Poppyseed January 2012
San Diego, CA
On December 10, 2011 we got some wonderful news we had two mature eggs. After 4 years of marriage and 2 years of infertility treatments this was only the second time any eggs were seen on our ultrasounds. We were instructed to go home and start trying and take a home test in two weeks. My husband was trying to expect the worst but I was pretty optimistic I kept telling him I knew it would work this time. My family was so excited that I tested right away on Christmas Eve and was very disappointed when the test returned negative.We went through the Christmas routine and during dinner on Christmas I was feeling a bit nauseous and my sisters said I should take one more test just in case. I took the test and watched it for about a minute negative again. I walked out of the bathroom to tell them they were wrong then went back in to throw out the test but when I looked at it there was what looked like a faint line there. I brought my sister in to see if I was imagining things and soon the rest of our family was looking at the test confirming a very faint second line. Trying not to get over excited my sister had another test one of those digital ones. Twenty minutes later I was ready to test again and I did. The minutes ticked by and finally it popped up YES +. Everyone was excited and crying and hugging each other. It didn’t seem real to me but I cried because it was exciting maybe just maybe I was finally going to be a mommy. We went to my husband’s family and told them the good news and then he started calling all his friends and I did mine as well. We ordered a copy of “What to expect when you are expecting” and we started calling it poppy seed when we learned it was the size of a poppy-seed. We got an appointment on the 27th to confirm the test and it too showed I was pregnant though the doctor said my hgc levels were a little low. I was having some light cramping but he said that was normal. We did a second blood test and the hormones doubled normally so the doctor said perhaps I had ovulated a little later than we expected to and things would probably be just fine. New Years eve I began cramping a little more and I was spotting just a tiny amount of blood. I went to the emergency room. The doctor informed us he thought we were experiencing the first signs of miscarriage and I should get rechecked in a few days. I had bloodwork drawn a few days later and I was still doubling normally so my primary doctor thought everything was going well I was just having normal first trimester bleeding. I started having some pain a few days later and I went to the emergency room as it was a weekend. They sent me up to ultrasound since the pain was only on my right side. The ultra sound tech informed me she should be seeing signs of pregnancy but wasnt. I was in denial I figured it was just too soon to see anything. They paged an OB GYN and he came down. He informed me that perhaps I was too early and if I was having twins it was possible they wouldn’t be seen yet. I was to follow up with the OB the following day. My blood work showed that my hgc had gone up 53% so they decided to repeat the ultrasound when I should have been 6 weeks 1 day along. They scanned my uterus and found nothing. Then my ovaries where they saw a cyst on one and beneath the other my right some shadowing. The doctor said she thought I had a miscarriage and we would repeat the ultrasound and bloodwork in two days but expect to come in for a D&C. Two days passed and we did the bloodwork and headed to the doctor’s office right after. Sitting in the lobby the nurse asked what we were here for as I told her we were there for a D&C I broke down and started crying. I felt awful sitting in the lobby full of pregnant people holding onto my husband and crying knowing we were going in to do this. My doctor informed us that the hgc level actually went up another 33% and they wanted to do another ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a little more shadowing under the right ovary and that is when we were informed that most likely this was an ectopic pregnancy. They sent us up to the chemotherapy room to receive our methotrxate shot explaining that this was 90% successful in ending an ectopic pregnancy as early as we were having. I spent the next couple of days feeling kind of sick and a little crampy. My blood work on day four showed the hgc levels still rising but the doctor did tell us that sometimes happens. On day 7 we had to have another round of blood work and another ultrasound. Once again we received bad news the hgc levels increased again now they were at 9800. The ultrasound showed a 2 cm area they are assuming is a gestational sack. There is no yolk or heartbeat but it is growing. We were given a second dose of methotrexate and told the possibility of needing surgery is now greater. As it stands right now I don’t know how to answer when asked when our pregnancy ended as there is still something in my tube. I hurt that we lost this baby but I know we did all we could do and there was no way it could survive. We will continue to try to have a baby just as soon as it is safe to do it. I knew conceiving would be hard but I never imagined it would be like this. I have received so much love and sympathy from my family and from a very surprising source as well. There has been an amazing outreach to me from an online community called Reddit I feel like through this tragedy I have gained some new family members. From across America I have received hugs, words of encouragement, six pints of very delicious ice cream and a delivery of chocolate covered strawberries. It has taught me that having people to lean on makes life’s challenges bearable. It has also taught me that even people you have never met “in real life” can be a source of true friendship and comfort.