Mom to Sovonn Rian
Sleeping Angel taken on September 18,2011
West Sacramento, California
I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. The beginning of the week, I had just found out I was having a boy. I had a lot of abnormal symptoms during my first trimester, but the doctor just told me I was getting 3rd trimester symptoms early. I had gone to the ER on 8/30/11 and was given a CT scan, but nothing was found. I started getting weak at work, and again had to go to the ER on 9/16/11, a chest x-ray was given and my world fell apart after that night. I was told I was extremely dehydrated and needed immediate attention. I began to panic, and fainted.
The next time I opened my eyes wasn’t until 2 days later. I was in the ICU of the hospital. And my family surrounded me, grateful I had woken up. My husband was beside me, and I noticed I was unable to talk. I had a tube going down my throat because I just went through an emergency heart surgery. I had endocarditis, and I had no idea what happened. The first thing I asked on paper was, “Is my baby ok?” and they all stared at me blankly. My husband lay his head on my stomach and told me he was gone, he didn’t make it. At that moment I broke to pieces. I had never felt a pain so heart wrenching.
Unfortunately, the doctors began explaining to me that I had an infection which quickly attacked my heart and started eating at my heart valves. The symptoms I felt weren’t from the pregnancy, but early symptoms that led to the endocarditis.
This happened about 6 months ago now, and to this day I have difficulty accepting the fact my son is not here with me. I thought it was getting easier, but I’ve had my share of extreme temper tantrums. When I came across this site, I felt I had to give back. I am not alone, though a lot of times I feel I am. I wanted to include myself in this website because I feel it can help me to have a better understanding of the situation, and how others like me are coping with their loss.