Mom to Jacob Michael Jones
Born March 8, 2009 at 9pm, and passed away March 8, 2009 at 9:03pm
Rylan Michael Jones
Born sleeping On September 19, 2011
Life has been really tough on me and my fiancé the past four years. In February of 2009, we found out that we were indeed expecting a little boy. We were ecstatic! We picked out a name, Jacob Michael Jones (Michael was his father’s first name)
In March, I started bleeding on the 7th, and by the next morning I woke up to blood all over the bed, and down my legs. We made it to the hospital around noon finally (it was snowing pretty hard) and they rushed me to the ER, where they did a vaginal exam and said that my cervix was dilating and they could see the membranes pushing through. Neither of us really knew what to think, it was all so surreal, and I couldn’t think about anything else besides little Jacob suffering inside me. They took me to ultrasound and again confirmed that it was a little boy and we were 19 weeks and 2 days.
All of the things that happened after this point are somewhat a blur now. I was up in L&D, and they told me that I had to deliver, and that there was nothing they could do to save our little boy. My water had broken around 8:45pm and without any pain drugs I gave a few good pushes and little Jacob was born at 9pm, weighing only 4oz and measuring 7 and 1/2 inches long. He was absolutely perfect. They cut the umbilical cord and placed him on my chest; his little arm moved towards my pinky finger and his tiny little hand grasped it. His dad sat there next to me and touched him ever so gently. We were both in tears and crying hysterically. His little mouth opened and my heart kind of stopped for a second. His hand grasped my finger so tightly and it was almost like he was saying, “I’m strong… see, everything will be ok,” and just like that, 3 minutes after he was born… his little hand slowly let go and slid to my chest. The realization of what was happening finally set in to both of us. Our little boy was gone, and there was nothing that we could do. They put him in little clothes, and took his footprints, weighed him, measured his length, and finally handed him to his father. We got to take pictures of him and cuddle him for a few days before we had to say goodbye.
They never knew why I went into premature labor. They thought that it could have been stress related or something to do with me being so sick the month before with a high fever and the flu.
We finally decided to start trying again, two years later. We got a positive pregnancy test at the end of April! We were so ecstatic and excited, but worried all at the same time. As the months went on all our appointments were normal, baby was looking good, and my cervix wasn’t changing. They suspected that I had an incompetent cervix (where the cervix can’t support the weight of the baby and the amniotic fluid). Our last appointment we had was August 28th, and everything was normal once again. We had our second conformation that it was a boy and he was bouncing and healthy just like he should be. The next appointment was scheduled for the 20th of September, but we didn’t make it that far.
Sunday, September 18th, 2011 was a normal morning. I woke up at 4am and got Michael off to work, made his lunch and then went back to sleep. Around 8am I woke up for work and immediately went to go pee. I wiped and saw blood so without any hesitation I found clothes and started driving to the hospital. The thoughts kept running through my head about what happened with Jacob, and how it was already too late. I didn’t want to lose little Rylan. We had all gotten so attached and were so ready for him to make his way into this world in January that I didn’t know what else to think about. I was on the phone with Michael almost the entire time driving to the hospital, crying my eyes out. We were both worried but made certain that we weren’t going to focus on the bad outcome. I got to the hospital around 9am, up to maternity by 9:15, and was put on monitors to see if I was contracting and also to check up on Rylan’s heart rate. He sounded good, heart rate of 149, no signs of contractions and he was still moving around like he usually does. Dr. Fine came in and started to examine me, and when he got his first look with the speculum immediately he said that there were membranes showing through the cervix. Right then my heart dropped, I didn’t know what to think and didn’t know how I was going to tell Michael, let alone any of the family.
I asked if there was anything that they could do to stop the unthinkable from happening and all he could say was that there “was” a chance but it wasn’t a huge one. I called Michael and told him the news, and he was on his way. My friend Dani was there with me the entire time holding my hand and telling me that everything was going to be ok. By 4:30 that night nothing had changed, there were still membranes showing and we had to make the hard decision of going through with the Emergency Cerclage (where they sew my cervix shut). There was only a 2% chance that the procedure would work and that we’d be able to make it last a few more weeks. We were given a 45 minute ultrasound where the lady measured his bones, and growth, and his heart rate. He was absolutely perfect! Wouldn’t show us his face but he would show us his “man parts”, lol. After saying goodbye to the family, I was wheeled into the OR where I got a spinal block and then the procedure started. I watched the clock for what seemed like forever, and all I remember was when the clock hit 5:37pm…Dr. Fine could only say that he was sorry. I cried so hard, not knowing what to think or tell Michael and the family. I was in recovery for about 45-50min, and finally Michael came in and I could tell that he was trying to be strong for me, but with tears in his eyes I knew he was hurting. He just sat there with me and we cried. I got back to my room and the doctor had said that he was going to induce labor if it didn’t happen overnight, because the baby couldn’t stay inside of me without putting me in danger.
That next morning, Monday, September 19th, 2011 I was given Pitocin, and the waiting process began. At around 3pm my nurse brought in the Doppler and we were trying to find his heart beat. It took a good 30 min for her to find him. He was definitely hiding and didn’t want to be noticed; but for 5 seconds we were able to hear his little heartbeat for the last time. I went into active labor around 4pm, and stopped feeling him move around 4:30. Without pain medication and what seemed like a million pushes later, he made his way into this world at 5:27pm; his head was 17cm, he weighed 10oz, and was 9 1/2 inches long. The cord was wrapped once around his neck but he was beautiful. When they cut the cord and handed him to us, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. Finally getting to hold him, and see that he was truly perfect in every way. He had his dad’s ears and my nose right off the bat, and from his fingers to his toes they were all so perfect. We’re sad because we don’t get to hold him every second of every day but we’re happy that we were chosen to be his parents. We’re grateful that God blessed us with him for 21 beautiful weeks and I’m glad that I didn’t take any of those days for granted. Rylan Michael Jones will forever be remembered, and he’s up above with his big brother Jacob perfectly perfect just how it should be. He’ll watch over us our entire lives and we’ll get to see them both again someday when it’s in God’s plan. Our next hurdle will be getting through my current pregnancy (I’m 12 weeks and due August 28th) without any problems. I know that they boys will watch over their little brother or sister and it’s in God’s hands.
You can contact Miranda at email@example.com.