Whitney

Mom to Hunter James

Born Still on October 21, 2011

Westland, MI

My beautiful baby boy, Hunter James, was born still on October 21, 2011.  He was 1lb. 11oz. and 13 inches long. He had my nose and facial features, his daddy’s brown hair and long toes.
My husband and I had been married for just under a year when we decided to start trying for our first child. I was very excited and ready to be a mommy.  I had an IUD, which I had taken out as soon as we decided. We got pregnant right away, within the first few weeks of it being out. This was very unexpected, but very exciting.
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I loved my little Hunter.  My pregnancy was going very well with no sickness or complications.  At our 20 week ultrasound and anatomy check, little Hunters ventricles in his brain were measuring slightly larger than normal. We were checked out by a specialist and talked to a genetic counselor and it was determined that the measurements were wrong the first time and he was fine.  At that time I also found out that I had an anterior placenta and that it may be harder to feel little Hunter move.  I could feel his little squirms but my husband never got to feel his movement because of this.
Around 26 weeks at my monthly check up I mentioned to the doctor that I had not been feeling Hunter move as much as usual. She said that it was too early to worry and that it would be hard for me to feel because of the placental position. I did my best not to worry. He had a strong heartbeat in the 150s and we could hear him moving on the doppler machine. She scheduled an ultrasound in 2 weeks to follow-up.
At the ultrasound the tech took me back and had my husband wait in the waiting room until the measurements were done. When she turned on the machine I peaked at the screen and commented about him not moving as much as he normally did during ultrasounds.  She mentioned that the water looked low and asked me a few questions then said she needed the doctor to see.  While she was gone I tried not to cry, but part of me knew what she was going to say.  When the doctor and my husband came in the room the doctor looked at the ultrasound and told me that there was no amniotic fluid around my little Hunter and his heart was not beating. All i could do was wail and sink into my husbands arms.  He kept saying “How could this happen, we were here two weeks ago and his heartbeat was strong.”  We both cried for many minutes and then I composed myself enough to ask, “what now?”  The doctor told me that I would have to be induced and deliver my baby.  All I could think was “THAT’S NOT FAIR.”
We went home and our families came over to support us.  The next day I went to the hospital to be induced. It was scary because I had no idea what to expect, but the staff at the hospital was so understanding and helpful.  We could have never done it without them. They started the induction around 8pm.  I was given an epidural and made as comfortable as possible.  My husband was so wonderful. He stayed by my side and held my hand and asked all the questions that I couldn’t think to ask.  By 4 AM I was in a lot of pain and the doctor checked me.  She said that i was ready to push and with three pushes my baby was born. 5:04AM, October 21, 2011. I didn’t see him right away. The nurse took him to the incubator and cleaned him up and wrapped him in blankets.
I couldn’t bring myself to cry.  I had to make a memory with my son and I wanted to soak up every minute that I got to spend with him.  We held his little body and counted all his fingers and toes.  He was so precious and little.  He looked just like me,  I did not expect that. He was my little angel.  His grandparents got to hold him too. The nurse took pictures for us and made a memory box of keepsakes.  I treasure the memories I have of his little face and holding his little body.  He was blessed at the hospital and we said our tearful goodbyes.  There isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t think about him.  I miss him so much.
We are doing the best we can to cope. Taking one day at a time and asking for help and support when we need it.
I will never forget you Hunter.  I love you more than words can describe and miss you every moment. <3 Mommy.
You Can reach Whitney at Whitster290@yahoo.com
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Comments

  1. Ruth says:

    Oh dear, I’m in tears. I’m so very sorry for you loss. I have lost a son but I still can’t imagine what you have gone through. All our losses are different but all are still awful and heartbreaking. Hugs and prayers to you.

  2. jamie lea says:

    Whitney, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Hunter. My son was stillborn on 9/12/00 at 33 weeks. I have said a prayer for you that God would bring you joy and comfort, and that you would hold your son again one day in heaven.

  3. Jen says:

    I am very sorry to say that you and I have a lot in common. So heartbreaking. My twin boys were stillborn on October 12, 2011 at 26 weeks (also after no complications and a clean bill of health for all just days before). Though I know everyone walks through this differently, I just wanted you to know that I know how hard this all is. It feels impossible at times, and I am so sorry for you. Feel free to email if you ever need someone to talk to burt at suu dot edu.

  4. Angie says:

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you continued healing.

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