Mom to Makayla Lynn
August 17, 2012 – August 21, 2012
It all started when I was visiting family in Oklahoma. My husband and I were trying for another baby after our miscarriage in Nov. 2011. I was feeling off and just feeling pregnant, so I went to the store and got a test. On March 26th, 2012 I got those 2 beautiful pink lines! It was midnight when I tested and because my husband works all over for an oil company, I texted him the picture saying, “We did it!!” I was so nervous yet so happy! So excited! As soon as the 12 week mark passed I thought I was in the clear. I didn’t know how wrong I was.
Aug. 9th I found out I was having a girl!! I cried when I saw her moving around, causing the ultrasound tech. to have a hard time getting measurements. Seeing her perfect beating heart I thought everything was perfect! Then on Aug. 17th I headed up to the hospital after cramping and having lots of lower back pain the night before and all though the night. Her heart rate was in the 50′s. They told me they needed to deliver her right now. I was at the hospital by myself, freaking out. I had nurses, doctors, and the anesthesiologist all in my little PSU room. It was so crowded in there. I kept crying, telling them I couldn’t lose another baby. Then right before they moved me to the OR, I had someone call my mom to get up there. The anesthesiologist is the one who made the call. I will never forget her words. She said, “This is the anesthesiologist from Via Christi. I’m here with your daughter, Jessica. Something is wrong with the baby and we are taking her to surgery.” I didn’t even hear her say bye, but she told me my mom was on her way up. It was too late, though. They were prepping me on the way to the OR. By the time my mom got there, I was already in surgery. My mom called my husband, who was 3 hours away at work. By the time he got to me, I was being let go from the recovery unit.
They let me go and see her before taking me to my room. As soon as I saw her I knew she wasn’t going to make it. How could someone that small survive? I had given birth at 24 weeks 5 days. The nurses gave me some hope. They said she came out screaming and was breathing on her own. But they also said that she is very little. That lasted 2 days. Then she started to get sick. She had a level 3 brain bleed which lead to a stroke and seizures. I was so heartbroken, so very scared. They now had to be her breathing. She went into cardiac arrest a few times. Aug. 20th we had her baptized. It was really important that she was baptized. The Father who came and baptized her just looked at her and he knew. My sister has her baptism on video and you can just see the look on his face. My husband had went down to the gift shop and got her an angel that says the “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep prayer and a rosary. We had the Father bless the angel and rosary, and then the nurse sealed it in a bag and we placed it in her incubator right above her head. My husband said, “Now she has an angel watching over her.” About 24 hours later she had another brain bleed, a level 4 brain bleed, and her kidneys had shut down. So, on Aug. 21st, my husband and I made the hardest decision we would ever have to make. Do we take her off life support or keep her going? We knew it was time to let her go. The NICU let us call people first. We had family and friends meet us up there. The priest said her last rights. Then they handed her to me, where she passed away in my arms at 9:40 am. We all walked down to my room where everyone got to hold her and say goodbye. They let us stay with her as long as we wanted. At 3 that afternoon, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came and did pictures. She treated her like she was still alive, like she was a person. Around 5 pm we finally went home. I didn’t want to leave. I felt if I held onto her she was still here, she wasn’t gone. Leaving the hospital without my baby, knowing that I would not return to see my baby in the NICU, was the hardest thing I had ever done.
You can view Jessica’s video tribute to Makayla on YouTube at http://youtu.be/7yZDMc-kiv0.
You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.