Mom to Baby Staley- Morgan
Born still August 23, 2012
I was 19 weeks pregnant and had found out I was carrying an unhealthy baby and the baby would more than likely lose its fetal heartbeat within the next few weeks or month. I had gone in for a routine ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby, but instead found out that the baby had a massive cyst and was gathering fluid around its heart. I was in complete shock, which was supposed to be a day of joy not sadness. I was lying on the bed during the ultrasound while my doctor was telling me all the horrible news. In complete shock, I instantly started praying and asking God to remove the cyst and make my baby healthy. My OB doctor said the baby more than likely had Turners Syndrome, a disease more common in girls. We had trouble finding out the sex because we couldn’t see much of the baby because of all the cysts. I was very thankful I had a few family members there with me during this time. They were all very excited as well as me about getting to find out the sex of the baby.
After I left the clinic, the news finally sank in and all I did was cry. I was scheduled a visit with a high risk OB/GYN doctor for the following week, hoping for better news, but the news was still the same. After 2 routine ultrasounds with my regular doctor to check for a fetal heartbeat once a week, we went back and they wasn’t one. On August 23, 2012, my first child had lost its heartbeat at 21 weeks 5 days.
The past two weeks had been such a nightmare. I was at the point I was just ready to get this over with and have my life back to normal. I had just started my bachelor program in social work. I had tried to prepare myself since the day I found out for the moment I heard “there is no heartbeat”, but it was harder than I thought it would be. My OB doctor then told what was going to happen next. I did not have many options; I was too far along in my pregnancy for just a normal D&C.
I arrived at the hospital the next morning bright and early with my bags packed, just like I would if I having a healthy baby. I was admitted in the labor and delivery unit at 6:00 that morning, away from all the other mothers giving birth. My close family was there with me. My labor was induced starting at 7:30 that morning. I had the baby later that day at 2:00. My nurses were more than wonderful. I was scared to death I was going to be treated awfully just because my baby was not coming out alive. The baby weighed a pound and nine ounces. The death of the baby was caused by Turner’s Syndrome. It was heartbreaking not to get to hear a baby start screaming and crying as soon as you have it.
I have to say, though, after having the baby I was relived. My life was slowly starting to get back to normal. I was asked by my nurses if I wanted to see or hold the baby and I chose not to. Some of my family decided they wanted to, which was fine with me. I have since then looked at pictures that my nurses took for me. It was very emotional looking at the pictures of such a little baby laying there.
I stayed overnight in the hospital so the nurses could keep check on me. The next day, when I was released from the hospital, it finally hit me again; I was not bringing a baby home with me. I cried most of the way home. The room at my house I had cleaned out for the baby hasn’t been touched since I lost the baby. I still am coping with the crisis but I am emotionally getting over the situation a little bit every day. My “would have been” due date is approaching in December and it’s going to be very hard for during that month. I pray every night for God to bless with me a healthy baby one day in the near future. I think God has given a second chance for me and my boyfriend, to get married and start our lives together before we bring another life in this world. When I do get to bring a baby home from the hospital, I will be so thankful for that child. I will never cry over becoming pregnant again; children are truly a gift from above. I have made a vow with myself to not complain one time when I am pregnant again because God can take it away from you in a matter of time.
I could not have gotten through this situation without God, my boyfriend, my family and friends. They were beyond wonderful to me during this hard time and to this day they still are. They understand what I am going through.
You can contact Alesha at email@example.com.