag from the drugstore with Dayquil, cough drops and a pregnancy test. I thought, “Yeah right, there is no way, but she bought it so I will take it.” [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8163.html

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Jennifer

Mom to Faith Elizabeth

December 27, 2010

Upstate, New York

Five years ago I became pregnant with my second child.  My husband and I were beyond excited to grow our family and to see our 3 year old daughter, Julianna become a big sister.

My pregnancy progressed as normal and I will never forget this date.  August 31, 2010 was the big day!  The day we were scheduled for our 20 week ultrasound and we would find out if our baby was a girl or a boy! This day forever changed the lives of myself, and my husband and daughter.

That day we learned that our unborn baby had a rare and fatal condition called anencephaly.  This happens early in the pregnancy and it’s a condition that causes the bones of the baby’s skull to never fully close, which exposes the brain.  Our baby had a severe case and was missing skull from the eyebrows upwards. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8146.html

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Lindsay

Mom to Baby Cavagnaro

February 23, 2016

Cincinnati, Ohio

I’m writing this very soon after as a way to help me cope.  On Monday, January 18th, I left work early.  I was too tired to remain at my desk anymore and I could not understand it.  I had slept all weekend – about 14 hours per day – and had over 9 hours of sleep Sunday night to Monday morning (after a long nap Sunday afternoon) so I knew something was wrong for me to be this exhausted.  My work has their own clinic onsite so on Tuesday when I still felt exhausted, after another full night’s sleep and a four hour nap the day before, I scheduled an appointment.

I emailed my mother that I was afraid I was anemic.  I had been having a period, albeit a light one, for over two weeks and I thought this blood loss must be causing me to have at least situational anemia.  I went to my appointment on January 21st and the doctor explained it could be anemia or it could be a virus, but since I was a little sore on the right side of my stomach and bleeding we also needed to rule out a tubal pregnancy.  I peed in the cup with the full confidence of a woman who had been on birth control the majority of her adult life, and said birth control had worked. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/02/8132.html

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Mary Kate

Mom to Charlie Valor

October 29, 2015 – December 22, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

“A honeymoon baby!!!” My mom had the best reaction when we told her I was pregnant. It was May 2015, six weeks into the pregnancy. I was glowing and couldn’t hide it.  I remember looking in the mirror saying to myself, “You are a mother.”

I travel for my job, and over the next three months, I had two meetings in Europe and another meeting in Asia scheduled. I saw the OB and had my first ultrasound 2 days before I left for my business trip to Europe. At that 8 week ultrasound, we found that there was a vanishing twin. This saddened me, and it gave me my first taste of fear in my pregnancy.  I could have been Mommy to twins, and it scared me to think about how the surviving baby would be affected. At the eleven week ultrasound, I was reassured that the baby was ok, measuring on target. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/02/8117.html

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Liz

Mom to Lola

April 26, 2014 – April 29, 2014

Santa Cruz, California

“There’s two in there!”

The midwife’s words, spoken at my first trimester ultrasound in October 2013, came as a delightful surprise. Never in the world did I imagine I would give birth to twins! My husband Kenny and I were very excited. We had suffered a miscarriage just a few months earlier, so we took this news as a happy, karmic reward. Twins don’t run in either of our families, but as I soon found out, identical twins (which is what we were having), aren’t tied to genetics at all. They happen randomly–when the egg splits in two after being fertilized–and occur in about 1 in 300 to 400 pregnancies.

Twin pregnancies, and especially identical twin pregnancies in which just one placenta nourishes both babies, are considered high-risk. While I was fearful about having this label attached to me, I felt more at ease as my pregnancy progressed. Everything seemed to be going okay. I was being seen approximately every two weeks, by either my delivering OB, or by the consulting specialists affiliated with Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital—one of the best hospitals in the nation. (Although Lucile Packard is located in Palo Alto, an hour’s drive away from my home in Santa Cruz, they fortunately have a satellite office/diagnostic center here in Santa Cruz, so I didn’t have to drive too far for my appointments.) And, starting at about 30 weeks, I had twice-weekly non-stress tests at the hospital in town where I would be delivering (Dominican Hospital). I was scheduled to be induced at 37 weeks gestation–on May 1st, 2014. I wanted to at least try for a natural birth, even though I knew that many sets of twins are delivered via C-section. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8111.html

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April

Mom to Kristian

December 16, 2015

Rocky Point, New York

I am the face of stillbirth. I am April. I’m 23 years old and a mother of a beautiful daughter Areanna and my sleeping handsome son Kristian, who was too beautiful for earth.

Here is my story: Expecting for the second time was so exciting for my boyfriend and I; when we found out we were going to have a boy we couldn’t have been any happier. My pregnancy was well, no issues but one; my cervix was shortening so I was on bedrest. All my boyfriend would talk about was his son and how he couldn’t wait for his arrival. [There was] so much he wanted to teach him and tell him (since his father was never around) Then December 16, 2015 came the date for my scheduled c-section. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8091.html

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Deb

Mom to Samuel

Born and Died on October 1, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I married the most wonderful man and my best friend in September 2013. We decided we’d start trying to have a baby in January 2015, with the thought it may take awhile to get pregnant. I was so anxious and excited to get pregnant that I would take so many pregnancy tests. When I saw that first positive stick, I couldn’t believe it. Mark and I were supposed to take a vacation in Saint Martin in December 2015 and I remember telling him that I didn’t think we would be able to go. He said “why not”. That was when I showed him the positive test and said “Because I’m pregnant!” That was a happy moment.

I was so blessed not to have morning sickness or anything too severe. Smelling beer, charcoal grilling, and the dishwasher made me feel nauseous but that was nothing compared to some mamas. Mark swore we were having a girl because I craved sushi, couldn’t stand the smell of beer and charcoal grilling. Our plan was to not find out the sex of the baby. We all know that plans don’t really work out the way we intend though.

At 10 weeks, I bled. I bled a lot. I woke up early that morning and went downstairs to feed the cat and get some cereal. While downstairs, I felt something warm dripping down my legs which turned out to be blood. I thought I miscarried. I woke Mark and we laid in bed and prayed. I was so scared. I went in for an ultrasound that morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Our little squirming coil (as my husband liked to call the baby) was wiggling around and with a strong heartbeat. I was told I had Placenta Previa and was put on pelvic rest for 5 weeks. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8101.html

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Taylor

Mom to Bailey Marie

October 14, 2015 – October 15, 2015

Vacaville, California

March 8, 2015, the best day of my life. I found out I was pregnant. I took about 5 pregnancy tests to really make sure I was pregnant and once I realized I was and that there’s no way 5 tests could be wrong, I looked in the mirror and said to myself “you’re going to be a mom,” and I began crying with excitement. It is what I have wanted for so long, a family of my own.

My boyfriend was out golfing so I went to the store and got a onesie and wrapped it along with the pregnancy tests for when he got home. Once he opened the perfectly wrapped package we both just smiled, the most genuine smiles we’ve both ever seen. Our lives were beginning now. The doctor appointments began. Always a strong heartbeat and they always told me it was a big baby. My gut was telling me it was a boy. We had a gender reveal party to find out the sex, IT WAS A GIRL! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8070.html

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Mokgadi

Mom to Ethan Francis

December 3, 2015

Randburg, South Africa

It was a Sunday afternoon when my husband got me out of bed to go for a check-up; I was in bed since Thursday. I thought I was coming down with the flu so I decided to go see our GP. With all the symptoms I had, he suggested a urine test which came back positive for pregnancy. We were 6 weeks and 5 days. It was unexpected but we were very happy and made an appointment with our OBGYN to confirm.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8060.html

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Julie

Mom to Lucas Timothy Dale

July 21, 2014 – February 26, 2015

Phoenix, Arizona

Hi my name is Julie and I am the mother of Lucas who died of USID. I was a single mother for several years with three amazing children, Brittani, Cayltyn and Steven. I was so proud to be their mother and watch them achieve their dreams. Then in 2010 I reunited with my high school sweetheart after 8 years of being single. We were happy. Then, to our surprise, we were pregnant with our son Wyatt who was born on August 3, 2012 and was an amazing blessing to our family. My older children were just in love with him. Then on July 21, 2014, Lucas came along. He was born a fighter. Early in the morning less than 24 hours after his birth, he was taken to the NICU due to low plate count. It was the scariest thing I had ever dealt with. But after a transfusion and 6-day stay in the hospital for him and me, we went home. Everything was great; our family was complete. Lucas was a gentle soul, was happy, slept great, nursed great and was not ill at all during his life.

But then on February 26, 2015, I nursed my son and drove him and his older brother to daycare. That morning I remember him smiling at me and just happy. Then at 11:00 a.m. I got the worst call of my life from the babysitter that Lucas was not breathing. I remember screaming and trying to get to my baby. Then when the nurse told me he was gone, my world died. I sat there trying to understand what was happening to me and how this could happen to me when I had done everything right for my son. When I went to go say good bye, it was like someone killed me along with my son.

After 7 months on this earth, my baby was gone. My life and family changed forever. My family, myself, my husband, my children, and my world will never be the same.

I think to myself daily, what if I stayed home that day, what if I did something different? I also blame myself every day for my son’s death. Grief is not something that is easy and I struggle every day to understand why my son is gone. I will [live] every day honoring my son Lucas Timothy Dale and making sure that he is never forgotten. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8041.html

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