Mom to Gabriel
Miscarried February 24, 2012
at 15 weeks 3 days
Mount Sterling, Kentucky
My son was 16 months old when my husband and I found out we were expecting our second child. We were nervous for a bunch of different reasons. We didn’t know how we could afford two children and I felt kind of bad for bringing another child into the world when my son didn’t even know what was going on. I felt like I wasn’t going to have as much time to spend with him. But as the news grew on us we became more and more excited! I couldn’t help but look at baby clothes every time we would go to the store. I was really hoping for a little girl since I already had my son, but as long as it was healthy was all I cared about.
I would spend a few hours in the night looking at baby stuff online. Our family was told at Christmas that we were expecting another child. Everyone couldn’t believe it, but they were very excited for us! Our first ultrasound was at 10 weeks. I still couldn’t believe I was pregnant, but the ultrasound made it seem more real. I was so excited to see and hear the heartbeat as well as see my precious little one moving around. It was such a bittersweet moment!
My next appointment wasn’t scheduled until I was past 15 weeks. So, the anticipation got the best of me! I continued looking at baby clothes and I even went as far as scheduling my baby shower. I was told that my due date was actually the day before my birthday, so it made me even more excited!
On the way to my next appointment I was nervous. My husband had asked me if I had wanted to reschedule the appointment and I insisted on going. The wait in the office seemed like the longest day of my life. When I finally got called back I was getting really excited. I would actually be able to hear the heartbeat through the monitor for the first time and it would be the first time of many times throughout the pregnancy that I would hear the heartbeat. But something didn’t seem right. My doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat. She just thought there was something in front of the baby blocking the heart rate. So then they told me to go into the ultrasound room to check and make sure everything was ok. I began to get really scared and nervous. As the ultrasound was being performed I saw the two doctors (my doctor and the other doctor) looking at each other, whispering, and then I heard “I’m sorry.” That was definitely not what I wanted to hear! My husband came into the room and hugged me and we both cried together.
The next few days were the hardest on me! I still think to myself: what could I have done differently that would have caused it not to happen? The truth is, there wasn’t anything I could have done differently and it wasn’t my fault. Sometimes things just happen for unexplained reasons. I had a missed miscarriage and was never aware that I had lost my baby until I received that horrible news!
You can contact Rachel at firstname.lastname@example.org.