Nicki
Ellersley Grace – August 13th, 2011 birth and death
Louisville, OH
My name is Nicki and I am a mommy to a little lady who dances on the other side of eternity. We found out we were pregnant on February 17th, 2011. We had been trying for about 2.5 years and we could not BELIEVE what we were seeing! We were filled to the brim with Joy and Love for the sweet baby we didn’t even know yet! We went through our pregnancy with flying colors, I was healthy and the baby was healthy. All was well in our world. We came to June and we decided to have a gender reveal party; we cut the cake and the inside color told us what my belly held inside.
We were soooo anxious and so excited and so full of Joy; we couldn’t wait to see what the cake revealed! We cut the cake and pulled out a big pink slice! We were in shock! It was a giiiiiirl!!!! We had been dreaming of a baby girl and we could NOT believe that God had given us our desire! We went through the summer with nothing more than swollen feet and a growing belly. Everything was going perfectly!
August 13, 2011 came and we had a lot planned! We went shopping for our baby shower which was to be 2 weeks later and we went to a Carter’s outlet and bought everything under the sun for our little lady. That night after all of the days festivities we were in bed when I started bleeding. I was 29 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
The blood would gush out and stop about every 15 seconds. My husband called 911 and I sat on the toilet praying and asking God to give us peace and to keep our sweet baby Honu safe. Honu was her nickname from the very beginning. A Honu is a sea turtle and we told our family that we were pregnant on a trip to Hawaii, Honu just fit her perfectly! The ambulance arrived and we rushed to the hospital. I had no pain at all the entire time. I felt the blood gush out every minute or so on the way to the hospital but not one ounce of pain.
We got to the hospital and they immediately tried to find her heartbeat. Once they found it, it was very faint and they rushed me to have an emergency c-section. Our Ellersley Grace Deem was born on Saturday, August 13th, 2011 at 11:31 pm. She weighed 2 lbs 9 oz and she was 15 inches long. She had strawberry blonde hair and long arms and long fingers. She had mommy’s nose and Daddy’s toes. She looked a lot like her Daddy. She was perfect in every single way. She came out not breathing and the wonderful doctors did CPR on her for 22 minutes. Our Ellersley fell into the arms of Jesus at 11:53 pm on her birthday.
I write about our life now and our sweet Miss Elle @ www.lovealwaysleavesamark.blogspot.com.  I would love for you to visit me…I pray for you all, that God would be your comfort and your peace in this life. . .
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Comments

  1. jamie lea says:

    Nicki, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Ellersley. I have said a prayer for you that God would give you comfort and that you would hold your daughter again in heaven someday.

    • Nicki Deem says:

      Jamie, thank you so much for the prayers! Oh, I intend to hold her for a long, long time…in a place where I never have to let her go! God and I have already discussed that! haha : ) I am so sorry to you for the loss of your sweet ones…heaven will be full of so many wonderful reunions! My husband and I cannot wait! :) All of your kids are so beautiful, how blessed you are! Thank you for leaving a comment…your words make my heart soar! I hope you and your family are doing well and living in the peace that only Jesus can give…

      Elle’s Mommy

  2. Hannah says:

    Your story brought me to tears…so many similarities with you and your daughter and me and my son. My son Everett was stillborn on March 1, 2009 due to a concealed placental abruption. I felt so many of the same emotions that you did. She is a beautiful little girl.

    Hannah

    • Nicki Deem says:

      Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting. It is so good to know that we are not alone. I am so sorry for your loss…I went to your blog and your little man, oh my is he just so handsome! Someday we will know all the reasons why we were chosen for this path. Most days I long for that day! Thank you again and I will be reading your blog often…I will be praying for you and your family that God would always give peace and remind you every day of the 2 gifts you were given to raise here. Oh, what a blessing that must be!

      Nicki

  3. Kate says:

    Nicky, thanks for sharing your story. I am interested in the fact that you said you lost Ellersley to placental abruption yet without any pain. Reason being is that I lost on of my twin boys, Sam, at 32 weeks and the way it happened (sudden, painless, very heavy bleeding) sounds very similar to your situation. I thought placental abruptions were extremely painful so I had ruled this out as a cause. I’d be grateful if you could share what you know about this. Sending you love and strength xxx

    • Nicki Deem says:

      I have not really researched this in depth. I believe the doctors and I don’t really want to know more! haha :) I had no issues at all during my pregnancy, not one. Not high blood pressure, not overweight, not the Rh deal, not any abnormal anything. Everything was smooth sailing and perfect. That night I just started bleeding and I actually thought I was peeing myself at first. That is what it felt like, like I was peeing myself. I had no cramps, no pain at all. I have no idea why…I am a lover of Jesus so I tend to believe that he saved me from that. I have heard that it is very painful but it just was not for me. The doctors tested my placenta after the birth and all they could come up with is that it had detached from my uterine wall and that she was no longer receiving my blood or oxygen. She passed away due to lack of blood flowing to her and therefore lack of oxygen. We did not have an autopsy on her but in all other ways they could test, they said she was perfect in every way. I would have to agree! :) She was not deformed at all, she was normal by all standards. I also want to say that I do not smoke, I do not drink so those were not factors at all. We were told that it was a placental abruption and our sweet baby just lost too much blood. I am so sorry that you were not given any answers…that must be awful! I will be praying for peace and comfort for you and for your family…thank you for asking…it’s horribly depressing to talk about but if it will help someone else, I love talking about my sweet girl!

      Nicki

  4. Kellie M says:

    Nicki,
    Sending comfort, peace and love your way. You will hold your sweet Honu in the afterlife. <3

  5. Allison says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your baby girl. After trying for so long and having so much hope, you are strong in your words. I pray that you will continue to heal from such a horrible loss.

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