Yesenia FOL

Yesenia

November 17, 2012

Stone Park, IL

On September 25, 2012 my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant. We were both happy and anxious. A day before Halloween I had my first ultrasound. I couldn’t believe it- seeing my baby on the screen and thinking, “that’s my little one”. I was 10 weeks. I asked the doctor if we were going to hear the heartbeat and he said no. We went home and showed our family.  I couldn’t explain the happiness I felt inside. I [was] only 20 years old, but I was ready to give up everything for my baby.

Days passed and I started feeling normal. I didn’t feel nauseous or anything. I even told my boyfriend that I was having such a good pregnancy because I didn’t feel pregnant. Since the beginning I wouldn’t throw up or be nauseous.

On November 16, 2012 I started spotting. My friends told me it was normal as long as it wasn’t blood. I was worried but I kept telling myself that my little one was okay. At 10pm I started bleeding. I was crying because I was scared but I kept telling myself that my baby was okay. They checked my pelvis and said I had signs of a miscarriage. I felt like my heart dropped. The doctor told me the last ultrasound showed signs of miscarriage, but nobody had told me anything.

They did another ultrasound. When I looked at the screen, I couldn’t see any form to my baby. I knew something was wrong. My baby look so blurry, I couldn’t tell my baby’s head from it’s body. I came back to the room and waited for the results.

An hour passed and the doctor came in and told me my baby had no heartbeat. I felt like my whole world crashed down. I didn’t want to believe it, all I wanted was for my baby to be okay. They gave me pills so my baby would come out. The next morning at 11:30am I took it. At 4:30pm I went to shower and felt weird, seconds later my baby came out. I looked down and started crying a lot, I had to have my boyfriend come and unlock the door. I kept looking down, I couldn’t see any form at all. That was the hardest thing ever, having to see my little one like that.

I just don’t understand why they didn’t tell me in my first ultrasound my baby didn’t have a heart beat. I basically had my baby inside for over 3 weeks when it had already died. I thank God that I didn’t hear my baby’s heartbeat or feel it move or else it would have been harder. I’ll always remember my little angel. I’m getting emotially better. I still cry every other day but I know I have my baby in Heaven.

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