Brittany

Mom to Kylee Victoria

Born still October 21, 2013

San Antonio, TX

10-21-2013. That day is forever changed in my mind.  It’s the day I had to say hello and goodbye at the same time.  My husband and I went in to the hospital because I didn’t feel our sweet baby move for the past two days.  In my mind I knew something was terribly wrong because our little girl was normally very active and moved all the time.  I even remember telling my husband Matt just prepare yourself for the worst because it’s not going to be good.  We were on our way to the hospital and we couldn’t get in there quick enough.  My feeling said it wasn’t going to be good but I still had hope she would just be born a little early as about 33 weeks.  We got to the hospital and nurse after nurse tried to search for her heartbeat.  When I heard the words “I found it” I was relieved until I asked her what it was and she said 123.  I said that can’t be her that’s so low and she said well it can’t be you that would be awfully high.

Well turns out it was me because I was so upset.  My hope was then gone!  At this time they told us to call someone to come get our 1.5 year old daughter because they knew it wasn’t good.  My parents came up and they then did a ultrasound to check on her.  I remember I didn’t even look at the screen I just scream out “Mom”? wanting her to give me some type of reassurance.  She couldn’t give it because our little baby was there on the screen perfect as can be without that flickering heartbeat.

They induced labor and it lasted about 13 hours.  It wasn’t making any progress so I had to have a c-section.  I still was praying for a miracle that our sweet Kylee would come out screaming but instead it was silence and tears.  The Dr. then came up and told me it’s nothing anyone did that her cord kinked an inch away from her belly button.  I remember telling my husband to take a picture of her and show it to me then I’ll look at her because I was in such shock and didn’t know how to react.  I looked at the picture and she was beautiful she looked just like her big sister.

I feel in love instantly.  I have the same love for her as I do our other daughter Chloe.  We held on to Kylee for about 11 hours and I still feel like that wasn’t enough.  No time will ever be enough.  Then I remembered for 8 months I held her every second of her life and  I’m so blessed that God chose me to be Kylee’s mommy.  I wish she would be hear with us physically but I know she is still always with us wherever we go.  This is going to be a very long road but with God’s help we will get though this.  What keeps us going is our baby girls and knowing that we will see our sweet Kylee Victoria when we go home too.  As the pastor said at her service she took the express way home.  We love you baby girl and think of you every second of the day!!!

You may contact Brittany at brittanyannm88@yahoo.com

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Comments

  1. Angela says:

    Hello Brittany,

    I just wanted to say I too lost my daugher born sleep on 12-26-2013. My world has been turned upside down and my husband and I are taking it day by day. Our lives have changed sooo much and this process of grieving hasn’t been the easiest for us. My whole pregancy I had no problems or morning sickness and all of my prenatal visits were good. My due date was on the 20th and if I didn’t go into labor by Dec 27th I was going to be induced. This is my first month back to work and this has been sooo challenging and I thought I wasn’t going to go back but God gave me the strength and this is my fourth week. I now see how important it is for father’s to have support during this grief process because it hasn’t been easy for my husband. The pain and hurt that he feels hurts me becasue he feels invisible and overlooked. We did attend a support group but we haven’t met anyone who knows how we feel and can relate. I pray your family strength and all the best to you.

  2. Leslie says:

    Hi Brittany, thank you for having the courage and strength to write about your story. We also lost our daughter at 33 weeks due to a cord kink on January 28, 2014. I still can’t believe this happen to us. It all still feels like a bad dream sometimes. But the days seem to be getting a little better. I just take it day by day. It’s amazing to me how one day I can feel ok! I can do this, I can get through this and keep pushing forward and look to the future and some days it’s like you get punched in the stomach all over again with those four little words… “I’m so sorry but…” Blogs and stories like yours are so helpful in the healing process, I guess it’s that feeling of not feeling so alone, which I’m sure we have all felt at some point and still do sometimes. Thank you again for sharing your story and I pray for you and your family and wish you all the best for your future.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my twin boys at 22.5 weeks in January. We held them for hours before they passed away. Please know that you are not alone. Many prayers for you and your family.

  4. Rhonda Simpson says:

    Ur story sounds exactly likr mines except i had twins and dey passed. At 29weeks gestation…twin girls..i just lost dem may 3rd 2014

  5. Brittany says:

    I to lost my daughter at 19 weeks 6 days on January 13th, 2014. The doctors said it was a cord accident. I went in for my 20 week scan I was really happy to find out what me and my fiance were having. The room was silent, I didn’t hear a heartbeat, the screen was still. I just knew something was wrong, I started crying. I asked the young girl doing the sonogram if the baby was okay, she replied “I’m not authorized to discuss that with you, I have to go speak with my supervisor” at that very moment I felt so empty. The two women came back and told me to go to my doctors office on a different floor, we got up and left to go speak with him. I knew this couldn’t be good. On the way to his office we ran into a preacher, he saw me crying uncontrollably and I told him that they couldn’t find the heartbeat for our baby. He stood there with us, and prayed for us. I thought that was very nice of him. We got to the doctors office and he wouldn’t see me. This was on a friday. He told me to wait until Monday. Within a few seconds I became furious, I told him I wanted to know if my baby was alive or not that’s torture to make someone wait the whole weekend not knowing what was going on. He still denied me any information. So me and my fiance left and went to a different hospital, I lied and told them I haven’t felt the baby move and I needed to see if things were okay. They got me back to a waiting room. They tried 4 different ultrasounds, they confirmed what I didn’t want to believe that my baby was in fact silent. Afterwards I told them the truth about how poorly my doctor treated me. They understood. I feel bad for lying but I wouldn’t stop at nothing to make sure my baby’s well being is okay. We went home a cried the whole two long days before Monday arrived. I was still mad at my doctor but I didn’t bring it up again. They told me I would be going up to Labor & Delivery to have the baby right away. January 13th 2014 at 1:35 pm, we named her Olivia Rose she was perfect in every way, she weighed 8.8oz and was 9.5 inches long. They classified her as a misscarriage I say she was stillborn. I got to spend 30 mins with her. I held her and took pictures, I knew I would regret it if I didn’t. The women were very nice to me on the labor and delivery floor. I have her hat and blanket that I held her with in a box with her hand and footprints. The hospital staff also gave me a condolences card signed by everyone there that night. It is so hard. Ill never get to see her again, give her a kiss, put her to bed. Nothing. Im still very lost and alone I have no one to talk to. It never gets easy I think about her every single waking minute. I feel mad inside I never got a straight answer about why this happened, the delivery nurse said the cord was tightly wrapped 3 times around her neck, I pray to god she didn’t suffer.

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