Capture (2)

La’Porchia
Mom to Jyson
June 15, 2018
Rock Hill, South Carolina

Being a mother is a role that you simply have to experience to truly know what it is like. There is nothing anyone can prepare you for or help you relate to. Although the road has been quite bumpy, being a mother is one of my greatest joys. My name is La’Porchia. I am 31 years old and I am a mother of two. My daughter is 11 and my son is 5. We reside in Rock Hill, South Carolina. After I gave birth to my son, I was not jumping at the chance to have more children as he is very active and drives me nuts with his never-ending energy.

So, when my fiancé, June, and I found out we were expecting again, shocked is an understatement of how we felt. We were in the middle of wedding planning and had to push the date back as a result of the pregnancy. Everything was happening so fast around me. I was nearly finished with the first semester of my senior year in college and most days, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. Nevertheless, we were excited about the baby. This pregnancy was very rough for me. I found myself vomiting every other day. No matter the dish, it seemed it made me sick which caused me not to gain much weight.

I had my first high blood pressure reading in 31 years during my 37-week appointment. I think it was in the 160 range. The doctor sent me to labor and delivery at the hospital to monitor my blood pressure. They monitored me for 2 hours. Before I was sent home, I was given a jug with the instructions to place all of my urine over the next 24 hours in the jug. This was to ensure there was no protein in my urine. The results showed my urine had no protein. When I reached my 38-week mark, I was OVER being pregnant but anxious to meet my little one. We had finally decided to name him Jyson Louis Davis.

I had my 38-week appointment and my pre-op appointment on the same day. I had a scheduled c-section for the following Thursday. At this appointment, they checked the baby’s heartbeat and my blood pressure and everything was great! So…how is it that the very next day, I am at the hospital and the nurses are telling me that they can’t find my baby’s heartbeat. At first, I thought it was Jyson being stubborn but I soon learned that something was very wrong. The pain that I thought were contractions were just my body telling me that something was wrong. As my fears turned into tears, all I heard was apologies from the nurse.

At this point, I can hardly control my crying because I am nearly sobbing. I am then told that my blood pressure has skyrocketed and they are rushing me into emergency surgery. I cannot begin to explain the emptiness and sadness that I felt when the doctor confirmed that Jyson did not survive. He was 6 lbs 8 oz and did I mention he was gorgeous? He was. Everything about him was perfect. My placenta ruptured. Supposedly, it was preeclampsia. Just like that, he was gone. The date and time of death was Friday, June 15, 2018 at 10:35 pm.

How could I not know that something was wrong? How could the doctors not detect preeclampsia during the numerous doctor’s visits? How is it fair that God allows so many unfit parents to continue to bear children but He took our son away? How could everything be great yesterday and be snatched away in an instant today? I had so many questions and not enough answers. As I held him, I felt so empty. It seemed I had run out of tears in that moment. I felt sad for my children who were anxious to have a little brother to play with. I felt sad for June because I know he was just as devastated as I was. I felt sad for my family who was so excited about the new addition to our family.

Meanwhile, I am told that I almost died along with my son and I am baffled of how could all of this be happening without any warning signs. Whether I chose to accept it or not, my son was dead and we were forced to pick up the pieces of our lives that weren’t scattered about and live. Even with the love and support of others, I found myself crying some nights when everyone had gone home and there was nothing left to deal with but the pain in my heart. I was so angry!! It seems that since Jyson’s passing, I hear good news concerning babies or see so many baby-related ads and it makes me sad. A very good friend of mine had her baby the day after I was supposed to have Jyson and I saw it on social media. Seeing that cut me so deep because I felt robbed. I texted her and congratulated her while my eyes were filled with tears and my heart was filled with pain. It is so hard seeing someone love on their little one when yours has been taken away.

The one sure thing I hold onto is my strength in God. I remember the first day that I prayed for the strength that only He could give. The nurses had just taken Jyson from the hospital room so the funeral home could come to pick up his body. I remember crying as they rolled him out of the room. It was then that I began to pray while tears were rolling down my face. The pain is still fresh but I believe that God showed himself strong in me that day. He showed me that He was present during my suffering.

In addition to pain, I feel so much guilt. I know there was nothing I could have done but I still feel weighed down. The fear of never having another chance to give birth to a healthy baby often consumes me. Losing a loved one is painful in itself but losing a loved one that you carried is a deep embedded pain that I believe will never go away. Jyson’s death showed me the importance of being thankful in each moment of everyday. As each moment passes, the chance of something great happening is equivalent to the possibility of something bad happening. The cure to balancing out the possibilities is to love. Love endures all things. Love never fails.

You can email La’Porchia at porchiagraham@gmail.com.

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Comments

  1. Porchia,

    I absolutely love you and admire you for the amount of strength that you possess. Continue to pray and God will continue to show you his face and will continue to mend your broken heart. I’m always, always here for you. You sharing your story and being so vulnerable is so inspiring. Your story will definitely help someone else who has experienced this same loss. Again, I love you sis. ❤️

  2. Porchia,
    I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn’t. Your Faith and strength amazes me! I pray for you guys daily. Yes, I was so excited to have another baby to spoil. Since we have not had children yet, I am always up for spoiling and babysitting for everyone else. I just had to realize that God makes no mistakes. Jyson is an angel handpicked by the Lord to watch over you! God is a keeper of His promises and even though you are hurting I know He will give you strength to keep pushing! I love you with everything in me and I am always here if you ever need me!

  3. Porchia, I am so PROUD of your STRENGTH and COURAGE!! I know this was so very hard for you to do, but you did it beautifully. I will never know what it feels like to live with the pain you and June carry every day, but just know that you both have a team with you that will drop everything to come when you need and want us to. Both of you understand what each other is going through so talk to each other, hold, comfort and continue to love and support each other. Dont let ANYONE TELL YOU HOW OR HOW LONG TO GRIEVE!! Because NO ONE has the right to do so! Talk to women that have experienced the same loss as you so you can be a comfort to each other as well. You sharing your story is not only going to help you heal, but others as well. I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH!!!

  4. It took much courage for you to write and publish this. No one will ever know your pain, but as family we will love you through this. I love you and admire your strength.

  5. PG you got me crying at 2:47am. I know all to well about that feeling. That feeling never goes away but it will get better. Keep trusting in God and praying for strength. I admire the strength that you have. You encourage others and still continue to smile in spite of. If you want to talk, I’m here for you. Also, you may want to be a spokesperson for woman that have had Preeclampsia. This has happened to alot of black women. The doctors are not listening to woman explaining their symptons or not paying attention to the signs that show preeclampsia. This high blood pressure situation is serious and it has happened to 3 women that I know of this year including you. Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Love you to life sister. My brother has truly found a jewel. Continued prayers for you both.

  6. La’Porchia, how has it taken me this long to come back to this website and read your story? I think of you and Jyson often as I think of all other women who I’ve been in contact with or who have been in contact with me regarding each individual loss. I cried when I read the details of your story. I’m so, so sorry for the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the shittiness that accompanies this grief.

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