Hillary

Hillary

Mom to Liam Scott

April 9, 2007-May 17, 2007

Greeley, Colorado

After being a single mom for three years to my son, Jayden, I found myself pregnant with baby number two!  I was so excited and so happy to have another bundle of joy on the way. My first pregnancy was extremely stressful due to being on bed-rest. First for placenta previa and then for preterm labor, so my doctors were automatically on guard my second pregnancy. Things were smooth sailing until I hit 20 weeks, when I began to leak a small amount of amniotic fluid. I was put on bed-rest and put on Brethine to stop labor since contractions had started right around the time my water began to leak.
 

My body held out until 36 weeks, 1 day, when my water officially broke.  I was just so happy to have made it past 32 weeks, where I was during my pregnancy when my oldest was born. 

Liam Scott came into the world about a month early on Monday, April 9, 2007 (due May 6, 2007), but he weighed a whopping 7lbs 11.5oz and measured 20 inches long!  Liam had a clean bill of health and was able to come home from the hospital with me on April 11th.

Jayden, Liam and I fell into a wonderful routine.  Liam was the happiest, and easiest baby I had ever seen.  Everybody would comment on how soulful he was, like he “knew something.”  He was very quiet, and would just squeak when he was wet or hungry.

We had 5 weeks and 3 days with my beautiful son, before I awoke on Thursday, May 17, 2007, to find my gorgeous boy lifeless.

My heart still breaks even going back to that day, that week, that time. When I think of it, I feel that sense of panic…confusion…and desperation for my baby to be OK.  That’s a day I’ll never forget, even though I wish I could.

I know I’ll never be the same…and I’m still trying hard to find this “new normal” and I’ve been trying to find it for over 6 years now [at the time of submission].  It’s one of those things I think I’ll always try to obtain, but never really reach…knowing things will never be as they feel they should be in my heart is a very hard thing to admit.  

I miss and love Liam more and more every single day.

Hillary can be contacted at: hillaryfedoroff@gmail.com
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