Early miscarriage, August 2006
Ectopic pregnancy, November 2011
I am a mother, but my two babies are in Heaven with Jesus. I am the face of ectopic pregnancy loss and early miscarriage.
My husband and I eloped to Las Vegas in July of 2006 after only dating for one month. In August, we found out that I was pregnant. That was a shocker. We weren’t ready, I wasn’t done with nursing school, we both didn’t have jobs to support a baby (much less ourselves) and quite frankly, we weren’t done growing up. But after the initial shock, we were excited…excited to welcome this baby into the world with loving arms…excited to embark on this unpredictable new journey. That excitement was short lived when I began bleeding while I was at work one day. We went to the doctor the same day and they told me that I was miscarrying. How can you describe the pain of losing a baby? My sorrow was brief because everyone around me seemed to get over it just fine, so I felt like I needed to as well.
Five years passed and I finished nursing school and got a well-paying, stable job. We got all of our partying out of the way and found the most wonderful Man in our lives, Jesus. We were ready to try again.
On November 3, 2011, we found out I was pregnant again and we were overwhelmed with joy and happiness. The first week after finding out, I was so nervous. Nervous of another miscarriage, complications and a whole lot of other things that you get nervous about when you find out you’re having your first baby. I felt little cramps during my 5th week and kept asking my doctor if I should be worried about it, but they disregarded it and said that it was normal. I never had any bleeding, but when I would get nervous, stressed out at work, or exercise the cramps would intensify. I asked if I could come in before the first scheduled prenatal appointment at 8 weeks because I was worried it might be ectopic, but they denied my request. From then on, I just told myself to relax because I was over thinking the situation. So the next week, I made it a point to stop worrying and start enjoying my pregnancy.
On November 21, I was at 7 weeks, just one more week until we had the joy of seeing our baby on the sonogram. I was with a patient at work and was stressing out because of an overbooked schedule. I started feeling the pains intensify again. But this time was different; it got so bad and I began to feel hot. Everything went white and I made myself lie down. I don’t know if I fainted, but I only remember parts of what happened next. Some of the things I remember my co-workers saying were, “You’re sweating pretty bad,” and, “Your hands are really clammy.” My co-workers kept asking me if I wanted them to call 911 and I said, “No just take me to the hospital.” They tried to put me on a chair, but when I tried to sit, the pain was unbearable. The pain in my stomach was unbearable. At that point, I told them to call 911. When the paramedics got to me, my blood pressure was 80/30 and I was so out of it. I don’t remember much until I got to the hospital. The ER doctor examined me and it hurt everywhere. I could only lie still. If I moved, laughed, sneezed, coughed, it hurt so badly. The ER doctor ordered an ultrasound, but they seemed to be taking a long time. He tried to comfort me by saying it could just be a ruptured cyst and even tried to see the baby using an old ultrasound machine in the ER. We saw the little baby and he said, “I think this is your intrauterine pregnancy.” I turned to my husband and gave a little smile.
Finally, the ultrasound tech came and wheeled me to radiology. They did the ultrasound, along with transvaginal ultrasound. It was so painful as the tech was performing the procedure, but I asked him, “Do you see the baby?” His response was, “I just take the pictures.” I shut my mouth for the rest of the procedure. As he was doing the transvaginal ultrasound, I l ay silent in the dark room with two strangers and was able to hear the little baby’s heartbeat. I remember thinking, “This was not how I wanted to hear our baby’s heartbeat for the first time!” Then, I heard them saying to each other, “They want another tech to verify,” “…fetal heart rate…” and “…free flowing fluid”…at that point I knew.
I went back to the room in the ER. The doctor came to me and my husband and told us that the baby was nestled in my right tube and it had partially ruptured causing me to bleed internally. Words can’t describe the agony I felt when I heard the words, “I’m afraid this little one isn’t going to make it.” I had to have emergency surgery since I was bleeding internally. I ended up losing one liter of blood, my right tube and our baby.
The road to recovery physically, emotionally and spiritually is long and difficult. I’m not completely healed yet, but am trusting in the Lord for full restoration. We have faith, if God wills it, that we will one day be blessed with a child. I’m praying that one day my story will somehow help others, even if it is just one person.
“..after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” 1 Peter 5:10
You can contact Marilou at email@example.com.