kidds 1677Valerie

Mother to two Angels, Hope & Faith

Hope: February 21, 2014 – February 22, 2014
Faith: February 21, 2014 – February 23, 2014

San Antonio, Texas

When  found out I was pregnant, I was 10 weeks that same day. I was full of surprise that I was expecting twins. My husband and I were so shocked because we already had two kids and the only thing we did was look at each other while the doctor was doing an ultrasound. She told us she had to step out to get a different doctor. When she got back, she was not alone. She had 4 more doctors coming in to check my ultrasound.

There was no words coming out of the doctors’ mouths which got me even more scared. When they were done, they told me that it looked like my babies were conjoined, that they didn’t separate like they were supposed to. It felt like someone stabbed me in the chest. The only thing I did was cry. When we got home, my mother-in-law was waiting for us. When we gave her the news, she was so happy and then she told us that God makes no mistakes and that the doctors could be wrong.

A week later, I went to my doctor visit just to get more bad news. The doctor told me that my pregnancy was high risk and that I could have a miscarriage at any time. Weeks passed by and I was due for another visit. I was always hoping for the best, unfortunately the news was getting worse. My doctor was insisting on me having an abortion and that my babies were not going to make it. As weeks passed, the doctor told me that the one of the baby’s had only one leg and that she had Spina Bifida and that she had liquid on her brain and that the other baby’s skull hadn’t formed so she didn’t have a brain. When I got to 35 weeks, I had my appointment on February 20, 2014. I was told that my due date had been changed from April 1st to march 3rd because they had programmed my c-section early.

On February 21, 2014, I when into labor at 2:00 p.m. Since my husband was at work, I decided to wait for him to get home. When he got home, it was 6:00 pm. Since my contractions were more and more frequent, we went down to the the delivery room. When they were checking my contractions, the nurses called the doctors because my contractions were only a minute apart. They told me it was time, so before they prepared me for the c-section, I told them that my babies were not going to the NICU, that they were going to be with me until God decided otherwise. I was so nervous and didn’t know what to expect. When the doctor told me that my pastor was outside and wanted to come in and pray for me and the babies, I knew I was going to be okay and that God was with me.

When my husband and I heard a cry, we knew we had just welcomed our two little angels. I kissed them before they were taken to my recovery room with my husband. When I was taken to the room, all I saw were tears running down my mom’s face. I looked at everyone in the room and it was all tears. They knew that Hope and Faith were not going to make it. When I had the chance to finally see them, they were the most beautiful babies I had ever seen. They were born joined sharing only one genital and some organs and baby Hope was born with no skull formation on the top of her head. The doctors told me that it was a mater of time for them to pass.

When I was feeling better, I was taken to my room and finally alone with the babies and my husband. All I wanted to do was rest, but it was hard with the doctors coming in and out to check us. It was 5:00 a.m. when I told my husband to give me the babies so I could feed them. When he got up to give me the babies, he told me that Hope had something coming out of her mouth. I called the nurse and she told me that Hope had passed.

All my husband and I did was cry. We knew that it would happen, but we didn’t know how much it would hurt. I asked the nurses to cover her because I didn’t want anyone to see my little angel like that. Hours had passed when one of the nurses asked if I wanted to hold Faith since she was still alive. I told her yes, so I decided to do skin-to-skin with Faith. At that moment, something in me told me that it was going to be much harder to let her go. As the day went on, family and friends went to see them but were only able to see Faith ;I didn’t let them uncover Hope as I expected their reactions would not be good. Later that night, I asked the nurse if she could give them a bath in the room while I was walking out in the hall. A dear friend from church, sister Martha, stayed in the room to make sure everything was ok. She was the only person besides the nurses that was able to to see them from head-to-toe.

When they were done, they called me and my husband in so that we could see how they had dressed Faith. She was wearing a little Hello Kitty onesie. When I was in the room, I decided to pump since it was time for Faith to drink her formula. By that time, the nurse put a thin little tube in her mouth because she was getting tired of drinking the milk on her own and it was taking to much of her energy. That night we got some picture of her and some video. That night I talked to my mom and she insisted on us asking the doctors to separate them. After her telling me that, she got my hopes up. That was the last thing I wanted to do. After talking to the doctors, they crushed my dreams, telling me that it was a matter of time for my little girl to earn her angel wings. The next morning, my dear friend Evelyn stopped by so she could stay with me until my husband got back from church. When I got in the shower, I kept hearing Faith cry. When I got out, Evelyn kept telling me that it looked as if Faith was in pain.

We called the nurse and she told me that it was a matter of minutes or hours, that her heart was beating slower and slower. I kept calling my husband until he answered my call. I told him what the nurse had told me and he rushed to the hospital. When he got there, the only thing we did was cry. We couldn’t believe we were seeing our little girls life slip out of our hands. Family started to get there to meet Faith and to say their goodbyes.

It was such a hard moment; it felt like an eternity. We asked if we could stay alone with our little angels because it was getting really hard to see Faith struggling for breath. When everyone got out, we prayed with her and told her how much we lovde her and her sister and that it was ok to let go; that her sister was waiting for her in heaven. Instead of me singing lullabies to them, it wold be Jesus. She looked at her dad and I with does beautiful eyes, then closed them slowly. I knew she had earned her angel wings at that moment. I didn’t cry because I knew that my beautiful little angels were together and were not going to suffer anymore.

I hope my story gets out there and lets mothers know that they are not alone. Even though my little angels’ conditions were really rare, we all go through the same pain. I’m here if anyone wants to talk. With Hope, comes Faith.

You can email Valerie at:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Show Your Support


© 2011 Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope | PO Box 26131 | Minneapolis, MN 55426 | Contact Us