Stacey

Mom to Dylan Jeffery

September 24, 2008 – September 26, 2008

Florida

On Mother’s Day of 2008, Travis and I found out I was pregnant. We were so happy, but yet I was so scared…my pregnancy came in the middle of my fiancé and me planning our wedding. I had a very hard pregnancy and I really wanted a little girl. Everyone told me I was going to have a little boy and I just refused to believe it. From the beginning, I was high risk and I couldn’t even find a doctor that was willing to take me, without insurance. See, when I was 14 I was diagnosed a vascular disorder; my blood was not pumping to my heart correctly. A surgery was performed and the doctors took my main vein out. That led me to being automatically high risk. I ended up having to go to the health department for a checkup in the beginning of June.

June is where it all began! The hardest 10 months of my life was beginning. My baby decided that I needed to be sick ALL the time. Morning sickness didn’t exist! Mine was morning, noon and night sickness. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep; it was awful. First doctor’s visit I was fine. Second doctor’s visit, it was awful! I lost 20 pounds in one week and they acted like I was purposely doing it, but I wasn’t. Then the subject of my leg came up. Doctors thought it was best for me to be put on a blood thinner called Lovenox. Lovenox was put in a needle and I to give myself shots everyday in the stomach. I didn’t feel this was right and I fought my doctors on it. They told me if I didn’t, then I wasn’t going to make it and that I wouldn’t want my child to be without a mother. I just refused to take it and then it came to where every time I went to the doctors, I would constantly get yelled at for not taking it. I felt I knew my body better than anyone else, but I finally gave in! Months went by and I just still didn’t feel right. I worked 40 hours a week, I was always tired and sick and I would still fight to not take my Lovenox.

September 19th, 2008, an exciting day; my fiancé Travis and I moved into our first home together! The baby’s room was done…it was just a very exciting time, plus I found out I was having a little boy! Dylan Jeffery Walker would be his name, meaning a strong warrior! The first boy ever in my family. I was devastated and as I look back now I think I was selfish for not being happy with what god gave me.

September 21st, 2008 I had a doctor’s appt. I kept telling my doctor it seemed like my son was really low and he was hurting me really bad, but it just seemed like the doctor didn’t care. So I went on my usual way. For the next two days, my fiancé kept asking me if I was ready to take my Lovenox and I just told him I wasn’t going to take it anymore.  Little did I know that within the next two days, my life was going to change.

September 24th, 2008, 6:30 am I woke up to get ready for work. I woke up Travis and asked if he could rub my back because I was having some very sharp pains. It seemed like every time Travis touched me the pain would stop.  I continued to get ready for work and I had Travis drop me off because I still didn’t feel so well. I was working at The Home Depot at the time as a cashier and I was having severe back pains that brought me to tears.  I decided to go to the hospital, so I called Travis to come pick me up.

Meanwhile, I went to the hospital to find that I had a bursting bag, and baby Dylan was going to be coming 3 months early. See, me not taking my Lovenox for 2 days saved my life. My cervix was too small to deliver vaginally, so I had to have a c-section. They said if I was on my blood thinners that there was a 90 percent chance I was not going to make it, and that Dylan had 50 percent chance to live. At 2:16 pm on September 24th, 2008, I delivered Dylan Walker, weighing in at 1 pound 9 ounces. Dylan was shipped too Wolfson Baptist Center in Jacksonville, Fl. I had to stay in Daytona until I was ready to be discharged.  It was a very traumatizing experience being away from my only child for so long. I would call all the time to check on him. Dylan had hard time breathing on his own, but he began to stabilize in the morning of September 25th. On the evening of the 25th, we received a call that Dylan lost 90 percent of his blood, known as a pulmonary bleed out, and that he wasn’t going to make it through the night. I told them to do whatever they had to do to help him survive. On September 26th, I was being discharged and I received a call that Dylan made it through, and they asked us if we wanted him baptized. We said yes. Dylan made it through that baptism and they called us to tell us that he did well. While Travis was on the phone with the nurse explaining Dylan’s baptism, we had a beep through the other line. Dylan’s male nurse called to tell us Dylan passed away.

The hardest day of my life was that day. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my son and it still seems like it was yesterday. I hope one day that I can feel ok again, that I don’t feel as if something is missing. At times, I blame myself; why couldn’t I be a mom? What did I do? I look at my mom and feel so bad that I couldn’t give her grandchildren; the only thing she has ever wanted was a little boy and I had him and he was taken away…one day I feel like I will be ok, but I hope one day soon, to not feel so lost.

You can contact Stacey at prncssblondie20@aol.com.

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