Candace

Mom to Scarlett
Born and died September 19, 2012

and

Aiden
Born and died September 20, 2012

Fontana, California

I felt like we had been awaiting these babies for over two years; with all the planning and hurdles we had to get through, this was finally going to be the big reward.  We were finally going to have these babies in our arms, only three or four more months to go. Then everything changed and we were in the battle to save our babies lives. We never thought this was the one battle we would lose.

My husband and I met in January 2007 and were married June 2009. After a year of being married, we thought I would stop taking birth control and we would shortly get pregnant. It just didn’t happen that way. After many test and doctor visits, we found that my husband had an obstruction in his vas deferens from a childhood surgery. The only way we would be able to have a baby would be through IVF with ICSI after my husband went through a sperm retrieval surgery. 

This put a hurdle in our plans, but we were still very positive about having a baby.  We had planned on moving and getting settled in our new home before moving forward with getting pregnant.

In April 2012, we decided it was time and before you know it, I was officially pregnant in May; even though we had to have the help of modern medicine, I got pregnant on our first round of IVF. We were so excited.  We soon found out we were having twins. With every appointment things were more and more reassuring that we were going to have our little babies soon.  I was having some occasional tightening in my stomach, but knew that I was growing quickly and it was normal as long as they went away if I rested, and they did.  Everything was looking good at our 19 week appointment with the perinatologist; everything was wonderful. We found out we were having a girl and boy, how perfect?  Scarlett and Aiden.

On September 9th, I was 20.4 weeks pregnant, and I woke up with some lower back pain and thought I had a kidney infection. I was also having a lot of tightening in my stomach, and being a labor and delivery nurse, I knew that an infection could cause preterm labor.  I told my husband I’d better go to the hospital so we could see what was going on.  After a few hours in the hospital, they found no infection and were able to calm down my what they called an irritable uterus. It looked like I was going to stay for a few days to make sure everything was all right.  Later that night, the contractions came back and the perinatologist came into see me and did a vaginal ultrasound. My cervix was closed, but very thin. We were told I would deliver early, but they didn’t know how long my cervix would remain closed if the contractions didn’t stop.  I was given a cocktail of medication to stop the contractions and spent the next 10 days in the hospital bed on my side. I knew that as uncomfortable as I was, I could stay like this for the next 3 months, but it was now up to my body.  My husband and I felt sure that this was going to work and we would take home our babies.

On the evening of September 19th (at 22 weeks exactly), for some unknown reason my contractions came back strong and hard, and I knew this was it. I told my husband I felt like they were going to be born, that this was the day. I fought it the whole time, but I knew she was coming and there was nothing we could do.  I pushed out little Scarlett, weighing 15 oz. She was so beautiful. My husband and I were able to hold her and talk to her for just under an, hour before she passed away.  Three hours later Aiden came weighing the same as his sister.  We were amazed at how much he looked like my husband. We were able to hold him for about 30 minutes before he passed.  They both stayed in our room with us. We were able to all lay together in bed and memories – special memories – were made even, if they were just a few.  We were there when our beautiful babies took their first breaths and we were there when they took their last.

We buried them together in a cemetery garden near our home.  They will always be our first babies. They made us parents and we are so thankful we got have them for a little while.

You can contact Candace at candyvalenz@aol.com.

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Comments

  1. E.Peters says:

    I too had twins at 22 weeks and a day. I pray for your strength and understanding. I really wishe they were here because this is their birth month but God knows best.

  2. kelsey pike says:

    Your story hit me where it hurts as my daughter passed this year on September 19th due to SIDS :( Breaks my heart other mommies have to feel the pain of child loss. My heart goes out to you dear

  3. Opal says:

    Hi Candace,

    I too lost my twins B/G on Sept 21, 2012 @ 22wks/2 days. They were my first born and will always be myabies. Like you, I fouhgt hard to keep them but my body betrayed me. Moving forward I plan on getting a TAC (Transabdominal Cerclage). I can’t take the chance of having another baby fall from my cervix. I have also joined a support group called abbyloopers. Wishing you and myself plenty more rainbow babies.

  4. samantha says:

    Im soo sorry for your loss. I lost my twins on March 29th and 30th, 2012 @ 18 weeks due to dr negligence and incompetent cervix. My first born daughter is named Scarlette too, and my other daughter is Lorelei. I hope this holiday season is gentle on you. Fly high sweet angels!

  5. Marsha says:

    I lost my daughter 1 week 5 days ago at 22 weeks. She lived for an hour and also stayed in my room with us overnight. We don’t have any answers why yet but they think either IC or an infection caused PROM though which another infection caused me to go into labour.I had no idea this could happen until it happened to us..I almost wish I was that naive again. I am sorry for loss and hope that you were able to fulfil your dreams of having healthy children.

  6. jenny says:

    I feel your pain i lost twinboys @ 21 weeks

  7. Anisah says:

    I just recently lost my baby too. I went in for some bleeding at 21 weeks and thought everything was fine because she was still extremely active.. well to find out that my cervix was opened and there was nothing they could do because I wasn’t far enough along.. I had her 2 days later. She lived for 3hrs after she was born. Most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. Its still hard every day but I thank God for giving me the time I got to spend with her! Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan. <3

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