Shivani

Mom to triplets, 2 boys and 1 girl,
Born and died at 21 weeks on May 10, 2010

and

Twin girls,
Born and died at 23 weeks born on September 19, 2011

Muscat, Oman

25 Jan 2010, morning 7.00am was very excited for my test, was not ready to believe that it’s POSITIVE.

I was very very happy, my husband was out of town for his work, I called him and told him about the biggest news which was going to change our lives. When he came back from his tour we went to our Dr for test and to confirm that I am pregnant. My first scan was on 06 Feb 2011 we heard our baby’s heartbeat, can’t tell you how it was. Then surprise one more heartbeat and then one more. I was pregnant with triplets, we were very happy and same time nervous also because these type of pregnancy is risky. But keeping all our fear aside we were enjoying that moment of becoming mother and father. As per my reports and regular visits to Dr. everything was going fine, all the babies were growing nicely without any problems. Dr. Gave us option in the beginning to go for selective abrasion, we discussed this with family also same as us they were happy as well as worried because this was first ever case of multiple pregnancy in mine and Rakshit’s (my husband) family. Being mother I was not ready to abort any of my babies because they were all same for me. Scan to scan I saw them growing and was very happy.

First time I felt my babies moving was 14th week, I was in tears that was most amazing moment for me. Day by day I was feeling them more and more I use to talk to them, shared so many secrets also. I left my job when I was 16 weeks and started preparing myself for 3 babies. We planned to have babies’ delivery in India because we were alone here and nobody was there to look after me. Wanted to stay with family so that I can enjoy each moment of my pregnancy

05 May 10 I was 20 weeks pregnant and went for my last scan in Muscat. Saw my babies were happy playing with each other, that’s what Dr. showed to me. It was there detailed scan I saw their body parts. Dr asked us that if I want to know the gender of my babies? We said no, let it be surprise for all of us. But still Dr. was very happy to see their growth and she was aware that I’m leaving for India in excitement she told us one of the baby is BOY other to let it be surprise. She also told me that u any have normal delivery thought it’s too early to predict but still because chances of 3 babies moving up n down inside was difficult. So now I knew that the baby in centre was a boy, right n left side baby was surprise. Me andn Rakshit were happy but somewhere in the corner of the heart that fear was there, every day we used to see each other and ask hope it works, hope things go fine.

08 May 10 morning I had little cramps I called my dr. And she asked me to be on bed till I travel. Increase my medicine dose. Rakshit was worried for me, I was travelling with my brother and Rakshit was going to join me later in India. There was slight bleeding on the day I was travelling but friends and few mother said that it happen sometimes so don’t worry. I called dr. And she increased my medicines again and asked me to take complete rest in India. At the airport when I saw Rakshit’s eyes there was fear he was not happy sending me, maybe he had that feeling that something will go wrong!! In flight I was not comfortable I lied down and was praying to reach safely with my family. I was feeling very watery down seems some kind of liquid or similar to urine, I was worried n waited till flight lands so that I can check what’s happening. I went in washroom to check and had shock of my life, my pants were full with blood I never felt so scared, I saw some big blood clots under my panty with lot of fear I touched it and checked. Thank god it was just a blood clot. I cleaned everything and went out. I told my brother about that and was asking him hope things go well. I was just 1 hour away from my family. On the way to home I told about this what happen in flight. I took shower and ask my mother in law to take me to a Dr. Was so worried about my babies, I did not tell anything to my husband because he was far and did not want him to worry about us. By 10.30am my pain was too much seems I was in labor, my family Dr. Was not available he gave some medicine over the phone to reduce pain. We were trying to get in touch with other Dr. By 1.30pm I was in hell pain was unbearable then we decide to go to hospital. Dr. did scan and said we’ll have to terminate this pregnancy, I was blank did I heard correct? For Dr. It was so easy to say terminate, there was 8cm contraction and baby was half way already, and because it was triples and all were head down there was no change to save even one baby. Till 5.30pm I was in labor by that time all my family was in hospital with shock and tears in their eyes, because I was pregnant after 5 years of our wedding.

10 May 2010 5.30pm I delivered my 1st baby boy (Abhi, weight 300gms) 5.40pm a girl (Tweety, weight 300gms) and 5.55pm boy (Aadi, weight 280gms)  and it was all over was not ready to believe that it happened to me. I saw my babies they were sleeping and was never going to wake up again. I was waiting for my husband he came next day morning our world was changed. We never thought that this can happen to us.

We came out very strongly with our loss. My babies can see me if I’ll be upset they will be upset. For them I hold strong for Rakshit and my family I hold strong. Days went every day we miss them. Correctly after 1 year of babies’ birth 21 may 2011 early morning 5.00am my test was positive. I was shivering and in tears, I just went in bedroom and hugged Rakshit and said just one word POSITIVE. We both were in tears happiness was again at our door. This time we wanted to keep it very low, I called my dr. And took appointment we were early so in my first scan we were not able to hear baby’s heart beat. Dr. asked us to come in next week that one week was very long for us to wait. Then we heard them, yes it was twins this time, I was very scared because didn’t want to lose them again. Same time I was very positive also because negative thought will bring negative result. We both forgot what happened in past and started to enjoy in present. We informed our family after my 1st trimester and called my in-laws to Muscat because this time we avoided travelling. I was on bed rest from my 13th week. We were taking extra care of everything felt there first move in my 16th week that was touchy moment for me, I started talking enjoying my pregnancy, use to listen lots of music, pray for them every day, every hour. Everything was very smooth and nice.  11 Sep 2011 I went for routine check up and scan there Dr. Asked me if I am having any pain or cramps? I said no I am not feeling anything. She gave surprised look and said there is a problem she spotted funneling, this time they thought of doing surgery in my cervix to tighten it by taking stitches on my cervix. I was asked to admit in hospital same day and from that day should be sleeping on elevated bed. During my surgery there was lot of blood loss and as per dr. My surgery was not 100% successful so I was asked to be hospitalized for few days under observation, I was discharged on Thursday 15 Sep 2011 and was happy to come back home. But back in mind was very much worried. Still I was positive because we came to know at correct time and did surgery which we failed to do last time. On Saturday 17 Sep 2011 7.00pm everything was fineRakshit was at home my sister in law came to see me, in laws were out for walk everything was normal. I got to pass urine and another shock of my life, seeing bathroom floor full of blood I lost all my hopes, I was shattered and started crying and told Rakshit that I lost my babies, we rushed to hospital and after scan dr. Said that everything is ok. Sometime it happens after surgery you get this type of bleeding. But I had seen that blood it was not normal, I could see Dr’s nurses’ eyes they looked worried. Then they showed me my babies they were ok, looked like they are not even aware what was happening, they were busy playing. Seeing them I was very much relaxed and happy that they were fine. Sunday 18 Sep 2011 bleeding didn’t stop now Dr. Was worrying about my life because blood was flowing like water from my body. Monday also same story lot of blood loss, morning they did my scan and found funneling too. Dr. called my husband and told him that if we can stretch till 28 weeks then we can take out babies. Monday 19 Sep 2011 somehow me and Rakshit we both lost hopes I was broken from inside I was in too much pain my HB from 10 drop down to 6 in just 2 days. We both were together in same room but speechless, nothing was in our favor. That day first time I said that I can’t take it any more please god help me. Evening 7.00pm me and Rakshit was just talking and I felt heaviness on my stomach, I called nurse and asked her to check the moment she removed my blanket there was hell lot of blood on my bed, I went unconscious Dr. Rushed put me on oxygen and informed my husband that they will have to operate and take babies out I was not in position to go for normal delivery. Before sometime everything was fine they took me in OT around 7.15pm and took out babies by C-section. I delivered 2 beautiful girls 23 weeks, we named them Roso & Mishthi  both were 450gms, and they were not ready for NICU and Dr. Could not save them. They both were alive for 10 mins, this time they were with their paa, Rakshit always wanted girls. Rakshit came next day with babies to me, I wanted to see them. I was very happy seeing them, just one touch and I … they both were tall, pretty and quite. So quite ….there nails were very sharp like there paa because my nails are not that sharp.

This was huge loss, in fact can’t even describe how we were, but I had to be strong for Rakshit and for family because nobody expected that this will happen again. May god had decided this for us and gave me this pain of loss with strength. On my first loss I cried a lot, was upset, questioned everyone that why me??? But this time, no tears no questions and no sadness, because I know my babies will come back to me soon. Being sad and upset won’t bring my babies back but staying happy and positive will keep my family happy and my babies too. Because I know they are still with us and are seeing us all the time. Sometimes I talk to them like I did when they were still alive inside me, and I remember them and love them and I feel ok. I am sure things will get better and I am trying to look forward to one day having a baby I can bring home with me but right now it feels like that will never happen. I don’t understand why this happened to my babies. I am honored to have birthed my children, to have felt it all. That’s something special to me and something I’ll always remember and cherish: I am a mum and despite not having my baby in my arms today, I have the marks and broken heart to prove I had a baby. I birthed them and I love them more than ever with every passing day.

Sleep well my beautiful angels, till we meet again princess, Maa and Paa loves you!!

You can contact Shivani at vani1214@yahoo.co.in.

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Comments

  1. Hannah says:

    You have lived my worst nightmare – the death of more than one child. I’m so sorry to hear of all your sweet babies. You are strong and courageous to share your story.

    HH

  2. Nirav sheth says:

    Shivani didi…….i don’t have any words to say…….I have felt my eyes became wet but as male dont cry…..I cant……But I have a faith in god that he cant be much cruel…..Hope is still alive……

  3. Sudha says:

    Shivani, your story made me feel vey very sad. I hope And pray for God to bless you and give strength. I lost my baby boy at 2 months age. He has AV canal heart defect. I am trying to recover for it. You are a strong woman and don,t loss hope. We will definitely see our babies some day.

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