Suzanne

Mom to Marshall and Jackson

Born still July 7, 2012

Strasburg, Virginia

My husband, Dave and I are in our late twenties. We found out we were pregnant in for the first time last year in May 2011, and at 8 weeks along, I miscarried our baby. We gave it time and started trying again. We found out we were pregnant again this past April. So excited, I went to an early ultrasound and found out I was carrying twins! I was so scared of the idea at first, but as time went on I started to get really happy and excited about the two of them.

At 16 weeks, my husband and I went to a regular ultrasound, and the doctor told us that one of the babies had an artery missing from the umbilical cord and was a few weeks behind in growth.  The doc went thru all the possible complications and chromosomal abnormalities that could happen due to this Single Umbilical Artery situation. She did tell us that there was hope, and the other baby looked just fine. She wanted us back in 3 weeks to check the growth again. I went home and cried all that day and felt so terrified that first week. The second week, I felt at peace and prayed constantly that we would have our healthy babies. As time drew closer to the next appointment, I started to get more anxious though.

When we got to the doctor’s office that day, and they weighed me and I saw that I had not gained a single pound, I started to cry…fearing something was wrong with the babies. Then the tech started the ultrasound, and everything was so quiet…the tech left and the doctor was running late, so Dave and I sat in the little room for an hour with no information other than seeing  that the baby with umbilical problems had not grown much.  When the doc finally came in, she told me that BOTH babies were gone. No heartbeats…and that due to their sizes, they had most likely been gone for a week or so. (I hadn’t started to feel them moving yet anyways, so I had no idea). Twenty weeks along…and they were gone.

I decided to deliver vaginally the next day, on July 7th. They induced my labor, and 12 hours later my babies were born still. They were boys, just like Dave and I were wanting so badly. We named them Marshall and Jackson.

I stayed in the hospital overnight and the next morning I was able to go home. At the time I felt numb…but thinking back now, I felt robbed. All that…for what? A couple of little “memory” boxes with pictures and footprints I still haven’t been able to look at??

I was and still am upset, but my faith in God gave me a peace that surpassed all understanding. I know that my boys are in a far better place, and will never know a sorrow or ache. While they were here, all they knew was love. And one day we will all be together in heaven. I was meant to carry two little angels and that’s all right now. 

I miss them terribly and I know I will have good days and bad days. I just have to hang on to my faith.

You can contact Suzanne at thornesr@yahoo.com.

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Comments

  1. Jana says:

    Dear Suzanne,
    My heart aches for you and the loss of your sweet baby boys. Sending you loads of love and prayer as you continue on your journey toward peace and healing. I am so sorry.
    Love, Jana

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