Mom to Samantha Grace
February 25, 2009
Columbia, South Carolina
The news of our baby, the pain, labor being induced, together, this was too much for one person to comprehend. The doctor and nurses urged me to push yet there were so many questions. If my child is gone, what’s the rush? Why are they rushing when my body just isn’t ready?
Those eight hours and the next few days are a bit foggy in my memory, they feel more like a terrible nightmare than anything that I actually went through. I remember trying to push. As the grief overcame me, I was numb, totally void of feeling in that moment. I also remember being rushed into emergency surgery for shoulder dystocia, I was whisked away, torn from his loving grasp as my world slipped peacefully into the sleep of anesthesia.
I spent two or three days in the hospital. They rolled me out of the hospital with empty arms. I held a box on my lap, a box that held our baby girl’s footprints, a hat, and a few other mementos.
Just 13 days later, I was admitted back into the hospital, sick with a severe infection. Unfortunately, my second hospital stay resulted in the need for a total hysterectomy. The total loss of my fertility at the tender age of just 21 years old. I was sick, I nearly lost my life fighting to preserve what I could before we had no other choice but to have the operation.
Not only did I lose my one and only daughter as a stillborn, I lost the opportunity to have other biological children. The grief of these losses combined at times, has been more than I thought I could handle but I’m still here, still moving along this journey we call life…
Natalie can be reached at email@example.com