mary

Mary

Mom to Roger Roy II – Born and Died on August 30, 2012

Mom to Guy David – Born and Died on August 31, 2012

Culver, Indiana

My name is Mary.  My husband and I have been married since June 2009.  We live in a small town in Indiana in the middle of nowhere on a lake.  We decided we wanted to try to start a family in June 2010, so I went off birth control and figured it would ‘just happen’.  No one in my family or his had ever had any problems getting pregnant.  After a little over a year of trying, we decided to start the testing to see if there was anything wrong.  My husband checked out just fine.  I, on the other hand, had too much scar tissue (from abdominal surgeries due to Crohns Disease).  Our only option to have a family was to do IVF.  We were set up with a wonderful reproductive endocrinologist in Indianapolis, IN (we live in a very small town).  We began the cycle in April/May 2012 and it was picture perfect.  We implanted 2 beautiful embryos (as the embryologist called them), and found out on May 24 that we were pregnant.  My HSG numbers were pretty high, so the docs and us were pretty confident that both embryos had implanted and I became sick instantly!  On June 9th, we had our ultrasound to see and hear 2 beautiful beating heartbeats after 2 years of trying to start our family.  We were both ecstatic!  Besides being sick, the pregnancy was going very well. At every ultrasound the boys were doing great and growing at the rate they were supposed do despite how sick I was.

On July 27, 2012 I was noticing some tightening (not painful at all) in my belly and it would get really hard.  I just figured the boys were re-positioning and that was the reason, but with our struggle to have children, I promptly called the doc and they had me come in and everything was perfect.  I was so relieved.  I would have these tightening episodes probably twice a day and the docs told me that it was just simply my uterus and everything around it growing and shifting around.  On August 28th, I decided to call my doc again b/c these “tightening” episodes were becoming more frequent, but still not in the least bit painful.  They had me come in and did an ultrasound and everything was okay.  I was so relieved.  They told me that if I had more than 4 of these ‘episodes’ in an hour to call the office or head to labor and delivery.  On August 30th (2 days later & I was 18 wks), the pain woke me up at 2am, so I started counting and I got to 4 in an hour.  I woke my husband up and told him we needed to go to the hospital that something wasn’t right.

We got to the hospital about 3:30am (since we live in the middle of nowhere) and hooked me up to all the monitors and the boys were doing fine, but I was going into labor.  They gave me a shot of tributiline(sp?) and it slowed the contractions down for about 30 minutes.  The doc ordered an ultrasound to check on the boys and to measure my cervix.  They could not get a measurement on my cervix b/c our 1st little boy’s bag of water was already hour glassing through my cervix.  There was nothing the docs could do to save him and it was a miracle if we would be able to save our other little boy.  I was immediately admitted and my perinatologist came in to talk to my husband and I and just told us how sorry he was that this was happening and unfortunately there was nothing that we could do except deliver the 1st baby and “wait and see”.

My labor began to get very intense around 9am, so got an epidural, which at least helped with the physical pain.  On August 30, 2012 my 1st angel, Roger Roy II (named after my husband’s dad who passed away in a boating accident at our house on August 5, 2012) was born sleeping at 12:50pm.  He looked perfect, just way too tiny.  After he was born they didn’t even have me deliver his placenta b/c we were all hoping for a miracle to have our other little boy to remain in-utero.  My labor completely stopped, so they turned off my epidural and then around 11pm everything started again and we knew this was it.  On August 31, 2012 my 2nd angel, Guy David (named after mine and my husband’s deceased grandfathers) was born sleeping at 2:52am.

It has been 12 weeks [at the time of writing this] and it is still a struggle.  I wonder how could we go through so much trouble getting pregnant and then have our boys taken away from us in a matter of 14 hours.  Some days are better than others, and everyday it does get easier.  Thursdays are a very tough day for me b/c that was my ‘weekly milestone’ of how many weeks pregnant I should be as well as it the day that we lost our beautiful boys.  The docs said it’s possible that we could get pregnant on our own, so we are going to try w/ Femara (an oral fertility med that is cheap) for a few months and if nothing happens then hopefully we will be able to do a fresh IVF cycle March/April time frame.  We are 100% out of pocket, so we need to save up.  When I do get pregnant again, they will put a stitch (cerclage) in my cervix between weeks 10-13 and I will be on complete bed rest until 36 weeks when the stitch is removed.  I obviously have done a TON of research and the data is very encouraging, so hopefully we will fall within the 90-95% success rate of the cerclage and bed rest working to have our take home baby or babies.  We buried them together and I visit their gravesite at least once a week to let them know how much Mommy and Daddy love them.  When people ask us if I have kids we say that we have had twin boys, unfortunately they didn’t survive and they are now angels. They will always know that they were our first born and will always be a very special part of our family.

Updated in January 2015 to add:

We went through 2 more IVF cycles & 3 frozen cycles and our last shot we got pregnant with twin boys. It was a lot of mixed emotions because of what happened last time. I was admitted to the hospital on 8/11/14 (I was 24 weeks) because my cervix was already starting to shorten to a dangerous length even with the cerclage. I was on hospital bed rest for 8 weeks until our beautiful boys were born on 10/5/14 at 32 wks. They were in the NICU for 5 weeks and have been home now 10 weeks and are doing great. We still miss Roger & Guy deeply but I know they were our guardian angels through this pregnancy. I talk to Tyler & Cameron (our new twins) about their big brothers all the time. 

You can contact Mary at: Mecat11@msn.com

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