Jessica

Mom to  Zoey Skye

Stillborn January 9, 2012

Sulphur, Louisiana

My husband and I got married May 15, 2010. We started trying to get pregnant the end of January of 2011, and didn’t get pregnant until May of 2011. During that time of trying I would get upset every time I got another negative test. So the morning of June 6 when I finally got a positive test, I was so excited I started crying and shaking and didn’t know what to do with myself. I went and woke my husband up and told him the news and showed him the test. He was just as excited as I was. I made our first doc apt and it was for the beginning of July. At the apt we found out we were due January 29, 2012 and they gave me a paper to go do blood work. Well we ended up finding out that I had Thrombocytopenia which is low blood platelets. Blood platelets are what cause your blood to clot, so an extremely low count can cause spontaneous bleeding out. A normal count is 150,000 or higher. Mine were at 88,000. So my doctor put me on a 6 day pack of steroids (prednisone) to see if they would up my platelets and if they did, then I would get on them again at the end of the pregnancy right before delivery because you can’t get an epidural if your platelets are too low. I had told my doctor that I planned on trying to not get an epidural but she insisted that I would want one.

She also started sending me to a specialist that I would see once a month and they would do ultrasounds to make sure the baby was ok. I had really wanted a girl and my husband said it didn’t matter to him. On August 15 we found out we were having a daughter and I cried tears of joy when we found out. We decided to name her Zoey Skye. During the pregnancy it was pretty uneventful and just watching my platelets to make sure they didn’t get too low. Most of the pregnancy the platelets were around 55,000. When it was getting close to the end of the pregnancy, I was put back on the steroids to try to get them up and then I would be induced. I was on 20 mg of prednisone for a week and they didn’t hardly change so she upped it to 40 mg for a week and they still didn’t change so we planned on doing a IVIG (basically a transfusion of platelets) for a week and then I would be induced on January 19 which was my mom’s birthday and she had said throughout the whole pregnancy that Zoey would come early and come on her birthday. So we all thought it was cool that I would be induced that day.

I had a specialist apt on Jan 5 and they showed that everything was good with Zoey and she was growing right and everything. On Jan 9 (I was 37 weeks 1 day) I woke up while my husband was getting ready for work and when I went to the bathroom, I started bleeding. We called my mom and she came and picked us up and we went to the hospital to see what was going on. When we got to the hospital they tried putting a monitor on my belly to find Zoey’s heartbeat but they couldn’t but since she had been with her back to the front we thought she was just where we couldn’t hear it, so they ordered an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech. came in and started looking at her and I was confused because I was pretty sure she was looking at Zoey’s heart but I didn’t see it moving. She never said anything and then started putting all her stuff up so I asked did you find a heartbeat and she just shook her head no. I didn’t know what to think or do and all I could do was stare at the ceiling and cry. Then a doctor comes in and tells me that my doctor was out of town watching the Saints’ game in New Orleans so he was the doctor on call. He checked me and I was around 3 cm so then they broke my water and started me on pitocin. They checked my platelets and they were only 44,000 so there was no chance of me getting an epidural even if I wanted one.

The doctor had told me that since she was gone already they could give me more drugs and they would give me something that would put me pretty much out of it and not know what was going on. Well he evidently left and the nurse had said she couldn’t give me what he was talking about, that he was the only one authorized to give it to me. So all I got was demerol every once in awhile and that barely did anything, especially when every time she would give me some she would also up the pitocin. It started getting closer to time to deliver and the contractions were on top of one another so I was getting miserable. I knew she was gone, but a part of me still hoped to hear a cry when she came out. She was born at 6:20 that afternoon and I didn’t get to hear the cry I was praying for. She was 6 lbs 2 oz and 18 1/2 inches long. They took her out to clean her and then later brought her back and my husband and I got to hold her and spend some time with her by ourselves. Then close family came in and saw her. A social worker had been going in to see if we needed anything and they took pictures of Zoey and us with her. A little later on they asked if we were ready for her to be taken out of the room and I said yes but now I regret not holding her longer. Later that night they moved me to the post delivery room and I was up all night crying and replaying the day over and over in my head.

I was discharged late the next afternoon and it really hurt leaving the hospital empty handed. They don’t know what happened to her. The placenta was fine and we did a genetic test and that came back fine and the blood work came back fine. Me and my family, strongly believe it was the steroids that took her life and if I would have read up more about them before this, I would have never taken them. On January 12 we buried our daughter. Something I never wanted to have to go through. We plan on trying again in a few months but I’m terrified this will happen again. I love and miss my baby girl and I can’t wait until I can meet her in heaven.

You can contact Jessica at keepthefaith2007@aol.com.

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Comments

  1. lacey verret says:

    i love you jessica you are so much stronger than anyone i know. i know baby zoey is watching over you and justin from heaven. we are all here for you if you ever need to just talk.

  2. Jessica, I am so sorry for the loss of Zoey. I also had a stillbirth. I have said a prayer that God would comfort you and that you would hold your daughter in heaven again one day.

  3. Sarah says:

    Jessica, I’m so sorry for your loss. My daughter died shortly after birth- I know how awful it is to leave the hospital without a baby in your arms. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  4. Hannah says:

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. My son was stillborn at 37 weeks as well.

    DON’T beat yourself up about the steroids. YOU wouldn’t have been any good for Zoey if you were sick OR dead. I know you’d rather have your daughter in your arms, but all the “what ifs” will make you go crazy. You made the best decision you could with the information you had.

  5. Kellie M says:

    Jessica,
    How heartbreaking your story is. Especially when it sounds like the hospital and doctor were not accomodating to the situation and insensitive. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl. The first year is the hardest..the pain will get more bareable as time goes on. Hang in there and know that you will see brighter days. Praying for peace for you.

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