Alesha

Mom to Baby Staley- Morgan

Born still August 23, 2012

Buckhorn, Kentucky

I was 19 weeks pregnant and had found out I was carrying an unhealthy baby and the baby would more than likely lose its fetal heartbeat within the next few weeks or month. I had gone in for a routine ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby, but instead found out that the baby had a massive cyst and was gathering fluid around its heart. I was in complete shock, which was supposed to be a day of joy not sadness. I was lying on the bed during the ultrasound while my doctor was telling me all the horrible news. In complete shock, I instantly started praying and asking God to remove the cyst and make my baby healthy. My OB doctor said the baby more than likely had Turners Syndrome, a disease more common in girls. We had trouble finding out the sex because we couldn’t see much of the baby because of all the cysts. I was very thankful I had a few family members there with me during this time. They were all very excited as well as me about getting to find out the sex of the baby.

After I left the clinic, the news finally sank in and all I did was cry. I was scheduled a visit with a high risk OB/GYN doctor for the following week, hoping for better news, but the news was still the same. After 2 routine ultrasounds with my regular doctor to check for a fetal heartbeat once a week, we went back and they wasn’t one. On August 23, 2012, my first child had lost its heartbeat at 21 weeks 5 days.

The past two weeks had been such a nightmare. I was at the point I was just ready to get this over with and have my life back to normal. I had just started my bachelor program in social work. I had tried to prepare myself since the day I found out for the moment I heard “there is no heartbeat”, but it was harder than I thought it would be. My OB doctor then told what was going to happen next. I did not have many options; I was too far along in my pregnancy for just a normal D&C.

I arrived at the hospital the next morning bright and early with my bags packed, just like I would if I having a healthy baby. I was admitted in the labor and delivery unit at 6:00 that morning, away from all the other mothers giving birth. My close family was there with me. My labor was induced starting at 7:30 that morning. I had the baby later that day at 2:00. My nurses were more than wonderful. I was scared to death I was going to be treated awfully just because my baby was not coming out alive. The baby weighed a pound and nine ounces. The death of the baby was caused by Turner’s Syndrome. It was heartbreaking not to get to hear a baby start screaming and crying as soon as you have it.

I have to say, though, after having the baby I was relived. My life was slowly starting to get back to normal. I was asked by my nurses if I wanted to see or hold the baby and I chose not to. Some of my family decided they wanted to, which was fine with me. I have since then looked at pictures that my nurses took for me. It was very emotional looking at the pictures of such a little baby laying there.

I stayed overnight in the hospital so the nurses could keep check on me. The next day, when I was released from the hospital, it finally hit me again; I was not bringing a baby home with me. I cried most of the way home. The room at my house I had cleaned out for the baby hasn’t been touched since I lost the baby. I still am coping with the crisis but I am emotionally getting over the situation a little bit every day. My “would have been” due date is approaching in December and it’s going to be very hard for during that month. I pray every night for God to bless with me a healthy baby one day in the near future. I think God has given a second chance for me and my boyfriend, to get married and start our lives together before we bring another life in this world.  When I do get to bring a baby home from the hospital, I will be so thankful for that child. I will never cry over becoming pregnant again; children are truly a gift from above. I have made a vow with myself to not complain one time when I am pregnant again because God can take it away from you in a matter of time.

I could not have gotten through this situation without God, my boyfriend, my family and friends. They were beyond wonderful to me during this hard time and to this day they still are. They understand what I am going through.

You can contact Alesha at alesha.staley@gmail.com.

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Comments

  1. E.Peters says:

    My due date was November 20th with Twins. My miscarriage was 7/18/12 at 22 weeks and a day. It gets a little better after landmark dates but the pain is always there. I pray that God holds you close because I know it hurts. His plans are for good. Take care darling!

  2. Lindsey says:

    Alesha, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can relate as I lost my daughter May 2012 to Turners Syndrome at 21 weeks. I hope you are doing alright. Let me know if you’d like to talk. I’d be happy to share some support.

  3. Mandy says:

    Your story is very touching, thank you for being so brave in sharing it. I never comment on websites, but I felt compelled to comment on your story. I got the feeling from your story that you might feel as though your baby was taken because you got pregnant before marriage…. or because you complained during pregnancy… or maybe because you didn’t deserve a baby. But none of those things are true!! I know exactly how you feel. I had an abortion 7 years ago. 5 years ago I got married and shortly after became pregnant. I lost the baby at 13 weeks. I lost another baby at 7 weeks. Then again at almost 8 weeks. By the third time I figured God was punishing me for having an abortion. I had my chance to have a baby and I decided to end that, so now I didn’t deserve a baby…. But after counseling at my church, reading the Bible, and doing a lot of soul searching, I realized that God doesn’t punish us. He LOVES us no matter what. That love is not conditional, it does not go away or lessen when we make mistakes! Yes, God wants us to be married first before having children, but that is because His plan for us works better when we follow it. But He loves us even when we stray. And if you complained at all while pregnant, you didn’t do anything that every single other pregnant woman does!! I understand the guilt in that, I hated every moment of pregnancy and when they ended in miscarriage I feared my misery caused me to lose my babies. But thats not so… God wouldn’t do that. Those thoughts come from the enemy, he wants you to stray from God. I eventually went on to have 2 healthy babies and realize that what happened to me was just a part of life, no matter how sad it was. You will have a chance to have another baby. And if it doesn’t work, God will have wonderful plans for you regardless. God bless you!

  4. Patricia says:

    I am so sorry for your loss hun :( my story is very much alike, I found out at 16 weeks and lost my little girl at 20 weeks, she had a Cystic Hygroma on the back of her neck as well as hydrops. Her little heart had a lot of fluid around it too. I went into labor naturally while she was still alive, they said her heart was already in failure so they were not going to stop the labor. She was born on February 13th 2013 at 8:14am. We held her for the next 13 hours and it was such a hard time for us. We healing well emotionally thanks to our faith in God. I added a link to my blog about my little girl if you want to check it out. <3

  5. Anisah says:

    I just recently lost my baby too. I went in for some bleeding at 21 weeks and thought everything was fine because she was still extremely active.. well to find out that my cervix was opened and there was nothing they could do because I wasn’t far enough along.. I had her 2 days later. She lived for 3hrs after she was born. Most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. Its still hard every day but I thank God for giving me the time I got to spend with her! Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan. <3

  6. Rachel Richardson says:

    Alesha, I too had a baby die. In my case, Sarah was born at 38 weeks. I got to hold her. She died at three days old. Give yourself permission to grieve and realize that your baby will always be apart of who you are.

  7. Senna says:

    I know nothing describes what you have been going though. English is not my first language I hope I can explain myself. I lost my beautiful baby girl when I was pregnant 29th week.I knew she had some problems with her kidney and stomach at 20 weeks. We tried too hard with 2 hospitals. Unfortunately did not work. When I read your article I have seen myself. I felt every single word.Giving birth a baby who did not cry. It hurts nothing can be ever .Her funeral date I did not know the word means”the late” ask my husband my baby’s name was under that tittle.First time I have been funeral in UK and it was my baby girl.There is no word in any language can describe that moments. And first period when exactly I understood I am not pregnant anymore. That was the crazy time I cried long hours. Straight after I was pregnant again. I have my healthy second baby girl with me now.You know I do not like when somebody ask me “is she your first one”. No she is not. I have my beautiful angel with me. All I need to say life never be same again for us. She is always missing one. I am sure you will have healthy babies and your little one will open the heaven’s door for you. Just waiting for mommy and daddy before going.If you like to speak please get in touch.

  8. Lauren says:

    I will pray that God watches over you and your future family. In HIs name, Amen.

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