Mysti

Mom to Ryland Sebastian Xavier,
Still-born at 36 weeks on October 24th, 2011

Cleburne, Texas

I had a pretty normal pregnancy up till my 7th month. I was due 11/22/2011. I had switched doctors and well my new OBGYN was not happy with my blood pressure. After my first 24 hour urine catch I was shown to have mild preeclampsia So from the end of September to mid October I was being sent to LDR for non stress testing and doing 24 hour urine catches every week. The urine catches for to test for protein in my urine…a sign of preeclampsia and at this point was to make sure it went no higher.

My OBGYN ended up putting me on labetalol for my blood pressure. Slowly my blood pressure was getting under control. She decided to not let me go full term and that I would be induced no later than 11/7/11. I was ok with due to it being for my high risk pregnancy.

My last non stress test was 10/20/11, I left the LDR that evening feeling great, BP was down to normal, baby was active, strongest heartbeat the nurses had seen in a long time.

I had a couple days of work, feeling fine. Saturday night I came home from work, no issues, baby active. Went to sleep.

On the 23rd I woke up as normal and ate breakfast. My lil guy always started kicking after I ate…today he didn’t. I called the Labor and Delivery and they gave me some suggestions. So after drinking a huge glass of OJ I laid on my side and waited. After about 15 minutes I got too anxious and rolled onto my back where I started feeling around my stomach. Once I felt my baby, I gently poked and got no response. I tried a few more times, nothing….

I flew out the door of my house to the ER and was sent to Labor and Delivery. It was confirmed via doppler and 2 ultrasounds that my baby’s heartbeat was no more. I shattered..never have I felt so helpless and destroyed. I ended up being given Xanax to calm me, which didn’t help much at all. I know I screamed, pretty sure the whole hospital heard me.

I was induced Sunday night. Throughout the night I was given 3 doses of Cytotec which is used to open the cervix. I don’t recall the times but my water broke in the early morning hours. I was given an epidural soon after. I passed out for a small amount of time. Once I reached 7cm dilated, I was told to push.

Ryland Sebastian Xavier Ames, was born at 8:48am Monday morning 10.24.2011, weighing 5lbs 6oz, 19″ long. His cause of death was his cord which was around his neck 3 times. I was in labor for maybe a whole 20 mins before he was born. I was so drugged to to the nature of the situation, I remember very little.

It’s been almost 3 weeks,  I am still in shock. Giving birth to my dead baby, holding him. He is so perfect and so beautiful. Why me? Why did this have to happen? I was only 2 weeks away from being induced with him due to my high blood pressure. His original EDD was 11.22.2011. I was doing great and so was he! It’s so unfair, being wheeled out of L&D with no baby, while every other lady there had hers.

I am now on Xanax, ambien and lexapro. I cry every day. My fiance Matthew, (Rylands father) has been amazing support for me. But I am still at a loss on how to cope. Going out in public is so hard due to the babies I end up seeing. Eating has become a chore and sleep is the only way to escape. The road ahead of me is so long yet.. I hope some day to feel abit normal again. But for now, I just do the best I can.

You can contact Mysti at lithium.angel77@gmail.com.

 

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Comments

  1. Isha says:

    Your story resonates with me because screaming is exactly the raw and true response I continue to feel. I have a 4 y/o and have had two miscarriages. I still want to scream sometimes, but it’s as if there’s no one who can bear it, not even myself.

  2. Tarri says:

    Mysti,
    My heart breaks for you. Although I didn’t make it to 36 weeks with my daughter Lilly, my due date is in 13 days and I understand the pain you’re going through. She was my third loss.
    I don’t know how much info you’ve found, or what resources you have, but I lost my first daughter in 2008, and I’ve had time to gather a lot of websites, ideas and contacts that have been a huge help.
    I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that the pain goes away. But gathering items of his that can bring you comfort will go a long way in healing your broken heart.
    Please email me if there’s anything I can do to help you, or if you would like some information on different ways to honor your baby. And if you’re not ready to face this completely yet, the offer is still here for you if you ever change your mind. Love to you Mysti. Tarri
    Tarrihulme@yahoo.com

  3. jamie lea says:

    Mysti, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Ryland. My son was stillborn on 9/12/00. I promise you that you can have joy again. I have said a prayer for you that God would comfort you and that you would hold your son in heaven one day. You may contact me if you wish.
    Blessings.

  4. Jessica says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember the early weeks and months of mine which is what you’re currently going through. It was hell and I’m sorry anyone has to go through it. I know it seems like it will never ever change but I want to give you some hope. Eventually you will be able to breathe again and you will have less bad days, it is slow but it happens. Hoping for peace for your holiday season.

  5. Jessica says:

    Mysti,

    Losing a child is a Hell that nobody can travel through alone. You may e-mail me if you need to talk or vent, whatever will help you. I lost my Isabella due to Preeclampsia and premature, so I understand what you are going through. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

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