Kimberly

Mom to Unnamed Baby

Early miscarriage January 2005 – February 2005

Previously from Missoula, Montana
Currently from Toledo, Oregon

 

My story is older, but as I never knew people thought an early miscarriage was much to cry about, I never really did anything about it.  I was just shown this site and thought I’d share. 
I remember being really excited as I found out I was pregnant.  I managed to hold it in to tell my husband on Valentine’s Day – though he guessed it!  I was excited and told everyone about it.  But then I started spotting and passing clots.  I think I was told not to worry, just come in at my normally scheduled appt.  When I went in, I had a feeling.  I just knew the baby was gone because of all the clots.  I hope this isn’t tmi, but I actually saved a bigger clot thinking it could very well be the baby.  The doctor took some blood or something (I really don’t remember).  He didn’t seem to really care about it too much.  And he didn’t care about that little clot – which I had wrapped up carefully in a little plastic container.  I know it is weird, but to me, that was my baby.  I reluctantly threw it away afterwards, because I couldn’t know for sure what it was, but I kind of wanted to bury it.

 I remember waiting for test results at a restaurant with my Mom.  When the doctor called and said I was no longer pregnant, I cried there with my Mom.  Then I remember crying with my husband in bed that night.  It was horrible.  And then, well-meaning people would tell stories of their miscarriages and everything, which wasn’t hurtful to me – but I upset myself by thinking their experiences were worse than mine – because all of them were later pregnancy miscarriages or stillbirths.  I felt that my miscarriage was nothing.  I think I actually made this feeling up all myself.  No one actually told me this, or gave me any reason to think they thought that, but I felt that I shouldn’t be sad because it was just so early and tons of people have miscarriages.  I hope anyone else who reads this with an early miscarriage knows that it IS painful and you don’t need to feel that your pain is nothing.

 Now I am blessed with 3 wonderful boys!  I hope that you all are able to have healthy pregnancies!

You can contact Kimberly at weasleyredhead@hotmail.com.

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Comments

  1. I’m so sorry. You lost a baby- a little life that was growing in you. You had/have every right to feel sad about that. Something that might bring you some closure- there is a shrine called The Shrine of the Holy Innocents in NYC. If you email them, they will add your baby’s name to their book of life and make you a certificate of life for the baby. There’s also the National Memorial for the Unborn. It was begun for women who had terminated pregnancies, but they now add miscarried and stillborn babies as well. You can have a stone put in their memorial garden for your baby. Maybe something like this would alleviate the feelings you have about not burying your baby. <3

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