Carly

Mom to Samuel Logan

Born still March 14, 2012

Stevenage, United Kingdom

After suffering with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) since I was 17 years old, I thought I would have a battle on my hands to ever have a baby. My husband and I were quite philosophical about falling pregnant: “it’ll happen when it happens”.  It did happen; completely unexpectedly and without real effort.  My pregnancy was without any major issues. I had slightly more checks than average due to my raised BMI (thanks to the PCOS).  I was sick throughout, but it was manageable.  I had raised levels of amniotic fluid seen on scans at 28 and 36 weeks (but not at 32 weeks strangely). I was told by the Doctor at 36 weeks this wasn’t an issue as he was in the head-down position.  For nine months, I had this constant feeling that it was all too good to be true.  And it was. [Read more...]

Melissa

Mom to twins

Lost June 28, 2012, between 7 and 9 weeks’ gestation

Hickory, North Carolina

I want to start with my good things. Between me and my spouse, we have 7 healthy , happy (for the most part) children, 3 each from previous marriages and 1 together, ranging from age 22 down to 3. He has a set of identical twins that will be 16 this year. We are blessed. Therefore…it was shocking to us while being on the pill to get a positive home test on June 5, 2012. Two more positive tests at home to follow, but I was bleeding and spotting so I went to the doctor. June 6, they did a vaginal exam and drew blood for hCG. I was pregnant. But a follow up hCG on June 8 was next. When I went in, they did another vaginal exam and decided based on info I did not know yet – my hCG was high – to do an ultrasound. [Read more...]

Elly

Mom to Camden Katherine

February 14, 2012 – May 17, 2012

Shenandoah, Virginia

My beautiful daughter, Camden Katherine, was born February 14th, 2012.  She picked the best birthday to have!  I am a lover of everything pink — so it was only natural that my 1st born, and destined to be princess, was born on the pinkest holiday that exists.  My husband and my “Love day” was now shared with so much more love than ever before.  She was our everything.  After 1 miscarriage 2 years earlier, at 12 weeks.  We longed for a child — it was our passion in life, to be parents. [Read more...]

Tiyama

Mom to Azriel Aiden

Born and died April 14, 2012

Sacramento, California

My husband and I always wanted to be parents. We spent hours talking on the phone early in our relationship discussing how many we wanted, discipline, names. We were blessed with 3 beautiful boys, but they weren’t without their unique and stressful/scary entrances. My last 2 were IC (incompetent cervix) issues. When DH and I talked about #4, we were excited, this would be our first planned pregnancy, determined to make this one much smoother and make it to term again, I had done it once with my oldest and just barely with my second. We tried for just over a year, and felt something wasn’t right. We both got checked out, I was just fine but DH not so much, he had secondary infertility. We couldn’t believe it, it would take IVF with ICSI to have another child. DH did not want to do that but felt terrible because I could get pregnant and his refusal meant I wouldn’t. A few nights later, DH brought up a subject we had talked about in passing years ago, sperm donation. We kept talking and decided to look into it to see if it was something we really wanted to explore. We were delighted to not only have found a donor website that we felt safe about but a donor that lived about an hour away. I got in touch with him and we exchanged emails, talked on the phone and felt we were all compatible. Four cycles/donations later, we found out we were pregnant a few days before Christmas 2011. Best gift ever! :) [Read more...]

Katariina

Mom to Evelyn May

Born April 29, 2012 and died June 6, 2012

Las Vegas, Nevada

I am writing this exactly 3 weeks after my precious little girl passed away in my arms.

It all started December 21st, 2011, when we found out we were expecting. I went to the store off of a hunch that I was pregnant (despite being on the birth control pill for over 2 years) and bought 2 pregnancy tests. I knew deep down that one positive test would not convince me. As soon as I got home, I took the one, positive, and then the other, also positive. I was shocked! To unexpectedly have a baby is a scary and exciting feeling wrapped into one anxious, live-changing moment. I called my boyfriend into the bathroom and fell to my knees crying. The fear that he would be upset was in my heart, but to my surprise, he picked me up and held me. I said to him, “What are we going to do…?” He replied with a smile, “We’re going to have a baby, that’s what we’re going to do.” I went telling my whole family about the change in our lives. I even took a third pregnancy test that night to be EXTRA sure. [Read more...]

Bobbie

Mom to Baby #1, lost at 9 weeks on October 23, 2010,

Baby #2, lost at 6 weeks on February 4, 2011,

Baby # 3, lost at 4 weeks on May 16, 2011,

Baby #4, lost at 7 weeks on November 21,  2011, and

 Baby #5, lost at 6 weeks on February 25, 2012

Fort Worth, Texas

If you would have asked me when I was 20 where I would be in 5 years, the answer would have come out loud and clear: having babies.  There was never a doubt in my mind that my purpose in life was to become a mom and when I met my husband, Gabriel, when I was 24, I knew that that purpose was going to be fulfilled.  I loved my life; I was living in Hawaii, working at Tripler Army Medical Center as a Licensed Practical Nurse. I had been in the Army for 6 years, and had found exactly who I was.  Meeting Gabe was like the icing on the cake. Once we started dating, we knew that we wanted to have children, which was on the table even before getting married was. Luckily for us, 8 months later we found out we were pregnant.  I was back in Texas when I found out the news. I called Gabe, who was still in Hawaii, and told him, “You are going to be a daddy!”  We were both so incredibly excited!  We were getting married in just over a month, so it was perfect.  I couldn’t believe what the doctor was telling me, so I went home and took at least 10-15more pregnancy tests; all of them were a clear positive! Life was good. We immediately told everyone, Facebook and all.  I would sit there drawing hearts on my tummy, with a smile on my face.  Each week I would write a quick update on what went on that week and how I was feeling; all the excitement that was building. [Read more...]

Stephanie

Mom to Sophie Abigail

Stillborn on April 11, 2012

Marysville, Washington

Editor’s Note: Stephanie and her husband were thrilled to learn they were expecting their first baby. Their first ultrasound revealed some troubling news. Later testing showed Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and hopeful plans were made for heart surgery to fix Sophie’s heart defect. But on April 2, 2012, with only eight weeks until Sophie’s planned 39-week c-section date, doctors became concerned about the growing pocket of fluid around Sophie’s lungs, and the effect that was having on her little body. Stephanie and her husband were given a poor prognosis and prayed for a miracle, but felt Sophie move for the last time on April 4th. Sophie was born still on April 11th, 2012. And then her mama’s health started to fail

Stephanie blogs at http://www.sophieamoddison.blogspot.com.

You can contact her at smodddison@gmail.com.

Amy

Mom to Caleb Dean

Born April 16, 2012

Indiana

My husband and I started having children almost as soon as we got married.  At our first wedding anniversary, we announced that we were pregnant with our first daughter.  Our family was thrilled, and so were we!  We went on to have four children, two girls and two boys.  When our oldest daughter was 11, our youngest son 4, and I was 35, we decided to have another baby.  Everything had always been textbook normal with my other pregnancies, and we expected nothing less.  We announced to the world that we were pregnant at 4 weeks.  In September 2011 at 9 weeks, I began bleeding and found out that I had miscarried our child.  We were devastated, but having to share the grief with our children was terrible.  Sad and disappointed doesn’t cover it. [Read more...]

Kirsten

Mom to an unnamed baby
Lost at 5 weeks on October 15, 1997 at 5 weeks,

‘Dot’, lost September 4, 2010 at 5 weeks,

and

‘Bert and Ernie’, lost March 2, 2011 at 5 weeks

Auckland, New Zealand

My first pregnancy was an accident. And I didn’t know anything about it until it was all over.  And while I was upset, I wasn’t devastated. I was 19 and in my second year of university, had split up with the father and really didn’t need life to be complicated. It has come back to bite me since. [Read more...]

Sara

Mom to Bella Grace

Born still December 2, 2011

Auckland, New Zealand

We fell pregnant with our first daughter in 2008 and she was born in June 2009. It was a healthy normal pregnancy and she was delivered by c-section. We decided that we weren’t going to try for another baby until we got married. So on 28th Jan 2011 we got married. In March 2012, I fell pregnant with our second daughter, Bella. She was due to arrive on Dec 2nd 2011. I had a very normal and healthy pregnancy and was referred to and OBYN just in case I went overdue and needed to have another c-sect. I was determined to have VBAC (Vaginal Birth after C-section), as she was going to be our last baby. [Read more...]

Mary

Mom to Angel, born and died November 11, 2005,

Enoch James, born and died May 6, 2006,

and

Joshua Logan, born and died April 1, 2007

Tyler, Texas

I will never forget when I first found out I was pregnant. We had thought we were pregnant the month before, even though we were not trying and had not planned on having kids for a while. We ended up being disappointed when we found out that we were not pregnant. After that we decided we would stop birth control and see what would happen. We did not expect to get pregnant so fast, but one month later, on a Sunday morning, I tested and sure enough, I was pregnant. We were so excited we could not wait to share with everyone. We called our parents and even announced it at church. We had so many hopes and dreams. We began thinking of names, of course I know at one month it is early for that, but we could not help ourselves because we were so excited. It was in late October when found out. Early November all the Christmas stuff was out and we were so excited. We bought bears because we wanted to do bears for the baby and were going to do bears for a nursery even. There were so many hope and dreams pinned on this new life coming into this world. Our first baby. I am sure some of you can relate to this. Life was great so it seemed. One day, a month in, I began to spot. I called the doctor, who had me come right in. They did a sonogram and said baby was either not as far along as we thought or we had lost it and it was no longer developing. My heart sank. I was so upset and shocked. It was the day before our one year anniversary. They sent me home and said time will tell. Of course by that night the bleeding got worse, and when I went to the restroom at a school dace that my husband was DJ at, it happened. I passed a large clot of stuff and knew it was our baby. It was all I could do to hold it together to get through the night. On a side note, it was my choice that my husband went ahead and did the dance; he would have canceled, but I chose not for him to. None the less, God gave us this precious little life…how in the world could we have been ready for this little life to be taken away in just one month? [Read more...]

DeAnne

Mom to Joshua, miscarried in 2007,

Bryn, ectopic pregnancy in 2010,

and

Anais, miscarried in 2011

Wellington, New Zealand

I have lost 3 longed for babies, 2 (2007 and 2011) to early miscarriage and one as an ectopic pregnancy (2010) (2 were IVF babies and one was a natural pregnancy) who I have named Joshua, Bryn and Anais in order to help me grieve. [Read more...]

Erin

Mom to River Angel Marshall

Stillborn April 8, 2012

Smith Falls, Ontario, Canada

There is Grief and there is Gratitude.

Life can be so very cruel on occasion. I could list a dozen examples, heck, if I really tried I could probably list a hundred. What would be the point?

My personal tragedy isn’t unique to me, although my experience of it, and how I react to it and how it has changed me is unique.

After months of trying to get pregnant, Jason and I came to terms with the fact that we were unable to conceive without assistance. We contemplated seeking fertility treatments, but in the end we decided that was not the best option for us. We had a few reasons for coming to that decision; mainly there was a financial consideration, and secondarily was the concern about how hormone treatments might affect my already fragile emotional state, given that I suffer from anxiety disorder and depression. [Read more...]

Nisey

Mom to Baby Boy Turner

Born and died October 8, 2011

Austin, Texas

My son is dead. This is something I say to myself at least once every day.  Sometimes I want to scream it at the smiling faces that expect me to smile back.  It’s just too hard to smile because I miss him so much.  Although he came and went so quickly, the imprint he left is amazing. I love him. It’s almost been a year since I lost him and I’m already noticing the cycle restarting. Memorial Day Weekend: he was conceived. Father’s Day: a positive pregnancy test. October 8th, his birth/death day, is right around the corner. [Read more...]

Jill

Mom to Ethan Corbett

Born and died March 14, 2012

Pawtucket, Rhode Island

I found out I was pregnant on November 7th 2011, I woke up with a strange urge to take a pregnancy test even though I wasn’t expecting my period for another two days, when the test came out positive, I was so happy and spent the rest of the day peeking at the test to make sure there were still two lines. My boyfriend and I were beyond happy, we had our beautiful daughter and now we would be expecting a new addition to our happy little family. My due date was July 16th. The pregnancy was great, no problems other than a little morning sickness and some heartburn. The whole entire pregnancy I thanked God for giving me the gift of another baby, my daughter is so loved by us and so many others, I knew this baby would be just the same. When we told everyone we were expecting again, we received so much love and support everyone was so excited to meet our new baby, he was going to be the first boy in the family! We made it past the “3 month” mark and I took a breath of relief, the time you have to “worry about” had passed and everything was great. We were so happy. [Read more...]

Joni

Mom to Elliot Michael

Lost May 30, 2012 at 18 weeks’ gestation

Tarentum, Pennsylvania

On February 15th of this year, I thought my dreams were coming true. My boyfriend and I had been talking about trying to conceive our first child together and in the middle of the hated two week wait I decided to test early. Imagine my surprise when, 9 days post ovulation I have a big fat positive staring me in the face. I called my boyfriend into the bathroom and showed him the test. He rejoiced with me, though in a much calmer, manlier way, and then said to use the digital test I had on hand the next morning just to be sure. I agreed and woke up at 6 in the morning the next day so I could test before he went to work. Seeing the word “Pregnant” on the stick I was holding made it all the more real. I rushed out of the bathroom, shoving the test under my boyfriend’s nose, my mind racing with images of cribs and strollers, freshly painted nurseries and my daughter and stepson holding their brand new sibling. I couldn’t even fathom something going wrong. [Read more...]

Kelly

Mom to Faith Elizabeth and Grace Katherine
Stillborn November 3, 1996 at 26 weeks’ gestation

and

Thomas Patrick
Born and died July 14, 1998

Ohio

Tim and I were married in March of 1994. We had a son, Timothy. Two years into our marriage, I was expecting again…and there were many surprises…First of all, everything was different with this pregnancy…there was more fatigue, more nausea, more belly, and more “stretching pains”. At our first ultrasound appointment around 6-8 weeks, the doctor confirmed, after a series of disconcerting “Hmmmms…” that we were expecting TWINS. I had a slight panic attack on the table, immediately overwhelmed with all the additional concerns and possible complications that could come with a twin pregnancy. Tim’s twenty-year-old face was covered in shock, bewilderment, and stunned excitement. I staggered my way off the examining table, and once safely behind the curtain, I began to change out of the napkin gown we ladies wear at the OB, and the fears started to emerge in the form of tears, which gave way to sobs. [Read more...]

Grace

Mom to Ryder Benjamin

Born sleeping January 21, 2012

Greensboro, North Carolina

In May 2011 I found out I was expecting our third baby. At first I was nervous and scared since we had just relocated and we were hours from any family or friends and I was scared about my husband’s job that we had relocated for. As time went on I got really excited and when I found out I was having a boy…I was over the moon! After 2 daughters I was so happy we were going to have our son. [Read more...]

Beatrice

Mom to Amara Jocin Newland

August 12, 2005 – March 7, 2006

Columbus, Ohio

My name is not important, but her name is.  She was Amara Jocin Newland.  And I am, and forever will be, Amara’s Mommy.  [Read more...]

Holle

Mom to “Peanut”
Miscarried April 1, 2010 at 10 weeks 4 days gestation

and

Declan Lloyd
November 18, 2011 to February 14, 2012
(Died at 12 weeks and 4 days old)

St. Peter, Minnesota

My daughter was 4 months old when my husband and I found out we were expecting our third child.  I remember feeling overwhelmed at the thought of another little one to take care of and honestly, a little ashamed that we hadn’t been more careful.  It took me a few weeks to fully embrace my pregnancy, but once I did I was so excited to have another baby.  It felt like we were finally going to be complete.  I had a scheduled ultra sound on April Fool’s Day, 2010.  My husband could not attend; I was there by myself.  I had been chatting with the nurse prior to having the ultrasound and was telling her how different this pregnancy had been and that I was feeling great, with no morning sickness at all.  When I went into the ultrasound, the ultra sound tech got everything ready and started the procedure.  I quickly was able to recognize two little arms and two little legs. It was love at first sight…She didn’t have the picture up more than 45 seconds before she told me she suspected a “demise” and left to get the doctor.  I sat there, all alone, beginning to feel waves of emotions start taking their toll…love for the baby I saw, fear for what the doctor would say, anger at the ultrasound tech, hope that she was wrong…when the doctor came in she confirmed what the tech had thought.  Our baby had passed away…there had indeed been a ”demise”.  His/her short life ended at 10 weeks and 4 days. I found out on April 1st, 2010.  The worst April Fool’s joke you can imagine. [Read more...]

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