Mom to Baby Kester
Born and Passed on February 17, 2012
It all started with multiple positive pregnancy tests three days before Christmas. I was beyond thrilled and I instantly started crying at the sight of those two pink lines. Naturally I thought of a cute way to tell my fiancé, so I wrapped the test up and waited until he came home. He was so excited and he was speechless. We had been trying for 15 months and were starting to get disappointed, but we got our Christmas miracle. I was told when I was in my early teen years that it could be hard for me to conceive due to being abused as a child, so I was ecstatic.
Christmas Eve came and I gave my mom a card that said how she was a wonderful mom to me and I wrote at the bottom that I was glad she was around to help me raise our little baby. She was so excited and started crying immediately. The next day we told my fiancé’s immediate family; they were so excited, especially his younger sisters. We proceeded to go about making my first appointment for January to get my blood work taken care of. The appointment came quickly and we got to see our perfect little baby for the first time on January 20, 2012; once again, we were both left speechless and my fiancé teared up.
Everything was going normally. I had all the expected pregnancy symptoms and I was completely okay with it. I wanted the entire experience to be as it was expected. Fast forward to February 9, 2012: that was our second appointment, this time with the nurse practitioner. Unfortunately I had to go alone due to my fiancé taking overtime to try to save some extra money. I was supposed to hear the heartbeat at this appointment but the baby was being difficult; I did get to see him/her on the ultrasound again and the little heart beating so fast. It was magical seeing that our baby was developing as it should and just as the NP was getting ready to turn the machine off she told me to look at the screen again, so I lifted up my head and saw him/her waving at me. That was one of the most amazing moments in my entire life and I was sad that my fiancé wasn’t there to share it. The next few days I kept going on with my normal routine of working at the hospital, cleaning, etc. There was absolutely no problem that I could feel.
On February 16, 2012, I went to work and felt completely fine. Around 5:00 pm I felt a ping in my stomach and put it off to being hungry, so I went downstairs to the cafeteria and got lunch. I finished my lunch around 5:30 and I still had the pain in my stomach, so I went to the bathroom just like the NP had told me to do if I got cramps. I emptied my bladder and then the pains got worse: they were doubling me over and making it hard to breathe and walk. I could feel my heart rate going up as I started to cry. I tried calling my mom and fiancé but neither answered, so I called my boss who has kids. She told me to shut down the department and go straight down to the ER. I knew something was wrong but I kept myself composed as I went to the waiting room. As soon as I got there I almost passed out. Thankfully my favorite security man was there with a wheelchair for me and he put me in front of all the other patients. I was put in the triage bed since my heart rate was so high and I waited for about forty minutes before my mom and fiancé got there. In a matter of six hours I had numerous blood tests and an ultrasound.
I was anxious when the ER doctor came in and then she told me that even though my cervix was still completely closed they couldn’t detect a heartbeat or fetal movement. My heart sank and I blacked out so I didn’t hear anything she was saying to me; all I remember was crying in my mom and fiancés’ chests. I was later discharged and told to make an appointment with my OB-GYN. We went home and I climbed in to bed with my fiancé and we both just held each other and cried for a few hours until we fell asleep.
The next morning I called at around 10:00 am to make my follow-up appointment and when I told the secretary my name and why I needed an appointment, her voice instantly turned sad, which is something I was dreading. She told me to come in Monday afternoon and the doctor would see me. No more than an hour later I got the same pains as the night before but ten times worse; I called the emergency line and the secretary told me in a panicked voice to go to the ER now. I could barely walk and breathe but we made our way to the hospital in fifteen minutes and waited for a room. As soon as we got back to the ER room they put in an IV and a catheter and I was given pain medicine. The ER doctor checked me and paged my doctor. Fifteen minutes later my doctor was standing in front of me with a worried look on his face and told me I needed a D&E.
I was terrified because I’m in the medical field and I know what a D&E is. My mom showed up two minutes later and held my hand until I was taken to labor and delivery, the last place I wanted to be. Every nurse that came in contact with me looked at me like I was their own daughter and they were almost in tears. My pain medicine had worn off so I was in so much pain but they did everything they could to comfort me. Finally I was taken to surgery and I got to meet the accompanying doctors that would be in the procedure. I was given more medicine to relax me. The last thing I remember is seeing my mom and fiancé crying as I went to surgery.
Waking up, I was no longer in pain but I couldn’t talk due to the breathing tube they had to put in just in case I stopped breathing. It was 4:00 pm now and the doctor had already went and talked to my family about everything; he wanted to let me rest and relax. I was there until 10:45 pm and I kept my strong, brave face on until I stepped foot in my door. I broke down as soon as I took my jacket off and saw the baby scrapbook stuff I had just bought three days earlier.
It’s only been five days since I found out I had an angel baby but I feel so at peace with it. I know that this was part of god’s plan and that our baby is up in heaven with our family now, and they are taking care of him/her. We plan on trying again as soon as we get the okay from our doctor. The only regret I have is not telling my mom and the rest of our family that this was a planned pregnancy and that’s why we took it so hard- because we waited for so long to get those two pink lines and it was taken away so quickly.
You can contact Kristi at firstname.lastname@example.org.