Photo 5(1)Bonnie

Mom to Delilah

February 13 2013 – February 14, 2013

Livermore, California

My name is Bonnie. I am 30 years old, married to my loving husband since 2010 and this year (2013) [at time of submission] I was supposed to become a mommy. Her name was Delilah Sage and she was born full tern at 40 weeks and 4 days. She was a beautiful little girl, 6 pounds and 6 ounces and she was perfect. She had my nose and big eyes like her daddy. Her upper lip was like hers dad’s while her lower lip was like mine. She had my long toes. I carried her for nine months and every single one of those days I fell in love with her more.

February 13, 2013 was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I went into labor and my daughter was supposed to be born. I had been looking forward to meeting her for nine months, enjoying her constant company, her little jabs and kicks. She made life better, everything tasted better and I was mellowed out. I wasn’t angry all the time, I was happy.

 

Sadly, that day didn’t go as planned. I went into labor early in the morning. It hurt like hell, but at the end of the pain, my baby girl would be waiting. When we got to the hospital, they said her heartbeat was sporadic; that worried me but the pain was so great that I had a hard time concentrating. When my water broke, I was rushed to receive an emergency c-section and they could no longer find her heartbeat. Delilah was born but she was not breathing. They managed to resuscitate her but she was severely anemic from Feto-Maternal Transfusion. Somehow, the placenta had reversed flow and put her blood back into me.

 

She was transferred to the Oakland branch of the hospital. I only saw her for a few minutes from the time she was born to the time she was transferred. When I finally got transferred to Oakland to be with her, I was by myself and no one would take me to her. It was five hours until I was able to go to her with my husband and that was 3:00 in the morning. My baby girl was given multiple blood transfusions, but she was not responding and her organs were starting to fail from the time she was deprived of oxygen.

 

The morning after she was born the doctor told us to be prepared. He was setting up a room for us as she was starting to slip away. I held her and she felt so right in my arms. I used to be afraid of holding babies, but holding her felt so natural.  She was my baby and I loved her. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye. When I was holding her, she managed to open her eyes and look up at me with her big, beautiful, dark eyes. They were only open for a little bit but I will never forget the way I felt looking into my daughter’s eyes.

 

I kissed her on her forehead and told her I loved her, told her it was okay and that I would always love her. She passed away shortly after.  I love you Delilah, you are the best thing that I was ever a part of.

You can email her at: bonnie.laubian@gmail.com

 

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