Mom to Agustin
Born and died September 30, 2012
Born sleeping September 30, 2012
Knowing I was pregnant was the scariest and happiest day of my life. It was even scarier telling my mother; she already knew, but was scared to ask me. One day she handed me a pregnancy test and told me to take it. I was so scared, but after taking the test, which you could hardly read what the results were, I told her I was already 3 months. She was happy because she was not yet a grandmother.. I was frightened I’d be a mother at 18.
A few days later at my first prenatal check-up I heard my baby’s heartbeat, I was so excited that I almost cried. I sent the video to my baby’s father and he was speechless. It was the most beautiful thing I could have ever heard. My due date was set for February 2, 2013, which was great because my boyfriend’s birthday was the 27th and his sister’s and dad’s were on the 25th. My in-laws were out of this world happy, already getting ideas for my baby shower and picking out clothes.
The day of my first ultrasound(September 5th) had came around so quickly. I was so excited to find out if I was on team blue or pink. That day, my mother in-law and boyfriend accompanied me to the ultrasound. As the ultrasound tech squirted the blue slimy gel on my belly I closed my eyes for a brief second. Still with my eyes closed, I opened them quickly, because she was asking me if I ever had an ultrasound before. I quickly responded, “No, why?” With her big eyes opened wide, she said, “There’s two in there!” My eyes grew as wide as hers.“OMG.” I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw to little babies squirming on the TV screen. I was beyond happy, I almost cried. My boyfriend and his mother were busy telling the world we were having twins. Now the question was, what gender were they? The tech asked, “Would you like to know gender?” I immediately shouted out, “YES!” Not even a few seconds later she said Baby A was a boy, and after checking him and all his body parts, she said he was nice and healthy. Finally, she got to Baby B, and she said he was also a boy. OMG! I was so happy and my in-laws were beyond happy, because they only had one grandson and two more they could spoil…who wouldn’t be happy? On September 7th, I had another prenatal check-up and everything was perfect. My due date was changed to February 9, 2012.
A few weeks passed and I felt something different. My babies weren’t moving as much as they did. I told my mom and my boyfriend. My mom said maybe they grown a little bit and didn’t have much room as before. My mind was at ease after that, so I didn’t bother calling the doctor. At my next prenatal appointment, which was September 21, 2012 I was extremely happy because my boyfriend was going with me that day. The doctor gave me an ultrasound and after a few minutes I knew something was wrong by the expression on his face. He told me one baby (Baby B) wasn’t moving and didn’t have a heartbeat. Oh, my God. My heart stopped, and I couldn’t help my tears. He said he might be wrong, because he wasn’t a tech and he ordered me to get an ultrasound with Manatee Diagnostics. So here I go, getting an emergency ultrasound, my eyes full of tears…ugh. I knew my baby had passed the week I didn’t feel much movement. In my mind, I said to myself, “You should have called!” I felt so guilty; maybe I could have prevented his passing.
We finally got to Manatee Diagnostics and there I had another ultrasound and the doctor didn’t really tell me clearly that he passed. My boyfriend and sister in-law were with me when I was getting the ultrasound. I could see tears running down my boyfriend’s face. I was trying my best to hold my tears in. After that we had to wait in the waiting room. My sister in-law asked what had happened, and he said, “Well, the baby passed away, obviously.” My face changed. I felt so angry; he didn’t have to say it so rudely. I started to weep like no tomorrow. The tech said to report to the hospital, which was right next door.
So here we go to the hospital nobody likes because so many people pass here. I call my mom and I cry so hard. She couldn’t believe it. I get into the gown they give me and take some blood. I’m in the room with my sister in-law Yesenia, my boyfriend, my mother in-law and my other sister-in-law, Kasandra. Kasandra and Yesenia are weeping as much as I am. We ask the nurse when the doctor is going come and they say in a few minutes. I call my mom to see if she’s on her way. A little after my second call she arrives. I look at her and I immediately hug her and I cry my heart out, and she is trying her best not to cry. We wait and wait. The doctor is nowhere to be found. So we decide to go to Sarasota Hospital, because I didn’t even know why I was at the hospital and what was going to happen to me. At Sarasota, they were so kind and they told me all we could do is wait. A week later, on a Wednesday, I had some liquid coming out of me; it felt almost like I had peed. I didn’t think anything bad, but I told my mom. On Thursday the 27th of September I had an ultrasound with Hill & Barren. There they told me everything was going to be fine, because the baby that had passed was the baby that formed second. I told them about the liquid and they said to call my doctor’s. The next day I went to Tampa General Hospital where I was checked by three doctors. None of them told me anything except the last one; she said she wasn’t sure my water had broken, but that I was one centimeter dilated. I was sent home and told if I had any fever or contraction to head to the hospital.
September 29th was a normal day for me. I was at my boyfriend’s house enjoying myself and eating like no tomorrow. Throughout the day my back was hurting and I would get a pain in my stomach. It hurt so bad, but I’ve had pain like this before so I didn’t pay attention to it. They started to hurt more and more. I still felt my baby kick (the one who was still alive), and it make me think everything was going to be ok. In the back of my mind I knew exactly what was going to happen…I had a dream a week before that my babies came early and passed away. I got home that day around 11 p.m. and I told my mom my back was hurting. She gave me a look, giving away something wasn’t right. All that night I felt like I had to use the restroom. I couldn’t sleep and the pains were getting worse. My mom finally got up and asked if I was okay, I responded and said no. She called my in-laws and they were at my house so fast it even made me laugh. I got ready and we left. I went with my in-laws and my boyfriend while my mom went in her car. As I sat next to the love of my life, my heart was breaking with every pain I felt. I squeezed his hand with every contraction, and I could see the sadness in his eyes because he knew what was coming, too.
When we arrived at the hospital I was admitted immediately. The contraction were so intense, I couldn’t even walk. They checked baby A and he was fine, moving so much the nurse couldn’t find his heartbeat. I ended up throwing up because I was in labor. When the doctor came in he checked me and said I was 5 cm dilated. He gave me a look that just broke my heart, with sympathy he said, “I’m sorry, but Baby A isn’t going to survive, because he’s simply to small and not fully developed at 21 weeks.” I nodded with tears in my eyes. I called my boyfriend, who was in the waiting room, and told him what the doctor had told me. I walked to the delivery room and the contractions were so severe I almost fell to the ground. I stayed strong and made it to the room. Once there, the nurse put me on IV and asked if I wanted the epidural. I said no. After being asked a few questions by the nurse, the doctor came in and checked how much I was dilated. I was already 10 cm and it came the time to push. A few minutes later at 7:59 a.m. on Sunday, September 30th, my little Agustin was born. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. He was so tiny and fragile. I got to hold him. I kissed his forehead and he made a sound that made me feel so happy. I gave him to my boyfriend and it was beautiful to see my boys. But there was one more to come. My little angel was yet to come into this world. Aristeo was born sleeping a few minutes later on Sunday, September 30th 2012. My little boy was lifeless, but mommy loved him no matter what. As I got to hold the two of them in my arms, I asked myself why they had to leave so early. They were in a better place with god and other family members.
We named them after my mom’s father (Agustin) and my mother-in-law’s father (Arsiteo), who had passed when she was little. I was blessed to become a mother even if it was for awhile. The joy of feeling their movements was amazing. Forever in my heart. R.I.P Agustin & Aristeo, Mommy & Daddy love you.
You can contact Jennifer at Latina12295@gmail.com.