8w5d in 2010, 8w1d in 2011 and 9w3d in 2012
San Jose, California
My husband and I decided to start trying for a family in December 2009. We tried for 6 months to conceive our first. I temped, charted, drank tea and Pom juice, the works. It felt like it took forever! And the feeling of seeing those two pink lines for the very first time is something I will never forget. No matter how many times those lines show up again it will also never be the same as that first time.
We saw our baby’s heartbeat for the first time May 26th, 2010, another day I will never forget. June 21st I went in for a second ultrasound after some spotting to find the baby stopped growing a week and a half prior, half way through 8 weeks.
We lost our first baby June 24th, when I would have been 11 weeks pregnant. I miscarried at home with my husband by my side. It was by far the most physically and emotionally painful experience of my life.
Finding out I was pregnant for the second time was not nearly as joyous an occasion. I was tense and worried the whole time. I had a bad feeling from day one. Sadly, that baby was also lost around 8 weeks. I opted for a D&C on May 10, 2011. I wanted tests done to try to find out a cause and to avoid the emotional trauma. The cause was determined to be a chromosomal abnormality called Triploidy, something so rare that the doctors we spoke with called it a fluke and said to definitely not worry about the next one. But…that if something did go wrong again, we might have a big problem.
After losing the second baby, my husband and I took a break from trying. On Christmas Eve 2011, about 7 months after my second loss, we got a surprise positive pregnancy test. We had such great feelings for this little one. I believed that this would be the one; third time’s a charm. It is what we all thought. The first ultrasound had never been our problem; we always saw a heartbeat, we always made it into 8 weeks. I purposefully scheduled a second ultrasound after 9 weeks. I felt like that would be the determining factor. If we could make it past that, we’d be golden. Well, we did. I was shaking in the waiting room before the ultrasound, almost in tears, afraid of what we might see. But, there it was, a heartbeat. Baby was growing on track. I just knew at that point this was the one.
Later that same day I started spotting. I didn’t think too much of it, even though that was a symptom I’ve had in each miscarriage. The doctor said to expect it after my internal exam. By the next week it had not stopped I went in for another ultrasound and found out that, despite all my good feelings, hoping, and positive thoughts, this baby did not make it either. My husband and I were devastated, in absolute disbelief that this was happening for a third time, especially after making it farther than we had before. I had a D&C on February 9th, 2012 at almost 11 weeks.
We are still waiting for our baby’s test results and our referral to a fertility specialist for further genetic testing. No one ever expects to be the one who has a miscarriage, pregnancy loss, or the one who suffers from infertility, but the minute you are that person your entire life will change forever. At this point I, like so many others, can only hope that someday we will be successful and have a child of our own.
Katy blogs at http://www.deardiaryitsmekaty.com.
You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.