Mom to triplets Jax, Stella and Beck
May 2, 2015
When we found out we were having multiples, we were immediately placed at high risk. We picked an MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) Doctor and hoped and prayed we would make it to full term with healthy babies. The statistics we against us. They weren’t pretty to look at, so I chose to ignore them.
From what I’ve read, MFMs are typically straight forward, not overly optimistic and are faced with the statistics of loss everyday. In most cases with higher order multiple pregnancies, parents are given the option to selectively reduce… to give us better odds of making it to full term. We declined.
We waited 2 years for this pregnancy and when we found out it was three, we were on cloud 9. With three we knew it would be an exceptionally difficult pregnancy. I was ready. We had the support of wonderful friends and family. We made it past 12 weeks and we were ecstatic. Everything was going well. They were growing, lots of movement and we found out we were having 2 boys, and 1 girl… my ideal family. My dreams were coming true; how could life be so perfect?
At 17 weeks, I felt like something was wrong. My instincts were right I was dilating and membranes exposed. My doctor (OB) sent me straight to the hospital where he met me and placed an emergency cerclage. He was impressed that I followed my instincts and that potentially would save them. My OB was optimistic the cerclage would hold and we were going to carry these babies to 36 weeks. I tried to be excited and sure of this like everyone else, but it was too difficult to ignore the worst case scenario. The MFM and OB often disagreed and it was a constant battle over what was good for me and what was good for the babies.
I followed up 2 weeks later and the look on my MFM’s face said it all. At 18 weeks, 4 days I found out I was funneling and Baby A (Jax) was head down. I’m worried that is when I gave up. I just wanted to hear, “this is normal”, “it’s ok”… instead he told me… “Let’s just be thankful the stitch is still holding.” The next evening, I was checked into the hospital with bleeding, which can be caused from the cervix contracting on the cerclage. It’s common for this to happen, but more around 36+ weeks. My OB stayed calm and moved me to a room where he could monitor me over the weekend (I lived an hour from my hospital). From noon until 2:00 p.m., they monitored contractions, but nothing showed up. We settled in to go to sleep and they were giving me shots to stop the Braxton Hicks contractions and keep labor away. The shots did not work. I never fell asleep and I got more and more uncomfortable. The pain took over my back. I felt like someone was sawing me in half. They gave me more shots and my husband made them call my doctor. They moved me to labor and delivery. I could barely sit in the wheelchair; the pain was unimaginable. When we got to the room, they started me on magnesium. It made me hot and dizzy. It also failed to stop labor. I was throwing up and screaming. My husband begged for pain medicine. Finally, they brought it and administered via IV and epidural. I fell asleep.
On May 2nd at 6:00 a.m., Jax was born, the most excited to see us, I suppose. Jordan held him for over an hour while the doctor tried to save the other two, but I was too unstable. At 8:30 a.m., Stella was born, followed by Beck. During a 4-hour span, I only remembered the emptiness in my gut when they pulled Beck out. Then I was gone again.
My doctor said it’s a tiny blessing I don’t have any memory of the birth. From 5:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m., Jordan stood by as we lost all of our babies, then had to sit and watch as I fought to regain consciousness through unstable vitals and loss of blood. I underwent a blood transfusion, 6 bags of blood and my blood count doubled over the following 24 hours.
We lost 3 babies, our only children, that were prayed for, wanted and loved. Nineteen weeks was not enough time. The heartache is a tidal wave. Some days it is suffocating, some days I can still can’t reach the surface, but we have faith… eventually… that we will feel hope and joy again.
We already have new smiles knowing we have our very own Angels. I’m so proud of what we made and no one will ever take them away from us.
(Update, July 2016)
Four months after my loss, I had a surgery that reinforced my cervix, known as an abdominal cerclage. I was 4 weeks pregnant. Two weeks after I had this placed, I found out it was triplets again. After having a failed vaginal cerclage, there was nothing I didn’t research. I read about the TAC (Transabdominal Cerclage). I was extremely hesitant and devastated. Why didn’t I know about this the first time? I stopped asking why and met with the doctor who placed my TAC 2 weeks later. I had a fairly easy pregnancy; I hurt and hardly slept- but who is this blessed in their life?
My babies were born at 32 weeks because of reverse cord flow and IUGR. They spent 25 days in the NICU and are perfect. A true miracle and gift. I never gave up no matter how scared I was. I put faith first. I had faith there had to be a happy ending for me. He blessed me once and he would bless me again.
There is HOPE always, right around the corner. I want women that have incompetent cervix to know they have options. More than what their doctors are telling them. I was meant to find this surgeon, meant to have the Cerclage placed and then I was given the greatest blessing of carrying my second triplets to “Term”.
Samone blogs at: jesusmeandphotography.