Leah

Mom to Grace

Lost October 19, 2012

Columbia, South Carolina

My mom named me Leah, which means weary. The past few weeks have really made me feel like I am living up to the meaning of my name. I have two healthy, wonderful boys who are ages 4 and 2. My husband and I decided that we wanted to have a third child; I was praying that God would finally give me a little girl.

After being off of birth control for only one month, I got a positive test and was so happy. I had my first OB appointment at 8 weeks and had an ultrasound done. I fell in love with my little bean, whose heart beat was a strong 175. I had terrible morning sickness just like I did with my first two kiddos, but I took comfort in knowing that the morning sickness meant the pregnancy was strong.

At 11 weeks, I was feeling more tired than usual and just off. I really didn’t have any symptoms to tell the doctor, I just felt like something was wrong, so she agreed to see me. She could not get a heartbeat with the Doppler, which is normal for me when I am early because I have a tilted uterus. She sent me to the ultrasound room. I have seen enough ultrasounds that I knew right away there wasn’t a heartbeat. The tech turned on the color to see the blood flow, and there wasn’t any blood flow to the baby. She said it looked like my little angel had stopped growing at 9 weeks.

I think I am still in shock. I never imagined that would happen after having two normal, healthy pregnancies. The name I had picked out for my little baby was Grace. My little Grace went to Heaven and I never got to hold her. I have two ultrasound pictures, one from 8 weeks and one that the tech printed for me the day I found out I lost her (Oct 19, 2012). I have those pictures in my Precious Moments bible that I have had since I was a little girl. I know I am incredibly blessed to have my two boys, and I hope to try again at a chance for another little girl, but I will have to think of another name, because I already have a Grace.

You can contact Leah at leah_allen@ymail.com.

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Comments

  1. Christine says:

    Hugs to you and your family. : (

  2. Candice says:

    I too, have lost. The baby was only 8 weeks. Is it supposed to hurt less if you were not as far along, is it wrong for me to hurt this much.

  3. Leah, I was very touched by your story of Grace. I am so very sorry for your loss and I wish your heart healing. Patricia

  4. Ashley says:

    Leah,

    Your story reminds me so much of mine. I never thought a miscarriage would happen to me. Although it is heartbreaking and you think you’ll never feel right again…I promise that little by little it does get a little easier. But you’ll never forget your daughter. Hold onto that special place that you have in your heart for her. Best of luck to you and your family. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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