Mom to Raven, aka “Baby Bird”
April 1, 2014
My story is short, but certainly not very sweet. On March 9th of 2014,my boyfriend and I found out that we were pregnant with our first child. As the days went by, our happiness grew and grew. We were so excited to see our baby. On March 11, 2014, we went to the health department to get it confirmed. Sure enough, we were pregnant. As soon as I found out, my emotions went crazy. I was scared, nervous, excited, and worried; worried about how I was going to tell everybody. Soon the fears went away, and I got up the strength to tell everyone; all except for my boyfriend’s family. To this day they still do not know.
Well that was it. What were we going to do? The only thing to do was to start planning. I started researching, planning and I started taking the necessary prenatals. I started looking for an obstetrician. I asked my friends and family who they thought would be the best match for me. In the end, I ended up picking a doctor and scheduled my first appointment for March 31st.
The week of March 31st, I had been experiencing cramping and spotting. Of course, as a first-time mother I was nervous and I was scared. I ended up having my mother take me to the ER to be examined. At the ER, they told me that I had a UTI and I was then put on medication to treat it. A few days later, I had to return to the ER. My spotting had gotten worse and my worst fears were about to come true. At the ER, they performed a transvaginal ultrasound. In this ultrasound, I was told that they did not see any blood around the gestational sac which I was told would be there if a miscarriage was in process. With that being said, they diagnosed it as a threatened miscarriage.
March 31st, the same morning of my ER visit I had my first OB visit. During this visit, I had [another] transvaginal ultrasound and again no blood was found. I was then told that next week on April 8th, I should see baby and a heartbeat. Sadly, this turned out not to be true. On April 1, 2014 at 11:11 a.m., I suffered my first miscarriage. This is the worst thing that I have ever dealt with in my life. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t know how to feel.
All I had been told was that next week I would see my precious baby. It is difficult to think that you will see your precious child and then knowing that you will never be able to see your precious baby. It has only been a few days now. It’s now April 3, 2014 [at time of writing]. I did the only thing that I knew to do, I searched for help from a therapist. My therapist, Jesse, worked me in the following day. To my surprise, Jesse told me that I was doing well for someone who had just lost their child. She said I had taken the necessary steps to move forward in my grieving process and that I was doing great for myself. Her only advice to me was to keep moving forward in what I have been doing.
My advice to everyone who reads this, if you suffer a loss whether it be miscarriage, infant loss, or stillbirth. Keep moving forward. I know what you’re thinking, easier said than done, right? I am 20 years old and I have lost my first child. In this experience, I realize I have to keep moving forward, I have to keep my head up and my hopes high. I will make it through this and one day I will hold a precious baby that I can call mine.
You can email Brittany at: houseright.brittany.13@gmail.