Leslie

Isabella Mae Camp

September 12th, 2011

Swanton, OH

April of 2011, was so busy for me. I was in school full time, just started a new job, my husband was working and my oldest son was just finishing up preschool. I always joked that my youngest son, Tyler, was just along for the ride. Tyler had just turned four on the 17th.
I was always so tired and exhausted to think about myself. I had heartburn for the longest time. I just blamed it on my stress though. I took pregnancy tests after tests and they repeatedly they came back negative. Finally, I had a positive result. There was a problem though. My period lasted longer than normal and I was still spotting. I couldn’t take it anymore, I checked myself in the ER.
After hours of tests, ultrasounds and catheters, the doctor told me that I was pregnant. Not only was I pregnant, I was 8 weeks pregnant! My first OB appointment was at 10 weeks. The doctor had a hard time finding a heartbeat, so she brought in her handheld u/s machine. I got to see my baby! It looked like a junior mint. The heart was beating so fast. The doctor came up with a 160bpm heartbeat. My first thought was girl! Two weeks later, I went to my doctor’s office for a form to be filled out. The doctor wasn’t in her office, but I asked her assistant if I could hear the heart beat. She grabbed the u/s machine and showed me my baby! In just two weeks, my junior mint turned into a baby. With arms and legs, my baby danced.
Every two weeks, without my doctor knowing, I went in to her office, to see my baby.  I needed to know the gender! With my two boys at home, I needed my little girl. By now we had names in mind; Isabella Mae for a girl and Avery Joseph for a boy. Our nursery was getting ready. The walls were green, and I was completely obsessed with giraffes.
At 18 weeks, my doctor scheduled me for my Gender and Full body scan u/s. I was sure it was a girl. With both of my boys I was crazy sick, with this pregnancy, I felt great. Also, with my boys, I felt them move at 15 weeks. I only felt pressure and hiccups with this little one. The ultrasound tech was a little snippy with us. She told me not to worry if I don’t feel the baby move, my placenta attached to my front wall. Other than that, the baby looked great. Because my placenta was up front my uterus was shaped funny. The baby was curled up in the smallest space in my uterus and we couldn’t tell the sex. The tech had me roll to my side, to get the baby to “fall” into the larger space. This didn’t work. The baby crossed it’s legs and it stayed put! We walked out happy. We had a healthy baby on the way. I stopped going to my doctor’s every other week. Not knowing the sex was hard to take every time.
Skipping ahead to 27 weeks..September 7th, was nothing special. Sitting here, I can’t even remember what I did that day. I do remember that I took a bath. I was laying in the bathtub and at the very time that I looked down, my belly jumped! I couldn’t believe it. The next few days went by fast, I was very busy with school. On the 10th I was shopping at Walmart and I ran into the assistant that works at my doctor’s office. I asked her if I would be sent for another ultrasound. She told me, unless there was a problem, then probably not. I said I hadn’t felt the baby move in 2 days. (This was pretty normal for me, but I realized I had not felt hiccups, or pressure since the moment I felt the baby jump.) She called my doctor and they both told me to go straight to the hospital. Thinking I was fine, I took my time, checked out and went home. I took a shower and my sister and I headed to Labor and Delivery.
The girls at L & D were not expecting me. They gathered their stuff and put me in a Stress Test room. Amanda and I were telling jokes back and forth.  I can’t even remember what we said now.  The nurses were looking for a heartbeat. I kept telling her that my doctor could never find it. They called for an ultrasound tech to come in while they continued to search. 120bmp kept registering but it wouldn’t come through on the speakers. They had me walk to u/s. It was the same tech that did my 18 week u/s. She put the jelly on my belly and my world changed.
I have only heard the heart beat once of my baby. But I always saw a strong heart beat. This time my baby’s heart wasn’t moving. She turned on blood flow. There was no blood flow. She didn’t say a word. I started crying. She didn’t need to say anything. I already knew. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up my belly and wiped my tears. I took a deep breath and said “Okay.”
Everything that happened during my pregnancy now made sense. I asked the nurse what happens next. She explained my options. I chose to wait until Monday to be induced. I went home. My husband didn’t understand. We had healthy babies. I told my oldest son that our baby was sick, and wasn’t going to come home. He was very sad. I couldn’t tell him that our baby was dead. Sunday was just any other Sunday. Football. I couldn’t just sit around and think. I couldn’t get over that my baby was gone. It was the longest day of my life.
Monday, September 12th, I went in to my doctor’s office at 10:00 am. My doctor cried. I felt bad. I kept telling her it was ok. I asked her how common this was. I was her 4th in 10 years. My husband and I took our time getting to the hospital. I got checked in and they gave me a room. It was the same room that I gave birth to my healthy baby boy just 4 years earlier. I filled out my hospital paper work. One form was the fetal death form. I didn’t realize I would have to plan a funeral. The loss of my baby started to sink in. I never put it together that my.baby.died.
They induced me at 1:30pm. With my boys, I had an epidural. I opted out this time. I wanted to have the whole experience. I thought that was the least I could do. I was able to get up and walk. It was a wonderful experience. At 10pm, a nurse came in to check on me. I was only two centimeters dilated. At 10:38, I felt something move. My husband yelled out for someone. I wasn’t pushing and I couldn’t stop whatever was happening but I gave birth. The nurses picked up my baby and placed it in a metal bowl. The baby was still in the sac along with the placenta. It all happened so fast. My doctor had not arrived yet.
I looked around and my husband was no longer in the room. I sent my mom to check on him. When she opened the door, I saw him in the hallway crying. I couldn’t get up to comfort him. He came to me and I hugged him.
When my doctor arrived, she cut opened the sac as my mom and husband watched. My husband looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “it’s a girl”. I finally had my little Isabella. My doctor showed me the umbilical cord. It had a true knot. My oldest son was born with a true knot as well, but he was now a healthy 5 year old. The very thing that gave my daughter life deprived her of oxygen. My doctor handed me my little girl on a towel. I laid her down in front of me and I counted her fingers and toes. She had my husband’s lips and butt. She was so tiny and so perfect. We transferred her over to her giraffe baby blanket. Her skin was so fragile that we couldn’t dress her. We took plenty of pictures. My mom and my sister held her. Adam wasn’t able to. He was so afraid of hurting her.
When we were finished bonding with our daughter, the nurses came in for her. They took her away. I never said good bye, never kissed her, never rocked her. The time I had with her just wasn’t enough. She was prepared for the funeral home. We decided to have her cremated. We then placed her ashes in a heart urn keepsake. My husband and I took our boys to build a bear. We created a pink bear just for her. During the heart dance, both of my boys put a heart in the bear. Afterwards, I kissed my Izzy’s urn and put it inside the bear.
We dressed the bear in the pink outfit we were going to bring her home in. She is now on a memorial shelf that is totally dedicated to her. We miss our little girl so much. I made a video of her life, so we can remember her. Mama loves you baby girl. <3
You can watch Isabella’s video here: http://youtu.be/iMCbXtewvEk
You can contact Leslie at hope_4_43558@yahoo.com

 

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