Mom to Damian

September 15 – 18, 2012

Cold Lake, Alberta, Canada

On January 28, 2012, I found I was expecting my first child with my boyfriend. It was finally good news because we were trying for 5 months! We finally were about to have a baby. I had a normal pregnancy and no complications through the whole thing. I was due October 5, 2012.

On September 14th, I went into labor at about 5 p.m. I had a very easy labor. I finally had my son the next day, 2 weeks and 6 days early. [He was born] at 12:02 p.m. and he weighed 5 pounds 9 ounces and he was 18 ¾ inches long. The doctor told me he was healthy and my gosh, he was a beautiful baby. We finally got to bring him home the next day and got him all set up and comfortable in our home.

The night of September 17th, he would not go to sleep. He was very fussy and would only sleep in bed with us. We finally went down for our last sleep between 1 or 2 in the morning and woke up between 5 or 6 a.m. I was wondering why I haven’t heard him crying for food, only to find my boyfriend saying our little boy’s face was cold. We rushed him to the floor and my boyfriend performed CPR while we waited for the ambulance to show up. For a minute, they had us feeling there was a chance of hope. Then they said, “Oh my God” and ran him out of the room and told us to meet them at the hospital. When they walked into the room we were waiting in, I knew that he was not with us anymore. The crazy thing was, I kept telling everyone he was going to be born the 18th, but instead he passed away.

 Since then me and my boyfriend have been keeping each other going and knowing that our little boy wouldn’t want to see us sad and would like us to be happy and still keep on having a family. We may have only had him for a couple days, but he was a part of me and my boyfriend and I will always have him in our hearts. Sometimes I wonder if there was something we could have done and sometimes I hate the feelings where I just want to go scream at parents who don’t understand how lucky they are to have the kids they do have. 

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