Erin

Mom to twins:

Baby B, lost April 2012 at 10 weeks,

and

 Jaxon Gray,
Born still on June 28, 2012 at 20 weeks

Dayton, Ohio

On March 27th, a week after our son turned 5, we found out we were expecting. We were so happy! We had been trying for 2 years. Our son had been asking for a sibling for awhile, so we were so happy that we could finally give him one! At 7 weeks we had an ultrasound to check for a healthy baby and get an exact due date since we had no idea when we conceived. Well, were we really surprised when we saw 2 little peanuts and 2 little fluttering hearts! Never did we ever expect to naturally get pregnant with twins! And identical twins at that! Baby B was a little smaller but looked good and had a strong heartbeat. I had never been so tired in my life; these little babies were taking everything from me! By 10 weeks I had lost almost 15 pounds!

At 10 weeks 2 days, 3 days after my doctor’s appointment, where everything looked perfect, I started to bleed heavily. I was scared! We had already announced to everyone we knew that we were expecting and that we were expecting twins. My husband rushed me to the emergency room where they immediately did an ultrasound. Baby A was perfectly fine, kicking up a storm, but Baby B was gone! It was like he just disappeared. The doctor came in and told us that it was most likely a case of TTTS. Baby A was getting all the nutrients and Baby B wasn’t getting much, which is why he was smaller. He also said that he could see where Baby B had been reabsorbed into my uterus, something called vanishing twin syndrome. We were devastated, but at the same time we were so grateful that we still had a very healthy little baby growing and moving like crazy.

Everything was going just as it should in the pregnancy after that. We were so excited to find out the sex of our little fighter that we had an elective scan done at 16 weeks. We found out that we were expecting a BOY! And we had already picked out a name, Jaxon Grey! Then at 17 weeks I got a call from my doctor with the results from my quad screening. They were slightly elevated, meaning there was a higher chance for spina bifida or Down’s syndrome. He also told me that I shouldn’t worry. Since the pregnancy started out as twins, it is common for the levels to be high and that with twin pregnancies and pregnancies that start as twins and last as long as mine did, that they normally wouldn’t even test for it. But, just to be safe he scheduled me a lever 2 ultrasound for my anatomy scan at 20 weeks.

On June 27, 2012 at 9 am, my husband, son, and I went for what we thought we would be our last ultrasound to see Jaxon until we met him in November, when he was due. As soon as the ultrasound tech started I knew something was wrong. I had had a quite a few ultrasounds and this wasn’t the same. Jaxon wasn’t moving at all. I searched the screen for any movement. There was none. And I noticed right away there was no flutter where his heart should be. I tried to keep myself calm because I am no professional. A few minutes later the doctor walked in. He talked quietly with the tech about a few things. He then said that there were a few concerns. First was that one of Jaxon’s femurs looked a little short and that he looked like he may have clubbed feet. Second was that there was a lot of fluid in his neck, around his brain, and around his heart and stomach. None of which had been there a few weeks prior. He then asked the tech to look at his heart. He looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, but your baby has no heartbeat,” and walked out of the room. I lost it! There was no way this was happening! There was no way I was losing my second baby!! The tech continued to take measurements for about 5 minutes while I tried to lay as still as possible for her. My husband sat next to me shocked. Finally the doctor came back in as the tech was done and told us we needed to head to the hospital to be induced and that labor and delivery would be expecting us. He was so cold. There was no compassion. Just this is what happened and this is what you need to do.

My husband, son, and I headed straight for the hospital and arrived at about 10 am. Our parents met us there, which is when my father-in-law took my son home. I was in complete shock. My doctor came in to my room and immediately gave me a huge hug. He had a long talk with us about what would happen and that none of this was our fault. There was nothing that we could or couldn’t have done to save Jaxon.

I was in labor for a little over 12 hours. Then at 12:26 am, Jaxon Grey was born still. He was 11.5 ounces and 7 inches long. He was perfect! He looked like a perfect tiny baby. All 10 fingers and toes. He was bald but had perfect blonde eyebrows. He spent a few hours with him before saying goodbye.

At this time, 8 weeks later, we are still waiting to hear the results from the genetic tests. We have no idea why this happened. At this point, I feel like we will never know. But I know that the 20 weeks I got to bond with my son will be something that I will never forget! He was so loved my many. Now he is so missed by many. Jaxon will forever be in my heart. I wish that both my babies could be in my belly growing strong but I hope that one day I will be reunited with them and spend eternity together, like we always should have!

You can contact Erin at ebradenburg320@yahoo.com.

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Comments

  1. Candice Beadle says:

    Hi Erin,

    I have tried to mail you but the email address you have given bounces back. Is it correct?

    Big hugs,
    Candice

  2. Esmeralda says:

    My dear I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of both of your precious babies!!! I send you such great BIG virtual (((hugs))).

  3. Erin says:

    Candice my email is corrected now. Just in case, it is ebrandenburg320@yahoo.com. If that doesn’t work you can find me on Facebook. My name is Erin Brandenburg. Thank you ladies so much!!

  4. Amber Colliver says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My son was supposed to be born June 12th. He was a miscarriage at 8 weeks. I saw you are from Dayton, Oh which is where I live. If you are looking for support I have made a meetup group with just a few girls right now, but you can check us out at meetup.com/momsofmiscarriages.

    Sending you hugs and love!
    Amber

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