Hayley

Mom to Tayla Lee

Born sleeping March 6, 2012

Australia

My Name is Hayley and I am 30 years old. My husband of 3 years is Glenn. We have a little boy who is two named Cooper, who we love and adore more than anything. We have always said that we would like 2 or 3 children and not to far apart in age. So, not long after Cooper turned 1, we decided to start trying again for a second child. It took me by surprise to not fall pregnant straight away as we had only tried with Cooper for a month and then discovered that we were pregnant. We had been trying for couple of months before we discovered that we were pregnant which we were very excited about. I made an appointment with our GP to confirm it and get a letter to get an appointment at the hospital with the midwives.

We were 8 weeks on a Friday morning and I was out doing the grocery shopping then heading to a friend’s place for a catch up and a play date for Cooper. While dropping the groceries at home, I went to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding. I continued on to my friend’s place thinking that it was just spotting and would go away. Once at my friend’s place the bleeding got worse and I started crying and informed her of what was happening. I am glad that I was at her house at the time as she is a nurse and she called my GP, who told us to come straight in. Then she called my husband and informed him what was happening and that she would take me straight in and he could meet us there. Once my husband arrived at the doctor’s we were sent for an ultrasound, during which they informed us they could not see anything and that we had most likely had a miscarriage. I then returned to my GP, who sent me for a blood test and my levels had fallen, so we had definitely had a miscarriage.

We had not really thought much of trying again but we fell pregnant straight away. We went and saw our GP and we were confirmed to be pregnant again. We then went for a dating scan to find out the due date as I had loss count of days after we had the miscarriage. I was very nervous to go and have the ultrasound, but my husband kept telling me it would be fine. We had a lady doing the ultrasound and she informed us that she could not see anything, and that either it was too early to see anything yet or we were going to have another miscarriage.

We left there very upset and devastated that we might be having another miscarriage. I went back to see my GP and he told me to wait a few weeks and then to go to a different ultrasound place and see what happened from there. Needless to say they were a very long 2 weeks, but we had made it without any bleeding so I was feeling positive. We had the ultrasound and we could see our little baby on the screen and we were told we were 8 weeks and were due on the 30th of March 2012.

This time around I was feeling very unwell and tired for the first 13 weeks or so, but then it all improved pretty quickly from there. I had gotten into midwife Group Practice this time round, which meant I would see the same midwife the whole way through the pregnancy and that she would be there for the delivery, which was fantastic, as she only lived up the road and was seeing me at home due to having a 2 year old who I had to fit my days around. Her name was Angela, and we soon formed a bond over the baby I was carrying.

Everything was going fine and time was flying. We soon had our 19 week scan and saw our beautiful baby on the screen moving around, and got the ok and informed it was all going well and we decided that we once again would not find out what we were having as we liked the surprise. So there was lots of guessing as to what we were having. My husband kept saying it was a girl and what was he going to do with a girl. I truly had no idea, unlike with Cooper, where I was adamant that he was a boy. On Sunday the 26th of February I spent the whole day pulling apart my house and saying that it needed to be clean and that the baby need to come soon (I now in hindsight realise that I was thinking that something was going to go wrong).

On the 27th of February 2012, I had to go see a OB/GYN at the hospital for a 36 week appointment He said everything was going fine, but he was worried that the baby was a little on the small size so he wanted me to go and have an ultrasound that week and come back for a follow-up appoint the following Monday, which was the 5th of March 2012. When I was leaving the hospital my husband rang and I just started crying, saying that the doctor thought that the baby may be on the small side. He calmed me down and told me to ring Angela, my midwife, and let her know what was happening. Once I had spoken to Angela I was feeling a lot better, as she informed me that the baby had been growing every appointment and pointed out that maybe this time round it was a girl and that is why it was smaller.

I went for the ultrasound on Wednesday, the 29th of February 2012, and was informed that all was looking fine and that the baby was around 6 pounds 4 ounces and that there were still a few weeks so all would be fine.

The weekend before the doctor’s appointment back at the hospital was a busy weekend. I had noticed the baby moving on Saturday. This baby moved a lot more than Cooper ever did, especially at night or if I put something on my stomach, it would kick until it fell off. On Sunday I noticed it was a little quiet compared to normal, but I assumed that it was as it was getting ready to come as Cooper went very quiet leading up to his birth. I mentioned it to Glenn and he thought the same thing and we had our appointment the next day, so I would mention it then.

The following morning Glenn was tossing up whether or not to come to the appointment as he was very busy with work, as we own our own business and he was thinking ahead to having time off when the baby was born. I am forever grateful that he decided to come, as it turned out to be the day that would change our lives forever. When we arrived at the hospital we were waiting around half an hour and then we were called in by a different doctor than the one I saw the week before, but he went through the scan results and said it was all fine I mentioned that the baby had not moved that morning and had been a lot quieter the day before he asked me to hop up on the bed. He was trying to find the heart beat with the Doppler machine but he could not get anything. He informed me that they were useless most of the time and to come around to the ultrasound and he would have a look. He was very quiet when he was looking, and then he excused himself from the room. At that moment I started crying as I knew that something was very wrong. Then the doctor that I’d seen the week before came in the room and had a look. He then turned to me and said, “Sorry, but the baby was gone, there is no heart beat.” I will never forget the look on Glenn’s face as he said, “What do you mean? The baby is 37 week, how does this happen?”

We were then taken to another room and left to cry and try to understand as to what we had just been told. The doctors call Angela, my midwife, and they informed us that she was on her way in. Glenn then called my mum, who had an hour to drive to get to us to ask her to come straight down, but did not inform her us to what was happening. Once Angela arrived at the hospital, she informed us as to what would happen next. She took us up to the birthing suites and went through the whole induction process with us and took us to the exact room that we would be in the following day to give birth to the baby, which I was still in denial that it was no longer alive. She also introduced us to the other midwife that would be with us on the following day, and his name was Mark. Once we were all clear on what was to happen, we were sent home to try and process what had just happened and inform our families, as my mum by then had arrived at our house, where Glenn’s mum and dad were minding Cooper. As we pulled in the driveway they were all outside and had asked what was happening all I could say was the baby was gone and burst into tears again. Glenn was my rock and I still now can’t believe how he managed to make a few phone calls to my sisters and his brother and inform them as to what was happening. It was the longest night, but it is all a blur as to how we got through it.

The next morning we were due to be at the hospital at 8.30 a.m. for the induction. We arrived at the birthing suites and were taken through to a family room. The midwife took a heap of blood tests and informed me the doctor would be in soon. The doctor arrived and said he wanted to do a quick ultrasound to see if baby’s head was down. He then came back with the ultrasound machine and did a very quick look, and then he left the room. While he was gone, my husband asked the midwife if the doctor could check again just to make sure that the baby’s heart was no longer beating, as the doctor had informed me that I could take all sorts of pain relief since it would not matter to the baby any longer. The doctor then came back and checked and confirmed our worst nightmare was still coming true and the baby was gone. I still had hope that they were looking incorrectly and the baby was going to be born breathing and left out a cry and I was not willing to let go of that yet.

The doctor induced me at 9.30 a.m. and informed me that they would check me again at 3 p.m., and if I was not progressing he would look at putting in an IV with oxcytocin to induce labour quicker. Things were pretty quiet as we were just waiting for things to happen, and then all of a sudden I decided that I was going to try and make this a positive experience for the baby that was coming as that is the last thing I could give to my child. From that moment on, we went walking to try and kick start the labour I also refused to have any pain relief as I had given birth to Cooper with no pain relief and felt the need to do the same for the baby that was coming. I also knew that I needed to remember every little thing about the birth as that is all I would have left.

After doing laps of the hospital and bouncing on a fit ball, labour finally started around 2 p.m. and fully kicked in around 3 p.m. I was managing to make it though with no relief but the pains were coming fast and very intensely. I had requested that the pool be set up for a water birth. Once in the pool, things moved very quickly and the baby was born at 6 p.m. Mark informed me that he would let the baby float in the pool and I could pick it up when I felt ready. I picked the baby up straight away and it was a girl who we named Tayla Lee Newling. She was so perfect and I just kept repeating over and over that it was not my fault! Mark, the midwife, had informed me that the cord had a true knot in it and was also around Tayla’s neck a few times really tight. I was then moved on to the bed. The whole time I was holding Tayla and was not letting her go. They had a lot of trouble getting my placenta to deliver. They finally got it but were not sure if it had all been removed. After that I went and had a shower and let my husband have some time with Tayla. Angela then brought in a bag of clothes with a few blankets in it that are put together by a group called Hope Bereavement, as we had only brought a white outfit in for Tayla since we were not sure of her sex. Mark and Angela came in and took Tayla’s foot and hand prints for us to keep and also a lock of her hair that we could take with us. Angela then help me bathe Tayla and dress her in one of the pink dresses we were given. A photographer then came and took photos of Tayla and also of my husband and me with her, which I will always cherish. My husband and I then spent the night at the hospital with Tayla in our room giving her lots of cuddles and just crying. There was not much sleep had that night, as being in the birthing suites you could hear a lot of other women having their babies and hearing their newborns cry and wondering why they were getting to have their babies safely and we were not going to be able to leave the next day with Tayla.

The next day was the hardest day I will ever remember as we had to say goodbye and leave Tayla for good and I was never going to see her grow up on a daily basis. Once home it is all a blur. We then managed to organise her funeral, which was a really nice day…the sun was shining and we had the celebrant that preformed our wedding and my son’s naming day perform the service so it was a little personal. We only had close family attend. We then released pink balloons at the end of the service. Later that afternoon, close friends joined us at home to let us know they were there for us.

On the30th of March, which was Tayla’s due date, our close family returned to Tayla’s gravesite and released pink balloons once again and butterflies. We also read some poems that I had found. I am so glad that we did something to mark her due date as it was a very hard day.

We have returned to the hospital and received all the test results and been informed that it was an accidental cord death and the likelihood of it happening to us again in extremely small. I don’t know if that is meant to make me feel better as it doesn’t it just makes me very nervous that if we try again it may happen again. At the moment we are just taking it day by day and I am trying to remind myself that I am so grateful that Tayla is a part of our family and that one day I will get to give her all cuddles in the world to make up for all the ones that I am missing out on giving her at the moment. She will always have a big part of her mum and dad’s hart. There is not a moment that passes without thinking of her.

You can contact Hayley at hayley@newling.com.au.

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Comments

  1. I am so sorry for your loss, unbelievably so. Your story is almost identical to mine. We have a 3 year old already, had a missed miscarriage then got pregnant with our baby boy Nicholas who was due on 27th March. He made it to the 17th March when we found out he had passed. He was born on the 19th March, and we found out last week that it was because of a true knot. Our doctor told us it was so rare that this happens on average to only two families a year in Australia – so I guess sadly you are the other family :(. Nicholas’ funeral was on the 30th March as well, so both our babies became angels together. My email is on my story page if you would like to talk more. It is so unbelievably hard, but comforting at the same time knowing others have gone through it too. My thoughts are with you. xxxx

  2. Samatha says:

    My heart goes out to you and your family Hayley. Your story is sadly very similar to mine. It has been 31 months since my Joseph Gabriel passed away at 40 weeks gestation, due to a cord trauma. And I, as you, think of him still every day. And on the 14th of every month (his birth date) I burn a candle all day in his memory.
    The devastation on loss never gets easier, but the pain does, in time, subside. There are so many wonderful memories to be made with your little boy. Treasure that.
    ~Samatha

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