Alicia

Mom to Raegan Elizabeth

Estimated Due Date September 22,2012

Early Miscarriage

Ohio

 

On January 10, 2012, my life changed forever.  When I had my miscarriage, I did not know I was even pregnant yet.  The week before I had a feeling but was not completely sure because it was still too early to tell.  I ended up miscarrying after my first missed period so I was about 6 weeks at the time.  When I missed my period, I wasn’t surprised because I had been stressed out completely at the time. My boyfriend and I were not trying to get pregnant and I did not tell him when I first started to think I might be just because I did not want to freak him out unless I knew for sure.  When I found out I called him immediately.  After that I still had symptoms of being pregnant, which were like a slap in the face because it was a constant reminder of what had happened.  My friends have each tried to be supportive, but none of them really know what to do or say.  And my boyfriend has just buried it, so he does not have to deal with it at all.  He is there to listen to me when I need to talk, but it seems like he does not even care.  I know he cares because how can someone deal with something like that and not care.  But I know he is there for me through everything because he even went and saw a counselor with me to talk about it.  It has been 2 moths since it happened and every day I have thought about her.  Some days are easier than others, but each day that passes I know it is one day closer until I will get to see my little angel again.

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Comments

  1. Elizabeth says:

    So sorry for your loss. Men deal with grief differently than we do and I totally relate to feeling like I was the only one who cared so much even though I know he does too. Thank you for sharing your story and I know your little one is watching you from above.

  2. It does get better and easier as time goes on. You nay not seeit happiness or healing now, but you will. I miscarried a year ago in march and its been a long year with highs and lows. Hang in there. :) I have a blog you can check out so you can see my year with dealing with my loss. godstinyangel.blogspot.com

  3. Tamara Odgaard says:

    I’m sorry for your loss, I know all too well the grief that’s experience upon losing a baby early on in the pregnancy. I my baby son, Justin, at 14 weeks into my pregnancy and was absolutely devastated at the thought of having to say goodbye to him.

    I can clearly remember the secret excitement and adulation at first discovering I was pregnant on the 20th December 2011 and did my best to try and keep it from my family until later on, only telling a small handful of people from my husband, Otto and good friend Linda.

    Initially my husband and I agreed upon not informing my parents and rest of the family of the news until around twelve weeks into the pregnancy, but given my big mouth that’s was virtually impossible and I finished up telling them around the 8-9 week mark instead, due to the overwhelming apprehension of not knowing how they’d react to the news, but it turns out that they were all excited and happy for me and Otto and after informing my family of the news I finally felt I was able to tell others the news and be able to plan ahead for the future.

    However, around 12 weeks into my pregnancy things changed and my life was turned upside down, during what started out as a routine Nuchal Translucency Scan that I attended with my mother in tow, which started out well enough with the baby appearing to have a good strong heartbeat and displaying some activity despite opting to take a nap throughout much of the scan much to the physicians frustration as he attempted to take measurements of the baby’s nuchal fold,, but then went pear-shaped from there on after the physician left the room before returning with a rather discerning look upon his face, which suggested that something wasn’t quite right. It was then that he broke the shocking news to me that the measurements of the baby’s nuchal fold were thicker than what’s considered to be within the normal range, suggesting a possible chromosomal abnormality. My mother and I were then called into the doctors office, who then upon combining my age with my blood test results and the baby’s nuchal translucency scan results expressed an even greater concern as he explained to me and my mother that the combined results would suggest that the probability of my child having some sort of chromosomal abnormality had diminished from around 1:300 to 1:2.

    I was absolutely devastated and went as I went and relayed the news onto my husband, who was at home at the time . Upon receiving the news he seemed equally shocked and wanted me to explained to him what this all meant before making it perfectly clear to me that he didn’t want a child with Down’s Syndrome. I was gutted by the mere thought of there been something severely wrong with my baby, but did my best to try and remain positive despite the horrible realization that there was a very strong probability that this child was a Down’s Syndrome Child.

    It was then that I was referred onto the Mater Mothers Hospital to receive further testing, which involved a Chorionic Villus Sampling Test, which I attended with my husband, in order to test for chromosomal abnormalities, which revealed some even more distressing news, as it was revealed to us that the baby had what was diagnosed as a Cystic Hygroma, of which none of the prognosis for sound particularly good.

    Upon having the CVS I was then informed that the results for the test should take around a couple of days to come through. Only I received the results from my CVS the very next day instead only to discover my worst nightmare had just been realized after it was revealed to me that my baby did in fact have Trisomy 21 (Down’s Syndrome). I was in the middle of down town on my mobile at the time the news was broken to me and it was just horrible as I struggled to keep myself together and finished up braking down in the middle of the street and having a total stranger come up to me to ask me what was wrong, as I tried my best to fill her in on the news all the while attempting to choke back floods of tears – talk about awkward.

    But if I thought that was bad enough things were about to get a whole lot worse for me upon breaking the news to my family and loved ones and expressing a desire to want to keep the child despite the many adversities it would have to face throughout it’s life should I continue on with the pregnancy, only to have my wishes met with hostility and stern disapproval, even from my own husband – whom I didn’t feel really understood just how hard this decision to terminate the pregnancy was, especially when I already development such a tight bond towards this child and this unanimous decision by everyone else around to terminate the pregnancy totally went against my pro-life beliefs towards abortion and my own maternal instinct to want to love nurture and protect my unborn child despite my total feeling of helplessness at not being able to undo the damage that had already been done to this child at conception.

    It was approximately a week or two later after much painful deliberation that I finally buckled under the pressure and reluctantly agreed to a medically induced pregnancy interruption and was admitted into hospital on the 22nd of February for a two day procedure and delivered my baby, whom I called, Justin, on the 23rd February 2012 – on the same day as my fathers birthday. So much for happy birthdays.

    Anyway that’s my story.

  4. that is exactly how mine acted/is acting its so hard i dont know weither or not to ever bring it up…..its so hard to deal with, im dealing with one i had a month ago. support is always the best

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