Jenna

Mommy to Joshua, lost to SIDS

April 18 2005 – July 25 2005

Schertz, TX

 
Joshua was my first pregnancy …. completely unexpected and unplanned for.  I was in a teribble relationship, far from home, young and very naive. I had barely turned 20 when I got pregnant.  My life definately wasnt where I wanted it to be …. but I stuck it out, got a job and did what I needed to do.  I remember the first time I heard his heartbeat …. it was amazment that the little thing was growing inside me.  I LOVED being pregnant (other than the morning sickness)  .. I would talk and sing to him while he was snuggled in my belly and then on Monday morning April 18th at 9:37am he was born. He was big, healthy and perfect in everyway.  His father wasnt really part of his life and didnt really participate much, so I was the main provider and spent every minute I could with him.. he was my life… he meant everything to me! I spent 98 wonderful days with him before he was given his wings. I remember that day… I didnt have a car back then so I took him everywhere in a stroller since it was a smaller town… we went by to pick up his Birth Certificate (a cruel irony), did a couple of errands and then took a little break in the park.  I had to go to work that night, so his father and our roommate watched him like other nights I had to go in. I remember before I left for work I came back twice to kiss my little guy and pinch his cheeks… I told him “Mommy Loves you.. see you later cutie.” I never would have imagined that would be the last time I would ever see my son alive.  My baby boy died on a Monday night at 8:55pm of SIDS when I was at work. I lost a peice of my soul … I lost my life that night. July 25th 2005 was the night my life changed forever. Its sometimes hard to explain the pain and sadness I sometimes feel… how much I miss him and how much I wish he was here with me now……. even though it is many years later he is in my thoughts everyday and forever in my heart .  I am now very happily married with a 3 month old Rainbow baby named Logan. I met my husband about 6 months after Joshua died and he has been my saving grace in my darkest hour.  I am a face of Loss .. but I am a face of Hope.  Even though Joshua is no longer here on earth I know he is and always will be looking out for me now an forever.
Jenna can be reached at Jenna_annas@ymail.com
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