Mom to an angel, Bradley Frederick Carr
Born sleeping February 24, 2012
In the beginning of November 2011 I received the most amazing news. I found out that I was pregnant about eight weeks along. I had my suspicions seeing as I was nauseated all of the time and certain foods were turning me on and off. I had never been so excited. I automatically called my Fiance and told him the fantastic news. He was of course thrilled seeing as it is difficult for me to get pregnant since I had poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and it is very difficult for me to get pregnant we looked as this as a miracle.
I have never cared about something as much as I cared about this little life growing inside of me. It was amazing just know that in a few months I would be a mommy and be able to have my little one in my arms. On February 20, 2012 it was supposed to be a happy day for us. We were going to find out if our little one was a boy or a girl. I of course was hoping for a girl but was happy as long as they were healthy. We went in for the ultrasound and they started moving it around on my belly trying to get a clear image but it was just fuzzy and they could not see anything. They did not say much just that they wanted me to see a specialist at Winnie Palmer Hospital in Orlando, Florida. I went the very next day to have another ultrasound and the same thing happened, they could not get a clear picture. They told me to come the next day to see a specialist in Fetal Diagnostics. I remember I came home and I got in the shower and sobbed, hugging my belly. Why is this happening to me? Something was seriously wrong. I knew that much but I just did not know how severe. My fiance and I went in for our appointment the next morning and they did another ultrasound. This one was a lot more thorough. They kept looking at all these different parts of our baby but not really telling me what was going on. Then the doctor came in and gave me a huge blow to my heart. I was informed that our baby had not developed any kidneys and I was lacking amniotic fluid. Without amniotic fluid our baby would not be able to develop lungs and regardless if we could somehow get them to develop there would still be no way to survive without kidneys. This condition is called Renal Agenesis. It occurs in 1 of 4,000 pregnancies. So why us? Why must we have to make this awful decision. That very same day I was admitted into the hospital and they induced me into labor. All I could keep thinking was please be wrong. Please do not take my child away from me. Part of me felt and still feels like it is my fault. I gave birth to our beautiful little boy on February 24, 2012 at 8:40 AM. He was born sleeping. I miss him every single second of every single day and would give up my life just so he could have lived his. But I am thankful that he is not suffering. I hope he knows how much his mommy and daddy love him. We named him Bradley Frederick Carr after his two angel grandfathers.