Mom to Angel “SweetPea”

December 18, 2008

Williamson, New York

Well, in September 2008 my hubs and I decided to TTC baby #4. I usually get pregnant very quickly but we didn’t get a BFP until December 4, 2008, when I realized I was 4 days late.

We told everyone because I had 3 normal healthy pregnancies with our other 3 sons and didn’t think this pregnancy would be any different.

Well, on December 13th I went to the bathroom and when I wiped there was blood, so I freaked out and called my hubby in. We called the doctor, who told me that IF it was a miscarriage it would be over in a couple hours with heavy bleeding and cramping. I waited for this heavy bleeding, which didn’t come, and the cramps were no more than a menstrual cycle. I went to bed and when I got up in the middle of the night the bleeding was very light and the cramps had stopped.

On that Monday, December 15th, I went to have my hCG levels checked and they were 10,000, which was good. On December 16th I went for an U/S, and to our wonderful surprise the baby had a heartbeat, so we thought that everything would be fine. I went home and tried to just rest and put my feet up. I started to have more cramping and bleeding, so on Wednesday, December 17th I had my hCG levels checked again. This time they were only 9,000; they went down, which I knew that wasn’t good, so on December 18th, 2008 we went for a second ultrasound and found that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. We were devastated.

In the meantime, my left leg was beginning to swell and become very painful to the point where I was using crutches by the 18th. It was also Christmas time and after we were given the devastating news about the baby, we had to put on a happy face and go to a family holiday party that night, where no one knew I was pregnant except my parents and sister, so it was extremely difficult.

Later that night, after we got home, I had severe cramping and really heavy bleeding and the next day when I woke up the bleeding had pretty much stopped. When I went to the doctor on December 19th to have my D&C done I told her I was no longer bleeding. She decided to just give me Cytotec, which would help get rid of any tissue that was left.

When I left the doctor’s office on the 19th I went straight to the hospital because my leg was very swollen and painful. We found out I had a huge blood clot in my left leg, so I was put on Coumadin. I went from grieving the loss of my baby to trying to get myself healthy.

The last 3 years have been difficult, and finally, on the 3 year anniversary of our loss, I had an emotional breakdown and finally cried for my baby..

I was 7 weeks pregnant when we lost the baby and even though it wasn’t there very long, we loved it just the same as our other children and it will forever be my child. We didn’t know the sex, but in my heart I feel it was a girl because with 3 healthy boys before and my rainbow being healthy boy it is just logical to us that it was a girl.

Jamie blogs at http://mrsc05.blogspot.com.

You can contact her at mizzred81@yahoo.com.

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