Today we welcome Casey Wiegand who is sharing the raw perspective of her own loss as it unfolded only days after occurring. Pieces of this post are excerpts from those difficult first days and the roller coaster of feelings and emotions we encounter. I am sure you will all be able to relate to her familiar perspective and find comfort in her ability to find healing through art, writing, and painting. ~beryl
My name is Casey Wiegand, I am a freelance artist, wife and mama.
I love painting and sharing our life through my blog…where you can expect pieces of my perspective on life, faith, kids, marriage, with touches of art, creative inspiration, projects and things I love along the way. I have two little ones in the hopes of lots more and am married to the love of my life .
I lost my baby in september.
Being honest, at first, even with some tears I felt like I needed to be strong. I thought I can’t be sad…I have so much to be thankful for and people have suffered many losses like this before…Casey be strong. My mind is able to have good perspective, I know that I am blessed with 2 beautiful babies, I know we have never suffered a miscarriage before or dealt with any kind of infertility but the truth is…
I decided though that I dont care if anyone out there in the world thinks it is silly that I am sad, devastated, heartbroken over this loss- because I need to be real about how I feel.
I am an artist and painting was a big part of my healing process, my outlet. Being outside and being able to express my feelings onto a canvas was huge for me. But above all, I also think it’s important to talk about it…if it’s too hard to talk then express those feelings/ that hurt in some way, like painting. It’s a healthy release.
I looked at a baby that looked just like my Aiden and Ainseigh at 3 months…and I know it would have grown up to look just like them and love me the way they do….and that little person is gone. It’s strange having a loss after having two children because I naturally imagine it looking and acting very similar to them…
it had such a reality to it.
God is so good and does wrap us up in these times of heartache… and I trust with my soul that He has a plan. But it doesn’t soften the hurt. I’ve felt uneasy with a huge lump in my throat. But, I have to say thank you so much to friends and family for loving me well after the baby was gone. I had flowers and meals on my doorstep, constant emails/texts/calls to check in….I am blessed to have such love in my life.
My doctor too is a beautiful soul…her nurses and staff truly are like family to me. They have walked me through some hard hard things in my personal life, as well as 2 rough starts. She cried along with us as we lost our little one. She answered all my questions. I am sensitive soul- I took great care and respect to the little life that I had started in me and I wanted to make sure that afterwards, even so small, it was respected greatly.
I miss the dreams we had for this child, I miss being pregnant, I just miss this baby.
It made me feel better to give him/her a name…to think about the day I reach heaven he/she will be standing there, I will instantly know who he/she is and wrap my hands around so tight.
I love you sweet Addison. I am so sorry I was unable to have time with you here on earth… I don’t know or understand, but I love you just the same. Mama is coming someday and we will be together again.
“I find beauty in not only the beautiful things in life, but the bittersweet and sad as well. To me, there is something poignantly lovely about the human experience from its splendor to its grief. God created all our emotions, not just the happy ones, and for His good purposes. That’s why a good cry can feel so good. And hitting our limits forces us to look outside ourselves for a Savior. It is in the plea, when we’re at our end, that we can find that which is truly life-giving. Personally, my moments of deepest grief, deepest pain, have resulted in the most beautiful seasons in my heart. I’ve met God more intimately in those moments than in all the other pleasant ones combined. What isn’t completely lovely about that?”- Leslie