Mother to stillborn twins, Zachary and Zoe
August 18, 2014
Cape Town, South Africa
Where do I start? So much emotion, anger, questions of “what ifs,” “whys,” etc. People will never understand the pain, sorrow and heartache that one feels losing both your babies. Not one, but TWO… a double blow!!! August 18, 2014 will be a permanent mark on our calender. This was the day we had to sadly deliver our twin prince and princess with no sign of life. For 4.5 years, we waited and prayed and this is what the end result was??? Why us and most, why me?
The heartache is unbearable. Even though it was a choice of either them or me, I spent just over a week in the hospital before doctors gave us the ultimate choice. They had all 10 ten toes and fingers hair lines were showing; they were just so fully developed. The boy came out at 5:45 a.m. followed by the girl at 8:00 a.m. after just over 8 hours of labour. Who would have thought the choice of birth I always said I didn’t want (normal birth) was the way I said my final goodbyes.
Laying there waiting for them to be stillborn was the longest and most heart wrenching experience ever. I would not want anyone to experience this pain and suffering. I still have so many unanswered questions as to what went wrong. Even though the past 6 months [at time of writing] was an uphill battle just keeping them in, they were always perfect, healthy and growing beyond the doctor’s expectations of twin babies. Who would have thought that the daily request I asked of them while in my womb (to stay strong and healthy until they meant to com)e would be my ultimate issue? With a BP of 159, Pulse of 138 and Fever of 47C, how could they have remained strong and healthy? But hubby, even in his own pain and sorrow of our loss reminds me daily that it’s not our call, but God’s.
Abigail blogs at: emptywomb1209.blogspot.com
You can email Abigail at: email@example.com